It will be an interesting Christmas this year. The last time Hannah was home for Christmas was in 2009, and this year will be the first with all of my girls. We will have a full house this year and I am so happy and thankful for it. I think we will attempt the "Christmas Light Adventure" again this year, so please pray for us all that we make it without yelling, crying, or vomiting. We may need to take multiple cars this year and communicate with walkie-talkies, unless of course we want to rent a twelve passenger van to fit both families. If we do...Hannah, you sit up front. If you don't know what I mean, look up that blog from last year. It is an interesting read.
Anyway, Hannah flies in on Christmas Eve. Cooper is staying here also. Riley will be old enough this year to actively participate on Christmas morning. This should be fun, I think. We never go overboard on Christmas, nor do we don't break the bank trying to provide things for our children. We do get them something, of course, but we don't spend hours in lines and hours assembling toys. Our children are provided for, and they also understand the true meaning of the Christmas holiday. They know what is most important, but they also have their wish lists. Here are some examples.
Cooper I think had the most varied list. She will be seven in two months, so that means she is getting into the "girly" stuff. Her most obvious example came from a letter she wrote to Santa and asked for long fingernails. The child wants fake fingernails form Christmas? To be more specific, she wants 99 of them, because I guess an even 100 is just silly or too much to ask for. She also wanted balloons. She listed every color she wanted so there would be no guessing.
I think some of that came from the Taylor Swift concert. She also wanted a guitar and microphone on a stand. Presumably, it is so she can strum the guitar and sing into the microphone without having to hold it just like Taylor Swift. Of course she will find it difficult to play a guitar, or do most things without causing injury, with long fake press-on fingernails. But hey, every kid needs to learn that lesson on their own right? If she tried to pick her nose and accidentally poked herself in the eye because she forgot about the extra inch and a half of plastic pink and green nail on the end of her finger...well, I guess she would only do that one time right?
Then there is Hannah. She will be ten in a few days. I can't believe my baby, my first born, will be ten years old. Time flies. Anyway, she is now into the "electronics phase" of childhood. No it is not one of the developmental phases Jung or Erikson discussed, but it is one that every parent knows exists. Hannah has stated she wanted an iPod, a Nintendo DSi XL, iPad, computer, and so on. The child knows about technology, the internet, wi-fi connectivity, and other such things. I don't think Santa, or daddy, can afford all of that. Maybe one of those things will surface this year.
Riley Grace will still be easy to shop for. A box is still the greatest toy ever as long a she can sit inside of it. And if she does Cooper will always be counted on to push the box, with Riley inside, around the room on the wood floors. Anything Mickey Mouse will be a hit. She likes to "read" her sisters' books, as well as throw them around the living room. Yes, it should be fun this year.
Truthfully, I enjoy seeing my kids' faces on Christmas morning when they walk, or run, into the living room to see what is under the tree. I remember being young like that. There was the mystery of Santa and how a fat man carrying a huge bag got into my house, that did not have a chimney, without being noticed. Then, how did all of the reindeer land on my roof and I didn't even hear them? I mean seriously, there were nine of them pulling a sleigh around that the fat man and his bag of toys was in. That should have made one loud thud. There were the piles of stuff that were mine, and theirs. The arguments over what toy belonged to which child were always comical. This year I get to experience that from a parent's perspective. I will have coffee in hand, bed head (now that I let my hair grow longer that a flat top), and a camera to capture the fun, love, sharing, fighting, yelling, and pandemonium that is Christmas morning in the Scifres household.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
And the list of lessons goes on...
Here are several more pieces of advice my children can take, or leave. Hopefully they will pay attention to these before I lose my mind and forget what I intended to tell them. They may appear to be random, but each one is important so pay attention girls.
31. Listen to your mother, too. There are days that I appear to be in charge but lets face it, mommy is in control. Those days I appear to be in charge are the days she lets me be in charge. So listen to mommy, or else. At least that is what she told me to write.
32. Don't wear blue eye shadow. I can find several photographs that can properly illustrate this point very well. I am not a professional stylist, but this one is seemingly a no-brainer. Don't paint on that blue clown makeup all over your eyelids unless you want to look like exactly that...a clown. Here is a hint for all three of you. Guys don't really like that. I'm just sayin'. If you prefer, I can find a picture from the "Drew Carey Show" of the character Mimi. Google it and then tell me I was right. Thank you, and you are welcome.
33. Lock your car and take out your crap. This one seems simple enough, right? It would shock you how many times I tell people that if they want to prevent their cars from being broken into they should remove their personal items such as purses, phones, iPods, money, check books, and, and, and...
What is easier than that? Let me see...lock the doors. How many car burglaries have I worked where there was no forced entry? I have lost count. Lock the doors, and take you crap. Your father is dead right on this one. If you remove temptation from these criminals, you lessen the chance of being a victim. Don't give them anything to steal, and don't make it so easy for them.
34. Here is another driving tip...that turn signal, use it. It is an amazingly simple act that can save you time, injury, and money. First of all, time. If you use your signal indicator when turning, you will not meet police officers like me who will stop you, talk to you, check you for warrants, write a warning, then let you go. Yes I am polite and friendly, but individuals that would do that simple thing would make it to wherever they are going without being delayed by me for them not following the law. Next, there is injury. If you use the signal indicator which tells other motorists that you intend to slow down, and turn, you reduce the chance they will run their cars into yours causing you injury. Lastly, money. Refer to the second reason and this one will make sense, too. No crash means no repairs, no insurance issues, and no money out of pocket. That means you can buy something like shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes, or Starbucks. Better yet, save it for college so you can all move out of this house before I die.
35. When you consume all of something, throw away the container. You haven't learned this one yet, so let me tell you again. Cooper, juice box packages do not go under your bed. Riley, I would just settle for yours getting around the trash can somewhere. Hannah, yours do not go under the couch or between the cushions.
Oh, and bringing them to the kitchen is simply not good enough. That goes for other consumables n a package, too. If you, say, eat the last animal cracker, throw away the box. Don't start a collection of empty boxes, milk jugs, or juice boxes on the kitchen counter. It will only upset your mother and make me crazy. I don't like a dirty kitchen. Your mother does not like clutter. Not throwing away your containers causes both. She will get you. Remember what I said in number 31?
31. Listen to your mother, too. There are days that I appear to be in charge but lets face it, mommy is in control. Those days I appear to be in charge are the days she lets me be in charge. So listen to mommy, or else. At least that is what she told me to write.
32. Don't wear blue eye shadow. I can find several photographs that can properly illustrate this point very well. I am not a professional stylist, but this one is seemingly a no-brainer. Don't paint on that blue clown makeup all over your eyelids unless you want to look like exactly that...a clown. Here is a hint for all three of you. Guys don't really like that. I'm just sayin'. If you prefer, I can find a picture from the "Drew Carey Show" of the character Mimi. Google it and then tell me I was right. Thank you, and you are welcome.
33. Lock your car and take out your crap. This one seems simple enough, right? It would shock you how many times I tell people that if they want to prevent their cars from being broken into they should remove their personal items such as purses, phones, iPods, money, check books, and, and, and...
What is easier than that? Let me see...lock the doors. How many car burglaries have I worked where there was no forced entry? I have lost count. Lock the doors, and take you crap. Your father is dead right on this one. If you remove temptation from these criminals, you lessen the chance of being a victim. Don't give them anything to steal, and don't make it so easy for them.
34. Here is another driving tip...that turn signal, use it. It is an amazingly simple act that can save you time, injury, and money. First of all, time. If you use your signal indicator when turning, you will not meet police officers like me who will stop you, talk to you, check you for warrants, write a warning, then let you go. Yes I am polite and friendly, but individuals that would do that simple thing would make it to wherever they are going without being delayed by me for them not following the law. Next, there is injury. If you use the signal indicator which tells other motorists that you intend to slow down, and turn, you reduce the chance they will run their cars into yours causing you injury. Lastly, money. Refer to the second reason and this one will make sense, too. No crash means no repairs, no insurance issues, and no money out of pocket. That means you can buy something like shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes, or Starbucks. Better yet, save it for college so you can all move out of this house before I die.
35. When you consume all of something, throw away the container. You haven't learned this one yet, so let me tell you again. Cooper, juice box packages do not go under your bed. Riley, I would just settle for yours getting around the trash can somewhere. Hannah, yours do not go under the couch or between the cushions.
Oh, and bringing them to the kitchen is simply not good enough. That goes for other consumables n a package, too. If you, say, eat the last animal cracker, throw away the box. Don't start a collection of empty boxes, milk jugs, or juice boxes on the kitchen counter. It will only upset your mother and make me crazy. I don't like a dirty kitchen. Your mother does not like clutter. Not throwing away your containers causes both. She will get you. Remember what I said in number 31?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
30 Days of Thanks...
I am two weeks behind on doing this so I am gonna catch up on all of them today. Some are more serious, some humorous, but I am thankful for all.
1. My Savior: As an imperfect man I am thankful for the perfect One who is my Savior, and who has forgiven me for everything I have ever done or will ever do. Thank you, Jesus.
2. My wife: Ashley has put up with my imperfections, and faults, and still loves me daily. She is without a doubt the most important person in my life and I am in love with her every day. I don't want to imagine my live without her.
3. My children: Hannah is my first born. Cooper is my comedienne. Riley Grace is my baby. They are independent and each of them has their own personality. They make me laugh, and I know one day will make me cry, but I love each day I have with them.
4. My family: We are a large clan, and some say we all look alike. My sister, brothers, spouses, nieces, and nephews, and parents are all a big part of my life and each of them has taught me something through or lives.
5. My friends: I am thankful for them all. I don't have a lot, but each are important to me. I have a small group of friends that I can count on when needed. I am thankful for them more than they know.
6. My career: Most of us have jobs, and some of us have jobs we love. I can't imagine doing anything else. I work with a great group of officers and love where I am. Catching crooks is a great thing.
7. Starbucks: I said this one last year, and I say it again...Starbucks is like a drug dealer. They peddle the no-foam vanilla latte knowing how addictive it is and knowing I can't afford to support my habit, but they don't care about the cost because they know I will be back. Damn you Starbucks. I'll take a venti white chocolate peppermint mocha.
8. Sports: I loved playing a variety of sports growing up. I love to watch them now. Texas Rangers baseball, San Diego Charger, New Orleans Saints, and Arkansas Razorback football, and come college basketball give me something to yell at, cheer for, and nearly have a heart attack over.
9. Legos: I loved Legos as a kid. Let's face it, I still do. My wife bought me some police Legos a couple of months ago. Of course, I promptly assembled them and then put them back in the box., then put them up. Sometimes I still enjoy acting like a kid, even if it only for a few minutes. Oh, and I put the Legos together in record time. I still got mad skills.
10. Bill Cosby: I still love to watch the "Cosby Show." I have the DVDs for the first three seasons. My favorite stand-up comedy routine is still "Bill Cosby: HImself." When I hijacked this blog thing from my wife I used several of his pearls of wisdom as starter quotes. I love his discussion about the issues related to drinking too much. As I learned in my younger days, every bit of it is true. The outside of the toilet bowl is nice and cool when sitting on the floor and hugging it to hold yourself up.
11. Shutterbugs: Since my wife had a nice camera, or a phone with a camera, she is there to capture all of the funny things my children do. Some of those photos have been the subject of my writings. Case in point...the planking funny from yesterday. Give it a look.
12. My brother Jonathan: Yes, I already talked about the family. But, Jonathan and I do the same job and work the same shift. I can call him to compare notes. I can call him and vent about something that happened on duty. I can also call him to get a funny story. Jonathan is one of the funniest people I know.
13. Birthdays: Although it is true I am getting older, I appreciate that I have had 37 of them. I realized that I have reached the age where my birthdays are only a big deal to my children. They enjoy my birthday because they get cake. I enjoy it because I get, well, cake. This year's cake has been my favorite so far: a Phineas and Ferb cake. Only I, as a grown man, would love getting a cartoon cake for a birthday. Next year...I'm thinking maybe Muppets.
14. My sister Jackie: Her birthday was on the 14th, we look alike, and she is only two years younger than me. That means that now I am not the only one of my siblings that has hit 35. Ha, ha...
15. iPods: I can pick what I want to listen to, when I want to listen to it. I am no longer a slave to the FM stations and their programing choices, nor am I subject to their music playlists. Now I can listen to my music choices and skip over the occasional Disney princess pop music that my daughters have on my iPod.
16. Thankful my wife had a similar taste in movies. Well, not completely, but we both like "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil." We like it so much I am sitting at Starbucks downloading it from iTunes. Yes, I have coffee. I ordered her one, too.
17. Quality time with my girls: The last three nights I have been able to eat dinner with them, get Riley bathed and ready for bed, and enjoy time with my wife. Thankful for the time I had, although I wish Hannah was here, too.
18. Dads: Of course, fathers are wonderful things. I am grateful for my own father, as well as Larry, my father-in-law. Both have taught me a little something by their examples, whether they know it or not, of what it is to be a man. Both of them had birthdays this week. Happy birthday, and I love them both.
19. Daughters: Every man wants to have a son and I was no different when I first became a father. But I have to tell you that there is something about raising daughters that is special. You know, there are the "dress up daddy" days, the fashion shows, and the one time they wanted to paint my fingernails. They are funny, creative, smart, and loving. They like to wrestle, play ball, watch "COPS," and curl up and sit next to daddy. Am I missing out on something by not having a son? Not at all. My daughters are special to me and I would not trade them for anything. Of course, I say that now while there are no boys coming up to the door to take one of them on a date.
20. The little things: I am thankful for the little things in life. There are the hugs from my kids, the smiles from my wife, and the handshakes from those I meet on the job. I like the times where my dog lays at my feet while I drink a cup of coffee on the back porch and work on a crossword puzzle. I enjoy the sound of laughter from my children as they play. Each are seemingly small occurrences that, due to their frequency, can sometimes seem routine, unimportant, or even meaningless. I am fortunate enough to get to experience them all, as well as similar incidents of kindness and affection. Thank you.
21. My $19 coffee pot: When the expensive coffee maker we had died recently (yes I was sad), I had to get an adequate replacement. So, Cooper and I went to eh obvious first place one would think of when selecting a kitchen appliance: Wal-Mart. I looked over the coffee makers, over and over again. Ashley was not there but she could probably tell you, if you asked her, how I shop. I look at something over and over again, then over again. Then I eventually make a decision while she stares at the ceiling wondering why she brought me along in the first place.
Anyway, I went back and forth between the expensive appliances and the cheap ones. I kept going back to the Black and Decker. It was simple, would get the job done, and best of all it was $19. My wife should be thankful I got the black one. I nearly bought the white one that would simply clash with our kitchen decor.
Well, I don't care if it is a cheap piece of plastic, the coffee tastes the same as from the old high-dollar job. And given the time constraints, it had to work. Now I can enjoy my daily coffee again and enjoy the fact that after a week I already got my money's worth.
22. For a friend: As I sit here and type this a good and faithful wife, mother, and a friend to many is suffering from leukemia. To be more specific, she is dying. She is a young professional who I met in a few ways. She is an attorney I routinely worked with, as well as a family member of my best friend. She is a friend to my wife, and our children have spent time playing together at family events. She is truly an inspiring person. We continue to offer prayers for her, and her family during this time. We offer prayers for peace and comfort.
23. My fellow sheepdogs: No matter where you work, the size of the agency, or whether you are an officer, deputy, or trooper...thank you. Our profession is not like any other. Our job is not as easy as some since the rules of the game change seemingly daily. Stay vigilant, and come home safe another day...
24. Common Sense: This is something most everyone has but not everyone utilizes. I am thankful that I have common sense. For example, I know not to try to retort with a wise crack when my wife says something, or asks me something, when she is in a bad mood. That will only start an argument. See, common sense exists in my noggin. Not everyone is so fortunate. To the 5'9" tall, 150 pound drunk guy who looked at the 6'3" tall, 260 pound, sober police officer, and believed you could take him in a fight...that's not using good common sense. To the drunk college kid that decided to drive home after that party, and got caught...as Cooper used to say, "BAD CHOICE." And lastly, to the college kid who thought it would be funny to run from the police when they showed up to the party, just to see if you could get away...I'm guessing it is not that funny now, huh? Yes, I am thankful for common sense.
25. Naps: As a child I didn't like taking a nap. Most other children are that way, including my own. Now however, I want to take naps if I can. As I get older I guess maybe I need one now and again. Pretty soon I will be wearing my eye glasses down onto my nose, walking around wearing pants that are too short because I pulled them over my stomach (and of course white socks and black shoes), and complaining about all of the noise. But that is okay, because I will be well rested.
26. Peace: No, not world peace. I mean the peace only found in Christ. I went to a funeral for a friend and I took comfort in the fact she is at peace following a long and hard fight with cancer and leukemia. Is it sad that she is no longer on this earth? Yes. Am I happy she is at peace, full of joy, and pain-free? Absolutely.
27. The fact my wife is not like those who went nuts on Friday: Yes friends, I love the fact my wife does not want to camp out overnight to be first in line to buy some plastic electronic thing my children will only play with for a month before breaking it, losing it, or using it as a paperweight. I am thankful my wife is not one that would resort to using pepper spray on someone because they cut in line or grabbed something from the shelf that she wanted to buy. No, she is not like those people. She does, however, know it is not the things we buy that are important, but the One that we celebrate during this time of year that is important.
28. My wife: Yes, this one was near the top of the list, but she is worth repeating. We get frustrated with each other, we argue, and heck, we fight. But when the dust settles and the fight is over, we still love each other. There will be disagreements, and will be fights. But no matter what happens everything will be okay.
29. Change: No, I don't mean pocket change. Every once in a while changes come along. Some changes are good, some not so much. But either way I am thankful for the changes coming in our lives.
30. Life: Sometimes it is short, and sometimes hard. At times it is good, and others it is well, not. But no matter what the circumstances I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the life on this earth, and the eternal life that awaits. There are many things I am thankful for including the above mentioned twenty-nine. Most of all, I guess am just simply thankful for my life and all that is in it.
1. My Savior: As an imperfect man I am thankful for the perfect One who is my Savior, and who has forgiven me for everything I have ever done or will ever do. Thank you, Jesus.
2. My wife: Ashley has put up with my imperfections, and faults, and still loves me daily. She is without a doubt the most important person in my life and I am in love with her every day. I don't want to imagine my live without her.
3. My children: Hannah is my first born. Cooper is my comedienne. Riley Grace is my baby. They are independent and each of them has their own personality. They make me laugh, and I know one day will make me cry, but I love each day I have with them.
4. My family: We are a large clan, and some say we all look alike. My sister, brothers, spouses, nieces, and nephews, and parents are all a big part of my life and each of them has taught me something through or lives.
5. My friends: I am thankful for them all. I don't have a lot, but each are important to me. I have a small group of friends that I can count on when needed. I am thankful for them more than they know.
6. My career: Most of us have jobs, and some of us have jobs we love. I can't imagine doing anything else. I work with a great group of officers and love where I am. Catching crooks is a great thing.
7. Starbucks: I said this one last year, and I say it again...Starbucks is like a drug dealer. They peddle the no-foam vanilla latte knowing how addictive it is and knowing I can't afford to support my habit, but they don't care about the cost because they know I will be back. Damn you Starbucks. I'll take a venti white chocolate peppermint mocha.
8. Sports: I loved playing a variety of sports growing up. I love to watch them now. Texas Rangers baseball, San Diego Charger, New Orleans Saints, and Arkansas Razorback football, and come college basketball give me something to yell at, cheer for, and nearly have a heart attack over.
9. Legos: I loved Legos as a kid. Let's face it, I still do. My wife bought me some police Legos a couple of months ago. Of course, I promptly assembled them and then put them back in the box., then put them up. Sometimes I still enjoy acting like a kid, even if it only for a few minutes. Oh, and I put the Legos together in record time. I still got mad skills.
10. Bill Cosby: I still love to watch the "Cosby Show." I have the DVDs for the first three seasons. My favorite stand-up comedy routine is still "Bill Cosby: HImself." When I hijacked this blog thing from my wife I used several of his pearls of wisdom as starter quotes. I love his discussion about the issues related to drinking too much. As I learned in my younger days, every bit of it is true. The outside of the toilet bowl is nice and cool when sitting on the floor and hugging it to hold yourself up.
11. Shutterbugs: Since my wife had a nice camera, or a phone with a camera, she is there to capture all of the funny things my children do. Some of those photos have been the subject of my writings. Case in point...the planking funny from yesterday. Give it a look.
12. My brother Jonathan: Yes, I already talked about the family. But, Jonathan and I do the same job and work the same shift. I can call him to compare notes. I can call him and vent about something that happened on duty. I can also call him to get a funny story. Jonathan is one of the funniest people I know.
13. Birthdays: Although it is true I am getting older, I appreciate that I have had 37 of them. I realized that I have reached the age where my birthdays are only a big deal to my children. They enjoy my birthday because they get cake. I enjoy it because I get, well, cake. This year's cake has been my favorite so far: a Phineas and Ferb cake. Only I, as a grown man, would love getting a cartoon cake for a birthday. Next year...I'm thinking maybe Muppets.
14. My sister Jackie: Her birthday was on the 14th, we look alike, and she is only two years younger than me. That means that now I am not the only one of my siblings that has hit 35. Ha, ha...
15. iPods: I can pick what I want to listen to, when I want to listen to it. I am no longer a slave to the FM stations and their programing choices, nor am I subject to their music playlists. Now I can listen to my music choices and skip over the occasional Disney princess pop music that my daughters have on my iPod.
16. Thankful my wife had a similar taste in movies. Well, not completely, but we both like "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil." We like it so much I am sitting at Starbucks downloading it from iTunes. Yes, I have coffee. I ordered her one, too.
17. Quality time with my girls: The last three nights I have been able to eat dinner with them, get Riley bathed and ready for bed, and enjoy time with my wife. Thankful for the time I had, although I wish Hannah was here, too.
18. Dads: Of course, fathers are wonderful things. I am grateful for my own father, as well as Larry, my father-in-law. Both have taught me a little something by their examples, whether they know it or not, of what it is to be a man. Both of them had birthdays this week. Happy birthday, and I love them both.
19. Daughters: Every man wants to have a son and I was no different when I first became a father. But I have to tell you that there is something about raising daughters that is special. You know, there are the "dress up daddy" days, the fashion shows, and the one time they wanted to paint my fingernails. They are funny, creative, smart, and loving. They like to wrestle, play ball, watch "COPS," and curl up and sit next to daddy. Am I missing out on something by not having a son? Not at all. My daughters are special to me and I would not trade them for anything. Of course, I say that now while there are no boys coming up to the door to take one of them on a date.
20. The little things: I am thankful for the little things in life. There are the hugs from my kids, the smiles from my wife, and the handshakes from those I meet on the job. I like the times where my dog lays at my feet while I drink a cup of coffee on the back porch and work on a crossword puzzle. I enjoy the sound of laughter from my children as they play. Each are seemingly small occurrences that, due to their frequency, can sometimes seem routine, unimportant, or even meaningless. I am fortunate enough to get to experience them all, as well as similar incidents of kindness and affection. Thank you.
21. My $19 coffee pot: When the expensive coffee maker we had died recently (yes I was sad), I had to get an adequate replacement. So, Cooper and I went to eh obvious first place one would think of when selecting a kitchen appliance: Wal-Mart. I looked over the coffee makers, over and over again. Ashley was not there but she could probably tell you, if you asked her, how I shop. I look at something over and over again, then over again. Then I eventually make a decision while she stares at the ceiling wondering why she brought me along in the first place.
Anyway, I went back and forth between the expensive appliances and the cheap ones. I kept going back to the Black and Decker. It was simple, would get the job done, and best of all it was $19. My wife should be thankful I got the black one. I nearly bought the white one that would simply clash with our kitchen decor.
Well, I don't care if it is a cheap piece of plastic, the coffee tastes the same as from the old high-dollar job. And given the time constraints, it had to work. Now I can enjoy my daily coffee again and enjoy the fact that after a week I already got my money's worth.
22. For a friend: As I sit here and type this a good and faithful wife, mother, and a friend to many is suffering from leukemia. To be more specific, she is dying. She is a young professional who I met in a few ways. She is an attorney I routinely worked with, as well as a family member of my best friend. She is a friend to my wife, and our children have spent time playing together at family events. She is truly an inspiring person. We continue to offer prayers for her, and her family during this time. We offer prayers for peace and comfort.
23. My fellow sheepdogs: No matter where you work, the size of the agency, or whether you are an officer, deputy, or trooper...thank you. Our profession is not like any other. Our job is not as easy as some since the rules of the game change seemingly daily. Stay vigilant, and come home safe another day...
24. Common Sense: This is something most everyone has but not everyone utilizes. I am thankful that I have common sense. For example, I know not to try to retort with a wise crack when my wife says something, or asks me something, when she is in a bad mood. That will only start an argument. See, common sense exists in my noggin. Not everyone is so fortunate. To the 5'9" tall, 150 pound drunk guy who looked at the 6'3" tall, 260 pound, sober police officer, and believed you could take him in a fight...that's not using good common sense. To the drunk college kid that decided to drive home after that party, and got caught...as Cooper used to say, "BAD CHOICE." And lastly, to the college kid who thought it would be funny to run from the police when they showed up to the party, just to see if you could get away...I'm guessing it is not that funny now, huh? Yes, I am thankful for common sense.
25. Naps: As a child I didn't like taking a nap. Most other children are that way, including my own. Now however, I want to take naps if I can. As I get older I guess maybe I need one now and again. Pretty soon I will be wearing my eye glasses down onto my nose, walking around wearing pants that are too short because I pulled them over my stomach (and of course white socks and black shoes), and complaining about all of the noise. But that is okay, because I will be well rested.
26. Peace: No, not world peace. I mean the peace only found in Christ. I went to a funeral for a friend and I took comfort in the fact she is at peace following a long and hard fight with cancer and leukemia. Is it sad that she is no longer on this earth? Yes. Am I happy she is at peace, full of joy, and pain-free? Absolutely.
27. The fact my wife is not like those who went nuts on Friday: Yes friends, I love the fact my wife does not want to camp out overnight to be first in line to buy some plastic electronic thing my children will only play with for a month before breaking it, losing it, or using it as a paperweight. I am thankful my wife is not one that would resort to using pepper spray on someone because they cut in line or grabbed something from the shelf that she wanted to buy. No, she is not like those people. She does, however, know it is not the things we buy that are important, but the One that we celebrate during this time of year that is important.
28. My wife: Yes, this one was near the top of the list, but she is worth repeating. We get frustrated with each other, we argue, and heck, we fight. But when the dust settles and the fight is over, we still love each other. There will be disagreements, and will be fights. But no matter what happens everything will be okay.
29. Change: No, I don't mean pocket change. Every once in a while changes come along. Some changes are good, some not so much. But either way I am thankful for the changes coming in our lives.
30. Life: Sometimes it is short, and sometimes hard. At times it is good, and others it is well, not. But no matter what the circumstances I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the life on this earth, and the eternal life that awaits. There are many things I am thankful for including the above mentioned twenty-nine. Most of all, I guess am just simply thankful for my life and all that is in it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
A "planking" funny...
A quick one before I hit the sack.
I remember seeing the whole "planking" thing on the internet. I saw pictures of grown people laying on their faces in the weirdest places for no apparent reason at all except for a photo op. I thought to myself how odd, yet funny it all was. However, I did not ever expect to see any of my children do it. An example with photograph follows.
I was at work last night and received a text message from my loving bride. I was typing away on a report and heard the message tone on my phone. I stopped to check it, opened the message, and saw this:
Yes friends, Riley Grace learned how to go planking yesterday. And of course she picked out the best attire for the rare photographic opportunity. I love the green shirt, the spotted shorts, and especially the sparkling purple shoes. No, I did not dress my child, although if you ask my wife it is something I would likely dress her in because I have a limited fashion sense. In my defense I was not even in the same city when this photo was taken. Riley picked her own socks and shoes for the event. The rest is mommy's fault.
Anyway, after picking myself up off of the floor and getting back the chair I WAS sitting in before I fell out from laughing so hard when I saw the picture, I had to ask myself how she knew what planking was. I mean, will I see her "Tebowing" tomorrow? When I walk into her classroom to pick her up will she be down on one knee with a balled up fist on her forehead as she stares at the ground in front of her while trying to emulate the Broncos quarterback? Let us hope not. If she does, I will take photos.
I remember seeing the whole "planking" thing on the internet. I saw pictures of grown people laying on their faces in the weirdest places for no apparent reason at all except for a photo op. I thought to myself how odd, yet funny it all was. However, I did not ever expect to see any of my children do it. An example with photograph follows.
I was at work last night and received a text message from my loving bride. I was typing away on a report and heard the message tone on my phone. I stopped to check it, opened the message, and saw this:
Yes friends, Riley Grace learned how to go planking yesterday. And of course she picked out the best attire for the rare photographic opportunity. I love the green shirt, the spotted shorts, and especially the sparkling purple shoes. No, I did not dress my child, although if you ask my wife it is something I would likely dress her in because I have a limited fashion sense. In my defense I was not even in the same city when this photo was taken. Riley picked her own socks and shoes for the event. The rest is mommy's fault.
Anyway, after picking myself up off of the floor and getting back the chair I WAS sitting in before I fell out from laughing so hard when I saw the picture, I had to ask myself how she knew what planking was. I mean, will I see her "Tebowing" tomorrow? When I walk into her classroom to pick her up will she be down on one knee with a balled up fist on her forehead as she stares at the ground in front of her while trying to emulate the Broncos quarterback? Let us hope not. If she does, I will take photos.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Riley the Moocher
We have a mooch in the house now. Each child has a job so to speak. Hannah is phasing out of being "The Informer." Cooper is beginning to fill that role nicely, as her favorite words are "Mommy, Riley did (enter the crime here)." Riley is "The Moocher."
Anyway, no food is safe from her and no one is able to eat a meal without interruption. Little grubby hands reach for your plate while you hear the constant "mmmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Every meal is the same. I have an example.
Each and every morning Cooper makes her breakfast, and then she makes something for Riley. It is normally something she can toss in the toaster or microwave. Whether it is a waffle, or a soggy frozen pancake, Cooper makes them both something to eat while Ashley gets dressed for work. Riley eats her food and then sees what Cooper is eating. No matter what it is, and even if they are eating the same thing, Riley must have it. She will drop her own breakfast that her sister lovingly made her and immediately run with her arms extended and fingers wiggling to grab Cooper's food.
All one hears from the bedroom is "Riley eat your own food," or "Riley that's mine." "Mommy." Cooper whines and cries for assistance to fight off her baby sister's attack on her groceries. It is useless and her resistance is futile. But at least they haven't gone to blows over a soggy, cold toaster waffle. That would just be silly.
Cooper is not the only subject of the attack. Mommy and daddy cannot eat without grabby hands. Yesterday morning I took the girls to school. Ashley was already gone to work and I finished getting everyone dressed and ready to go. Cooper had already made Riley's breakfast and I made Cooper's. Both had already eaten. Actually, Cooper nibbled on her food while Riley repeatedly tried to take it. This is of course after already eating all of her own breakfast.
I took a peek to see if it was safe for me to enter the kitchen. I was starving and wanted to eat something quick. I remembered there was a sole banana left on the counter so I made a break for it. I think Riley smelled the banana from across the house because I heard running footsteps headed my direction. As the footsteps get closer I hear "nana, nana, nana, nana, nana..." She knew what I had.
With the attack on my breakfast imminent, I quickly, and feverishly began to eat the banana hoping to keep it all for myself. That sounds bad, but my daughters don't miss any meals. They are healthy. Anyway, Riley rounds the refrigerator and sees what I am eating so I stuff the remaining third of the banana into my mouth and using sign language I tell her it is all gone. She looked heartbroken that her loving daddy did not want to share. Knowing she had already eaten, I felt okay about it and even chuckled a bit.
Riley is at the age apparently that everything should be hers. She has yet to begin taking things by force, but that time is near. In the meantime I suppose Cooper will have to go on fighting her off so she can eat, or start hiding to eat her breakfast in peace. The moocher will always be near by.
Anyway, no food is safe from her and no one is able to eat a meal without interruption. Little grubby hands reach for your plate while you hear the constant "mmmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Every meal is the same. I have an example.
Each and every morning Cooper makes her breakfast, and then she makes something for Riley. It is normally something she can toss in the toaster or microwave. Whether it is a waffle, or a soggy frozen pancake, Cooper makes them both something to eat while Ashley gets dressed for work. Riley eats her food and then sees what Cooper is eating. No matter what it is, and even if they are eating the same thing, Riley must have it. She will drop her own breakfast that her sister lovingly made her and immediately run with her arms extended and fingers wiggling to grab Cooper's food.
All one hears from the bedroom is "Riley eat your own food," or "Riley that's mine." "Mommy." Cooper whines and cries for assistance to fight off her baby sister's attack on her groceries. It is useless and her resistance is futile. But at least they haven't gone to blows over a soggy, cold toaster waffle. That would just be silly.
Cooper is not the only subject of the attack. Mommy and daddy cannot eat without grabby hands. Yesterday morning I took the girls to school. Ashley was already gone to work and I finished getting everyone dressed and ready to go. Cooper had already made Riley's breakfast and I made Cooper's. Both had already eaten. Actually, Cooper nibbled on her food while Riley repeatedly tried to take it. This is of course after already eating all of her own breakfast.
I took a peek to see if it was safe for me to enter the kitchen. I was starving and wanted to eat something quick. I remembered there was a sole banana left on the counter so I made a break for it. I think Riley smelled the banana from across the house because I heard running footsteps headed my direction. As the footsteps get closer I hear "nana, nana, nana, nana, nana..." She knew what I had.
With the attack on my breakfast imminent, I quickly, and feverishly began to eat the banana hoping to keep it all for myself. That sounds bad, but my daughters don't miss any meals. They are healthy. Anyway, Riley rounds the refrigerator and sees what I am eating so I stuff the remaining third of the banana into my mouth and using sign language I tell her it is all gone. She looked heartbroken that her loving daddy did not want to share. Knowing she had already eaten, I felt okay about it and even chuckled a bit.
Riley is at the age apparently that everything should be hers. She has yet to begin taking things by force, but that time is near. In the meantime I suppose Cooper will have to go on fighting her off so she can eat, or start hiding to eat her breakfast in peace. The moocher will always be near by.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Cooper's Public Service Announcement
A short Cooper funny:
Today I stumbled onto some videos on the computer. Apparently Cooper has recently been directing herself in a few music videos and some sort of talk show. Cooper has also made her own PSA. I found one that is short enough to post where Cooper drops some knowledge about Halloween on us. Since I am one of those fathers that enjoys sharing good information, here is an important public service announcement. Watch, learn, enjoy. Here you go.
I know Halloween was over a week ago but this video was too funny not to share. I mean, don't I have a responsibility to help educate other parents about monsters? And, there is that whole "embarrass my child" thing. Hey, it is funny and she will laugh about it later.
Today I stumbled onto some videos on the computer. Apparently Cooper has recently been directing herself in a few music videos and some sort of talk show. Cooper has also made her own PSA. I found one that is short enough to post where Cooper drops some knowledge about Halloween on us. Since I am one of those fathers that enjoys sharing good information, here is an important public service announcement. Watch, learn, enjoy. Here you go.
I know Halloween was over a week ago but this video was too funny not to share. I mean, don't I have a responsibility to help educate other parents about monsters? And, there is that whole "embarrass my child" thing. Hey, it is funny and she will laugh about it later.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
A book?
I am sitting here at 3:41 am, on the couch, in a quiet house. Well, almost quiet because the dryer is tumbling around some clothes. Anyway, I am tired and have no idea what to write about this morning. Maybe I should write about wanting to write a book.
I have been telling myself for years that I wanted to write a book. I know, it will most decidedly not ever be published. My writing is not as polished as those professional bloggers and authors. But, I write what I want and hope it is as funny to everyone else as it is to me. I have been tossing around ideas for what to do. I figured I could put together my stories in a compilation and try to come up with a clever name. I would attempt to come up with one know but I have been up for 22 hours and I can't think that quickly. So if you have any let me know.
My wife tells me I don't have time to take on such a project. I know she is right. However, I don't intend to get it all done by Friday or anything. I only have about 60 stories so far. Most of them cold fit into a book, but I still need more. Then there is one big point: who says someone wants to read all my ramblings anyway? I mean, I'm not a pro at this writing thing. I'm just a daddy.
Well, the main goals for me are to document the lighter side of fatherhood, show that surviving girls can be done, document these memories before I am too old to remember them, and create something to remind them of their childhoods and embarrass them as they get older. If I happen to get them into a book form, even if it is just for the family, that would be okay.
So I sit here thinking about this and in my sleep-deprived brain it sounds like a great idea. After I get some sleep I may reconsider. But then again I may come up with the next great Oprah Book Club title, right?
I have been telling myself for years that I wanted to write a book. I know, it will most decidedly not ever be published. My writing is not as polished as those professional bloggers and authors. But, I write what I want and hope it is as funny to everyone else as it is to me. I have been tossing around ideas for what to do. I figured I could put together my stories in a compilation and try to come up with a clever name. I would attempt to come up with one know but I have been up for 22 hours and I can't think that quickly. So if you have any let me know.
My wife tells me I don't have time to take on such a project. I know she is right. However, I don't intend to get it all done by Friday or anything. I only have about 60 stories so far. Most of them cold fit into a book, but I still need more. Then there is one big point: who says someone wants to read all my ramblings anyway? I mean, I'm not a pro at this writing thing. I'm just a daddy.
Well, the main goals for me are to document the lighter side of fatherhood, show that surviving girls can be done, document these memories before I am too old to remember them, and create something to remind them of their childhoods and embarrass them as they get older. If I happen to get them into a book form, even if it is just for the family, that would be okay.
So I sit here thinking about this and in my sleep-deprived brain it sounds like a great idea. After I get some sleep I may reconsider. But then again I may come up with the next great Oprah Book Club title, right?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Lessons for driving...my girls should pay attention
In my line of work I see all types of drivers. There are the paranoid drivers, non-attentive drivers, speeders, and texters, among others. Weather, traffic conditions, and the presence of a marked patrol unit can all affect how a person drives. Here are some driving lessons for my girls. No, they cannot drive yet. Yes, they will one day. Now is as good a time as any to give some words of wisdom.
26. If you are driving down the road and see a police car, do not slam on the brakes. All that will do is make the officer pay more attention to you. If you aren't breaking any traffic laws don't worry about it. Now, if you are driving too fast while talking on the cell phone, applying makeup, eating lunch, and giving the officer the finger...you deserve to get stopped. And, don't call me for help. Take your ticket and say thank you.
27. If you are driving down the road and see the red and blue lights in your mirror because an officer is trying to get you to stop...STOP IMMEDIATELY! If you don't, there will be other officers along shortly and they won't be happy to see you. You all know what I do for a living. You all know what Uncle Jon Jon does, too. By the time you are old enough to drive a car you will have already heard about the pursuits we have had with people who refuse to do that one simple thing. Let me say it again...STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again, don't call me for help until you get to jail. Then, I will consider posting your bail.
28. The driver's seat is not the place to apply makeup. Let me rephrase that. The driver's seat of a moving vehicle is not the place to apply cosmetic products. Also, that little mirror on the visor over your head is not exactly equipped to allow you to adequately see what you are doing. Who knows, you may exit the car looking like Bozo the Clown. Sorry, he was famous when I was young and I watched his television show. If you want to know what he looks like, Google it. Anyway, the fact the car is in motion should be enough of a deterrent to prevent you from doing that. If not, the thought of crashing the car should be. That, and getting to where you are going looking like a clown.
29. Don't eat and drive. Put down the taco and drive the car. Enough said.
30. Forget the phone. If you are driving and the phone rings, do not answer it. If you are cruising and get a text message, do not answer it. If you must accept a call from some boy, all you need do is pull the car over and deal with it. Breaking this rule will result in the loss of the phone. Actually, it could result in you riding a bicycle wherever you go.
Keep these in mind when you turn the key in the ignition. Also, keep this visual...you riding a bicycle everywhere after I take away your keys. And please, do not embarrass your father who loves you by getting arrested. It just isn't polite.
26. If you are driving down the road and see a police car, do not slam on the brakes. All that will do is make the officer pay more attention to you. If you aren't breaking any traffic laws don't worry about it. Now, if you are driving too fast while talking on the cell phone, applying makeup, eating lunch, and giving the officer the finger...you deserve to get stopped. And, don't call me for help. Take your ticket and say thank you.
27. If you are driving down the road and see the red and blue lights in your mirror because an officer is trying to get you to stop...STOP IMMEDIATELY! If you don't, there will be other officers along shortly and they won't be happy to see you. You all know what I do for a living. You all know what Uncle Jon Jon does, too. By the time you are old enough to drive a car you will have already heard about the pursuits we have had with people who refuse to do that one simple thing. Let me say it again...STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again, don't call me for help until you get to jail. Then, I will consider posting your bail.
28. The driver's seat is not the place to apply makeup. Let me rephrase that. The driver's seat of a moving vehicle is not the place to apply cosmetic products. Also, that little mirror on the visor over your head is not exactly equipped to allow you to adequately see what you are doing. Who knows, you may exit the car looking like Bozo the Clown. Sorry, he was famous when I was young and I watched his television show. If you want to know what he looks like, Google it. Anyway, the fact the car is in motion should be enough of a deterrent to prevent you from doing that. If not, the thought of crashing the car should be. That, and getting to where you are going looking like a clown.
29. Don't eat and drive. Put down the taco and drive the car. Enough said.
30. Forget the phone. If you are driving and the phone rings, do not answer it. If you are cruising and get a text message, do not answer it. If you must accept a call from some boy, all you need do is pull the car over and deal with it. Breaking this rule will result in the loss of the phone. Actually, it could result in you riding a bicycle wherever you go.
Keep these in mind when you turn the key in the ignition. Also, keep this visual...you riding a bicycle everywhere after I take away your keys. And please, do not embarrass your father who loves you by getting arrested. It just isn't polite.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
No...
As Riley gets older her vocabulary continues to expand seemingly exponentially each day. Something that was baby babble yesterday becomes a clearly spoken word today. I love that she is learning new things. The sound of Riley saying "Daddy" is wonderful and I don't tire of hearing it. Of course, she doesn't string the words together like, "daddydaddydaddydaddydaddydaddy," and so on. No, she wants something and calls me. She doesn't chant it or scream. It sounds great every time.
But there is one word that crawls all over me when it is spoken by children to their parents. She has learned it and speaks it clearly and directly. Parents say it together..."NO." That's right, she has learned to not only speak the word "NO," but knows when to use it. It matters not to her who she says it to, but she seems to enjoy saying it. And, Riley is an equal opportunity refuser. She tells me, her mother, and Cooper. Of course, she yells at Cooper usually because she does not like something Cooper said or did. Anyway I have an example. Away we go.
Last evening before getting ready for work I intended to give Riley her bath and get her into her jammies. It is usually something I do on my nights off, but I had a little extra time before I had to get ready for work. So, she got an early bath. Riley was sitting on Ashley's lap in the living room when the following verbal exchange took place between us:
Daddy: Riley, want to take a bath?
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, bath time.
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace...
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, go to the bathroom
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace, go to the bathroom.
Riley: (shrugs shoulders) Ok.
And so went my night. Were it not so funny I would have gotten upset. There was my cute little darling sitting on mommy's lap and sternly refusing to comply with her father's demand that she take a bath. She finally got into the tub and bath time went as normal. Then she had to get out of the tub. Normally she doesn't put up a big fight. But tonight, armed with her new word, we repeated a similar exchange when I instructed her to get out of the tub. I told her it was time to get out and she refused. I let the water down the drain and she stood her ground. She started to get cold after the water ran out and she finally acquiesced.
It is nice that I can easily overcome her repeated use of that word. With her size, I can simply pick her up when I tell her to come to where I am and she responds in the negative. For those keeping score, that is Daddy 2, Riley 0. I know the victories will be short-lived, but let me bask in them for one night.
But there is one word that crawls all over me when it is spoken by children to their parents. She has learned it and speaks it clearly and directly. Parents say it together..."NO." That's right, she has learned to not only speak the word "NO," but knows when to use it. It matters not to her who she says it to, but she seems to enjoy saying it. And, Riley is an equal opportunity refuser. She tells me, her mother, and Cooper. Of course, she yells at Cooper usually because she does not like something Cooper said or did. Anyway I have an example. Away we go.
Last evening before getting ready for work I intended to give Riley her bath and get her into her jammies. It is usually something I do on my nights off, but I had a little extra time before I had to get ready for work. So, she got an early bath. Riley was sitting on Ashley's lap in the living room when the following verbal exchange took place between us:
Daddy: Riley, want to take a bath?
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, bath time.
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace...
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, go to the bathroom
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace, go to the bathroom.
Riley: (shrugs shoulders) Ok.
And so went my night. Were it not so funny I would have gotten upset. There was my cute little darling sitting on mommy's lap and sternly refusing to comply with her father's demand that she take a bath. She finally got into the tub and bath time went as normal. Then she had to get out of the tub. Normally she doesn't put up a big fight. But tonight, armed with her new word, we repeated a similar exchange when I instructed her to get out of the tub. I told her it was time to get out and she refused. I let the water down the drain and she stood her ground. She started to get cold after the water ran out and she finally acquiesced.
It is nice that I can easily overcome her repeated use of that word. With her size, I can simply pick her up when I tell her to come to where I am and she responds in the negative. For those keeping score, that is Daddy 2, Riley 0. I know the victories will be short-lived, but let me bask in them for one night.
Friday, November 4, 2011
That's my girl...
I have another Cooper funny that was relayed to me from Ashley.
The other day Ashley and Cooper were driving into Lubbock from Wolfforth on 82nd Street. Right at the city limit going into Lubbock there was a vehicle crash with several Lubbock PD officers and a Lubbock County deputy. Cooper looks at the crashed cars, the officers, and informs Ashley that I should have been there. After being asked why Cooper continued to explain and informed her mother that, are you ready for this, there were drugs in the tires.
Okay, several things here. First, Cooper is still a professional at throwing out random statements like that. Second, Cooper has been in the car with me when I talked about certain cars I saw traveling along the highway that I though would be good mule cars for moving dope. I think she was actually paying attention to a conversation that I was not even having with her. That is proof that she can hear and is capable of paying attention, and that her hearing issue is simply selective hearing.
Also, apparently Cooper has seen several episodes of "Border Wars" because she specifically said there were drugs in the tires. Thanks to a couple of hours of reality television and her listening to a few conversations about smugglers, I am happy to announce Cooper is now a dope hauling expert and is available for a consultation for a nominal fee. So if you require advice on possible hiding places smugglers use to transport and distribute controlled substances, and would like to catch and arrest said smugglers, give her a call. Yes folks, I am so proud. Wait while I wipe away the tear.
The other day Ashley and Cooper were driving into Lubbock from Wolfforth on 82nd Street. Right at the city limit going into Lubbock there was a vehicle crash with several Lubbock PD officers and a Lubbock County deputy. Cooper looks at the crashed cars, the officers, and informs Ashley that I should have been there. After being asked why Cooper continued to explain and informed her mother that, are you ready for this, there were drugs in the tires.
Okay, several things here. First, Cooper is still a professional at throwing out random statements like that. Second, Cooper has been in the car with me when I talked about certain cars I saw traveling along the highway that I though would be good mule cars for moving dope. I think she was actually paying attention to a conversation that I was not even having with her. That is proof that she can hear and is capable of paying attention, and that her hearing issue is simply selective hearing.
Also, apparently Cooper has seen several episodes of "Border Wars" because she specifically said there were drugs in the tires. Thanks to a couple of hours of reality television and her listening to a few conversations about smugglers, I am happy to announce Cooper is now a dope hauling expert and is available for a consultation for a nominal fee. So if you require advice on possible hiding places smugglers use to transport and distribute controlled substances, and would like to catch and arrest said smugglers, give her a call. Yes folks, I am so proud. Wait while I wipe away the tear.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11
I remember 9/11 like everyone else that was watching it unfold on television. I remember the images of people jumping to their deaths, those of the towers falling, and of people running for safety. I also remember watching police, fire, and emergency medical personnel doing everything they could do to help.
Professional writers and bloggers alike will be typing feverishly about memories and such. All I have to say is this: To the firefighters, EMS personnel, as well as my fellow LEO's...thank you. Sure we call each other names like pig, blue canary, bucket boy, and hose head. But I know that we have respect for each other for the roles we play in keeping our communities safe. We may never have to respond to an incident like 9/11, but we have our own tragedies to deal with daily.
Thank you, be vigilant, and go home safe tonight...
Professional writers and bloggers alike will be typing feverishly about memories and such. All I have to say is this: To the firefighters, EMS personnel, as well as my fellow LEO's...thank you. Sure we call each other names like pig, blue canary, bucket boy, and hose head. But I know that we have respect for each other for the roles we play in keeping our communities safe. We may never have to respond to an incident like 9/11, but we have our own tragedies to deal with daily.
Thank you, be vigilant, and go home safe tonight...
Thursday, September 8, 2011
More lessons for those children of mine...
So I have been thinking about more advice, and/or lessons for my girls. I have been thinking back to my own childhood and about the lessons I learned the hard way. Actually, some I watched others learn through some pain and injury while I laughed. So here we go...
21. When riding a bicycle always look forward. This one seems like a no brainer, right? I watched as a little boy I knew rammed into a sign while riding his bicycle and trying to look cool. There he was riding his bike laughing at me as I drove my car down the street. He was paying attention to me instead of the large pole and street sign in front of him. Three, two, one...and contact. Over the handle bars to the ground he went. He popped up and I got a laugh. Ask Uncle Mike to explain the rest.
22. Here is one from me. When climbing trees, don't go too high because the smaller branches won't support the weight. I was an avid tree climber back in the day and on one occasion I attempted to conquer the wrong tree. After reaching near the top I suddenly found myself dropping, bouncing, falling, scratching, crying, gasping, and finally landing on the ground with a thud. I popped up while my friends got a laugh.
23. When riding on the back of a motorcycle do not smile. Actually, don't even open your mouth. Keep your mouth closed, unless of course you would like to dine on the delicacies that are mosquitoes, flies, butterflies, or some other bug or insect. No they do not taste good. If you see someone that just got off of a motorcycle and you see what looks like a raisin on his teeth let me warn you, its a dead bug. Gross.
24. Always check to see if the sliding glass door is OPEN before attempting to run outside. Luckily for you all we do not have such a door on this house. When I was about 8 years old I was at a friend's house for a birthday party. They had a sliding glass door. I was inside and wanted to hurriedly go outside. Without looking I darted at a full sprint from the dining room towards the backyard when I met the clear, freshly cleaned glass door face first. Ouch. Yes there was physical pain, but the embarrassment was far worse. I popped up and yes, people got a laugh.
25. And finally, when you are my age (36 years old) do not...and I repeat DO NOT run in a house wearing only socks when the floors are wood. Only disaster awaits. I ran from the kitchen towards the bedroom to answer a phone call. I rounded the couch and slid for about half of a second before my feet and body went different directions. My feet left me behind and then I fell on my behind...hard. You know, getting up after a fall like that is not as easy to do as it was when I was younger. I didn't pop up from that one and I missed the phone call. The only good part was that there was no one there to get a laugh.
Listen to my words oh children of mine. I can spare you pain and embarrassment if you simply learn from my mistakes...and the one from Uncle Mike because that one was funny.
21. When riding a bicycle always look forward. This one seems like a no brainer, right? I watched as a little boy I knew rammed into a sign while riding his bicycle and trying to look cool. There he was riding his bike laughing at me as I drove my car down the street. He was paying attention to me instead of the large pole and street sign in front of him. Three, two, one...and contact. Over the handle bars to the ground he went. He popped up and I got a laugh. Ask Uncle Mike to explain the rest.
22. Here is one from me. When climbing trees, don't go too high because the smaller branches won't support the weight. I was an avid tree climber back in the day and on one occasion I attempted to conquer the wrong tree. After reaching near the top I suddenly found myself dropping, bouncing, falling, scratching, crying, gasping, and finally landing on the ground with a thud. I popped up while my friends got a laugh.
23. When riding on the back of a motorcycle do not smile. Actually, don't even open your mouth. Keep your mouth closed, unless of course you would like to dine on the delicacies that are mosquitoes, flies, butterflies, or some other bug or insect. No they do not taste good. If you see someone that just got off of a motorcycle and you see what looks like a raisin on his teeth let me warn you, its a dead bug. Gross.
24. Always check to see if the sliding glass door is OPEN before attempting to run outside. Luckily for you all we do not have such a door on this house. When I was about 8 years old I was at a friend's house for a birthday party. They had a sliding glass door. I was inside and wanted to hurriedly go outside. Without looking I darted at a full sprint from the dining room towards the backyard when I met the clear, freshly cleaned glass door face first. Ouch. Yes there was physical pain, but the embarrassment was far worse. I popped up and yes, people got a laugh.
25. And finally, when you are my age (36 years old) do not...and I repeat DO NOT run in a house wearing only socks when the floors are wood. Only disaster awaits. I ran from the kitchen towards the bedroom to answer a phone call. I rounded the couch and slid for about half of a second before my feet and body went different directions. My feet left me behind and then I fell on my behind...hard. You know, getting up after a fall like that is not as easy to do as it was when I was younger. I didn't pop up from that one and I missed the phone call. The only good part was that there was no one there to get a laugh.
Listen to my words oh children of mine. I can spare you pain and embarrassment if you simply learn from my mistakes...and the one from Uncle Mike because that one was funny.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The impatient backseat driver
I think Ashley and I are beginning to rub off on our children. They are turning into backseat drivers, and angry ones at that. A quick funny today.
Daddy day care begins again today because school is back in session after the holiday weekend. Part of my duties is to retrieve children from their educational institutions and deliver them home safely and start homework and the like. Cooper asked today if we could go to Sonic to get something to drink. I normally say no because I pick her up in the middle of their "Happy Hour" and every Frenship ISD soccer mom is there jockeying for a parking spot.
Today I relented and off we went to brave the madness. On arrival I saw it wasn't too bad and as I was driving into the parking lot I saw a vacant bay. Just as I approached one of the aforementioned soccer moms, without paying attention, backs out of the bay. Okay, normally not a big deal except she backed out and just stopped. Here is where my backseat driver speaks up.
Apparently she was crazy thirsty and was extremely parched. That, or she was just being the typical impatient 6 year old. Either way, Cooper notices the large mommy mobile stopped in the traffic lane and yells, Hellooooooo, move it!" She was almost hostile. Our influence is apparently starting to show up.
It took me several seconds to put it all together because I was still a little groggy from having recently woke up. I saw the gas guzzler stopped in front of me and I heard Cooper talking. Then it hit me and I busted out laughing. Then the humor passed when I realized she had beat me to what I normally say under the same circumstances. Oh boy.
Yes, I am an impatient driver. I see someone driving stupidly and I comment. I see someone stopped at a green light I respond with "Hellooooooo, it's green!" I guess she comes by it honestly.
Daddy day care begins again today because school is back in session after the holiday weekend. Part of my duties is to retrieve children from their educational institutions and deliver them home safely and start homework and the like. Cooper asked today if we could go to Sonic to get something to drink. I normally say no because I pick her up in the middle of their "Happy Hour" and every Frenship ISD soccer mom is there jockeying for a parking spot.
Today I relented and off we went to brave the madness. On arrival I saw it wasn't too bad and as I was driving into the parking lot I saw a vacant bay. Just as I approached one of the aforementioned soccer moms, without paying attention, backs out of the bay. Okay, normally not a big deal except she backed out and just stopped. Here is where my backseat driver speaks up.
Apparently she was crazy thirsty and was extremely parched. That, or she was just being the typical impatient 6 year old. Either way, Cooper notices the large mommy mobile stopped in the traffic lane and yells, Hellooooooo, move it!" She was almost hostile. Our influence is apparently starting to show up.
It took me several seconds to put it all together because I was still a little groggy from having recently woke up. I saw the gas guzzler stopped in front of me and I heard Cooper talking. Then it hit me and I busted out laughing. Then the humor passed when I realized she had beat me to what I normally say under the same circumstances. Oh boy.
Yes, I am an impatient driver. I see someone driving stupidly and I comment. I see someone stopped at a green light I respond with "Hellooooooo, it's green!" I guess she comes by it honestly.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
My daughters hate my attire
I am not sure what it is about the way I dress that makes my children sick. I mean literally sick. It could be that they are making an obvious critique of me attire by way of regurgitation and demand I change. I know that children do get sick for a variety of reasons. Who knew my wardrobe would be one of them.
Riley, although learning to speak, cannot simply come right out and say, "Daddy, I hate your clothes." No, that would be too easy. She has to make an announcement in other ways. She is almost 18 months old now and opinionated. When she was younger she did not simply "spit up" on me. No, that would have been expected.
While enjoying dinner with friends at Cracker Barrel one fine evening Riley opted to choose that as the time to tell me she hated my shirt. And pants. Riley had recently finished some yogurt and a bottle. Great combination as I later learned. I was holding her up, facing me, when I saw a look on her face I recognized. Her eyes sort of fixed on me and she looked confused. I had seen her sisters exhibit a similar look in the past and I distinctly remembered what happened after I saw the look on previous occasions.
There I was staring at my child and before I could react, up came the...well...everything. The poor family seated behind us had their meal ruined by the sight of me being drenched in baby puke. The remainder of the restaurant got an amusing show. Riley laughed. I wanted to run out screaming like a little girl in embarrassment. My clothing was drenched and smelly and I had nothing else to wear. Oh boy.
Luckily for me, Chris and Liz are prepared for everything. I got a pair of utilities and a t-shirt to change into and all was well, except for the mess I had to clean up on the floor of the restaurant. Luckily we were seated right where everyone could see.
Once again Riley let me know she did not appreciate what I was dressed in. And of all things, I was wearing a Chargers jersey with her uncle's number on it. Sorry Uncle Mike, she just wasn't feeling it after the loss on Thursday. Anyway, she was playing and sitting in my lap when I saw the look again. Then, she did it again. All I could do was sit there on the couch and just hold her up until mommy came to the rescue.
No one ever told me that my children would be so brutally honest. So for my daughters I have a request...please don't puke on me again. I am sorry I am not as stylish as you all are. I will try to do better. Maybe mommy should pick out my clothes?
Riley, although learning to speak, cannot simply come right out and say, "Daddy, I hate your clothes." No, that would be too easy. She has to make an announcement in other ways. She is almost 18 months old now and opinionated. When she was younger she did not simply "spit up" on me. No, that would have been expected.
While enjoying dinner with friends at Cracker Barrel one fine evening Riley opted to choose that as the time to tell me she hated my shirt. And pants. Riley had recently finished some yogurt and a bottle. Great combination as I later learned. I was holding her up, facing me, when I saw a look on her face I recognized. Her eyes sort of fixed on me and she looked confused. I had seen her sisters exhibit a similar look in the past and I distinctly remembered what happened after I saw the look on previous occasions.
There I was staring at my child and before I could react, up came the...well...everything. The poor family seated behind us had their meal ruined by the sight of me being drenched in baby puke. The remainder of the restaurant got an amusing show. Riley laughed. I wanted to run out screaming like a little girl in embarrassment. My clothing was drenched and smelly and I had nothing else to wear. Oh boy.
Luckily for me, Chris and Liz are prepared for everything. I got a pair of utilities and a t-shirt to change into and all was well, except for the mess I had to clean up on the floor of the restaurant. Luckily we were seated right where everyone could see.
Once again Riley let me know she did not appreciate what I was dressed in. And of all things, I was wearing a Chargers jersey with her uncle's number on it. Sorry Uncle Mike, she just wasn't feeling it after the loss on Thursday. Anyway, she was playing and sitting in my lap when I saw the look again. Then, she did it again. All I could do was sit there on the couch and just hold her up until mommy came to the rescue.
No one ever told me that my children would be so brutally honest. So for my daughters I have a request...please don't puke on me again. I am sorry I am not as stylish as you all are. I will try to do better. Maybe mommy should pick out my clothes?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Retaking the house...from our children
Here we are again. Do you hear it? No? That is good. It is called quiet. That is something that we don't normally have around here because the children run the house during the summer months and overfill it with noise. But now is the time for Ashley and I to regain control of our humble abode. It is time to take back our house with the assistance of a little thing called SCHOOL.
Yes, Ashley and I are please to report that our children have been sent off to become smarter than we are. Well, smarter than me anyway. They are gone all day interacting with others, learning new things, playing hard, and completely destroying someone else's property for a change.
We have assessed the damage here at home and I am happy to say the house is still standing. They tried to take it out from the ground up. We have scrubbed yogurt off of the door, crayons off of the walls, and cookie dough off of the table. They bounced off of walls, jumped onto and off of couches, and even built forts in the living room in an attempt to declare it their territory. But they are no match for us now and we have the upper hand. After a long day at school they return to do homework and seem to be too tired to create a large mess. Bedtime is no longer a battle. I love it.
So for the other parents, enjoy the quiet as I do while I sleep during the day (since I work all night). May your homes stay cleaner than they did all summer. And for the teachers...in all seriousness, God bless you for the job you do. Because it takes a special person to be locked away with those little people all day and maintain your sanity. May they be studious and attentive instead of destructive and unruly.
FYI - for a glimpse at how Cooper led a classroom insurrection last year, check out the "Hit and run and some anarchy" blog post from last fall. Enjoy.
Yes, Ashley and I are please to report that our children have been sent off to become smarter than we are. Well, smarter than me anyway. They are gone all day interacting with others, learning new things, playing hard, and completely destroying someone else's property for a change.
We have assessed the damage here at home and I am happy to say the house is still standing. They tried to take it out from the ground up. We have scrubbed yogurt off of the door, crayons off of the walls, and cookie dough off of the table. They bounced off of walls, jumped onto and off of couches, and even built forts in the living room in an attempt to declare it their territory. But they are no match for us now and we have the upper hand. After a long day at school they return to do homework and seem to be too tired to create a large mess. Bedtime is no longer a battle. I love it.
So for the other parents, enjoy the quiet as I do while I sleep during the day (since I work all night). May your homes stay cleaner than they did all summer. And for the teachers...in all seriousness, God bless you for the job you do. Because it takes a special person to be locked away with those little people all day and maintain your sanity. May they be studious and attentive instead of destructive and unruly.
FYI - for a glimpse at how Cooper led a classroom insurrection last year, check out the "Hit and run and some anarchy" blog post from last fall. Enjoy.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Where did the summer go?
Today my first born leaves again. It seems as though Hannah just got here and today flies back to California. Her summer with us seemed to go so fast. We didn't get to do some of the things the girls wanted to do, but it's okay. There will be other times. I sat here, having woke up at 0430 hours, trying to think of something humorous to write about and I've got nothing. Surely there is a funny story to recount, but I can't think of one right now.
I love my girls and know they will all eventually be growing up and moving on eventually. I just hope we can make the most of all of our time together. It's easy to get frustrated with the day to day stuff. The arguing, the whining, and the messes. But there is so much more to enjoy that far outweighs those things. I just hope my girls know how much I love them all.
Well, I know Hannah will be back in a few months for the Christmas break. Time will continue to march on and I will only get older (insert old man jokes here). I will be back to write about my funny adventures in fatherhood another day. And, the Chargers will win the Super Bowl this season. Well, that one is not a certainty but we are optimistic.
I love my girls and know they will all eventually be growing up and moving on eventually. I just hope we can make the most of all of our time together. It's easy to get frustrated with the day to day stuff. The arguing, the whining, and the messes. But there is so much more to enjoy that far outweighs those things. I just hope my girls know how much I love them all.
Well, I know Hannah will be back in a few months for the Christmas break. Time will continue to march on and I will only get older (insert old man jokes here). I will be back to write about my funny adventures in fatherhood another day. And, the Chargers will win the Super Bowl this season. Well, that one is not a certainty but we are optimistic.
Monday, August 15, 2011
"Attack Daddy"
Those are the words I hear right before it happens. I hear them in my sleep at times after suffering a vicious sneak attack by my precious little ones. Don't let their cute little faces fool you...they are ruthless. Ruthless, I said.
Recently my girls have found it humorous to dog pile me while I lay on the floor. Why lay on the floor you ask? Because I thought I could. I thought I was safe. I thought there was no way my daughters would think to gang up on me and engage me in a fight. I was wrong. Observe, friends.
Here is what we see. In the first photo Hannah saw me laying on the floor. She rallies her fellow troops by yelling throughout the house, loud enough to call even the neighbor's kids..."ATTACK DADDY." Children run from everywhere, including as we see, Riley. It was like the call of the wild or something. Hannah's strategy was simple. She planned to take out my legs so I could not get up and run. She lays across my legs to weigh them down and allow Riley to leap onto my head and kick me about the face. Cooper was not sure yet what to do, so she helped Hannah.
In the second piece of photographic evidence we see Hannah and Cooper now laying over my legs and Riley laying on my shoulder and chest to go for the pin. Had there been a referee I would have been counted out.
Lastly, in the third photo, we see Hannah and Cooper still working over my legs and knees, while Riley repositioned herself toward my feet. It appears her short attention span got the best of her as she seemed to have forgotten what she was supposed to do, and instead mimicked her sisters. I saw an opening and attempted to get up, but I was powerless having suffered a beating at the hands of my little angels.
Riley was the cruelest, as she repeatedly kicked me in the face and head and showed her meanness by laughing at me. Actually, they all did. And were was my loving bride during the melee? On the couch laughing and snapping pictures. I will remember that when they suddenly yell, "Attack Mommy!!!" You too will be on your own. And they are ruthless mommy, ruthless I said.
Recently my girls have found it humorous to dog pile me while I lay on the floor. Why lay on the floor you ask? Because I thought I could. I thought I was safe. I thought there was no way my daughters would think to gang up on me and engage me in a fight. I was wrong. Observe, friends.
In the second piece of photographic evidence we see Hannah and Cooper now laying over my legs and Riley laying on my shoulder and chest to go for the pin. Had there been a referee I would have been counted out.
Lastly, in the third photo, we see Hannah and Cooper still working over my legs and knees, while Riley repositioned herself toward my feet. It appears her short attention span got the best of her as she seemed to have forgotten what she was supposed to do, and instead mimicked her sisters. I saw an opening and attempted to get up, but I was powerless having suffered a beating at the hands of my little angels.
Riley was the cruelest, as she repeatedly kicked me in the face and head and showed her meanness by laughing at me. Actually, they all did. And were was my loving bride during the melee? On the couch laughing and snapping pictures. I will remember that when they suddenly yell, "Attack Mommy!!!" You too will be on your own. And they are ruthless mommy, ruthless I said.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Forgive us our theivery...
I had a completely different topic all picked out and ready to go this morning. Then, last night, Ashley called me with a story that I could not pass up. Her quote last night: "
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Fort Scifres
A quick one this morning.
Occasionally my daughters believe themselves to be architects. They, from time to time, construct playhouses and things of that sort using only what is immediately available to them in the living room, dining room, and hallway. I would be interested to see what they erect using my tools from the garage. If they had access to a hammer, nails, and a few 2x4s, I would come home to a skyscraper in the back yard. Anyone who watches "Phineas and Ferb" knows what I mean.
Recently I get a text message with this photograph of what Ashley called, "Fort Scifres."
It is not the greatest photo because it was taken with a cell phone camera, but you get the idea. Hannah and Cooper used the dining room chairs as walls/support beams, and covered their structure with the blankets from a basket in the hallway. Cooper wanted a light, so she took the lamp from her room. I am told there was also food hidden away for a midnight snack, you know, in case one of them got the munchies in the wee hours of the morning.
I got the message in the evening hours, around their normal bed time. I thought it was nice and forgot about it. I thought it would not be there when I got home, because I just KNEW Ashley would have them deconstruct that monstrosity that took up every inch of space between the couch and entertainment center.
So I tiredly arrive at my abode after work and expected to walk in and find everything as normal. No. I walk in to Fort Scifres inside the house. I smile, laugh a little, and walk into the bedroom. I was so amused, and at the same time tired, that I missed one large detail. While walking back and forth from the kitchen to my bedroom I totally was oblivious to the fact that my sweet children were ASLEEP ON THE WOOD FLOOR of their fort. Yes, technically there was a rug between the floor and them, but hey, they were still sleeping on the floor.
When I finally realized it, I thought to myself that I was glad they were young because if that were me my back would be killing me. And, I would look completely ridiculous sleeping under the pink blankets, between my dining room chairs, on the floor, and with my feet hanging out the end. That would have been a photo op my wife would have taken full advantage of and plastered all over Facebook.
Oh, and the snacks they had hidden...still there in the morning. They apparently had to be thrown away because they should have been refrigerated or something. I just know that they were not edible anymore.
The daddy part of me is proud of them for their construction prowess and ingenuity, coupled with the fact they did not fight each other to the death given the proximity between them for eight hours. The kid in me was totally jealous because I want to build a fort, too.
Occasionally my daughters believe themselves to be architects. They, from time to time, construct playhouses and things of that sort using only what is immediately available to them in the living room, dining room, and hallway. I would be interested to see what they erect using my tools from the garage. If they had access to a hammer, nails, and a few 2x4s, I would come home to a skyscraper in the back yard. Anyone who watches "Phineas and Ferb" knows what I mean.
Recently I get a text message with this photograph of what Ashley called, "Fort Scifres."
I got the message in the evening hours, around their normal bed time. I thought it was nice and forgot about it. I thought it would not be there when I got home, because I just KNEW Ashley would have them deconstruct that monstrosity that took up every inch of space between the couch and entertainment center.
So I tiredly arrive at my abode after work and expected to walk in and find everything as normal. No. I walk in to Fort Scifres inside the house. I smile, laugh a little, and walk into the bedroom. I was so amused, and at the same time tired, that I missed one large detail. While walking back and forth from the kitchen to my bedroom I totally was oblivious to the fact that my sweet children were ASLEEP ON THE WOOD FLOOR of their fort. Yes, technically there was a rug between the floor and them, but hey, they were still sleeping on the floor.
When I finally realized it, I thought to myself that I was glad they were young because if that were me my back would be killing me. And, I would look completely ridiculous sleeping under the pink blankets, between my dining room chairs, on the floor, and with my feet hanging out the end. That would have been a photo op my wife would have taken full advantage of and plastered all over Facebook.
Oh, and the snacks they had hidden...still there in the morning. They apparently had to be thrown away because they should have been refrigerated or something. I just know that they were not edible anymore.
The daddy part of me is proud of them for their construction prowess and ingenuity, coupled with the fact they did not fight each other to the death given the proximity between them for eight hours. The kid in me was totally jealous because I want to build a fort, too.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Daddy Song
Apparently Riley is learning to sing. I believe her sister's musical talents are beginning to rub off on her. Ashley even called Riley "Our little 401k," after watching her perform her rendition of the "Daddy Song" for me using the flashlight from my duty belt.
On Tuesday evening we were busy. I hadn't eaten yet, even though I made a sad attempt before being called away from my sustenance to assist with a large scale fight. A lot of people went to jail, it was hot, and I was starving. The night was not starting off as planned.
Then I got a text message with a video attached. Watch for yourself the grace with which Riley strums her guitar and note her perfect pitch while singing her song about her daddy.
Okay, so not so perfect pitch, but not bad though. I saw that and had to laugh. I forgot for a few moments that I was hot, sweaty, and starving. I forgot about the fights, the yelling, and cursing. I smiled as my baby girl belted out a song for me.
Then on Wednesday while I was getting ready for work Riley was sitting on the bed with Ashley, and my duty belt. Riley enjoys all of the stuff on it and crawled over there and immediately went for my flashlight. The thing is metal and about 8 inches long. If she dropped it on her head it would likely knock her out cold. But, she grabs the light and begins to perform an a cappella version of the "Daddy Song." No guitar, just Riley and her...flashlight. Funny stuff folks. Then, Ashley called her our little 401k. My reply..."No, she is our retirement in Hawaii."
Hey, like I said, by the time she moves out and gets married she will owe me nearly half a million for raising her. I could settle for a little place near the beach where we got married instead of cash. Kapalua Bay is nice, well, year round. See you on Maui folks.
So if the video won't play, here is the link.
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=540167599243&comments
On Tuesday evening we were busy. I hadn't eaten yet, even though I made a sad attempt before being called away from my sustenance to assist with a large scale fight. A lot of people went to jail, it was hot, and I was starving. The night was not starting off as planned.
Then I got a text message with a video attached. Watch for yourself the grace with which Riley strums her guitar and note her perfect pitch while singing her song about her daddy.
Okay, so not so perfect pitch, but not bad though. I saw that and had to laugh. I forgot for a few moments that I was hot, sweaty, and starving. I forgot about the fights, the yelling, and cursing. I smiled as my baby girl belted out a song for me.
Then on Wednesday while I was getting ready for work Riley was sitting on the bed with Ashley, and my duty belt. Riley enjoys all of the stuff on it and crawled over there and immediately went for my flashlight. The thing is metal and about 8 inches long. If she dropped it on her head it would likely knock her out cold. But, she grabs the light and begins to perform an a cappella version of the "Daddy Song." No guitar, just Riley and her...flashlight. Funny stuff folks. Then, Ashley called her our little 401k. My reply..."No, she is our retirement in Hawaii."
Hey, like I said, by the time she moves out and gets married she will owe me nearly half a million for raising her. I could settle for a little place near the beach where we got married instead of cash. Kapalua Bay is nice, well, year round. See you on Maui folks.
So if the video won't play, here is the link.
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=540167599243&comments
Monday, August 1, 2011
The Faces of Mischief
I have said since it since she was born. Riley is tricking Ashley and I. She is currently deceiving us by being cute, and funny. Yes, Hannah and Cooper were, and are, cute and funny. But Riley is different. There is something in her face that tells me that we are in for some trouble with her. And, so are her sisters. Let me tell you with some photos. Behind the cuteness is some mischief.
Here Riley is deep in thought about what to do. She is contemplating how best to get away with some sort of prank, all while having her sisters take the blame for it. Cute...yes. Mischievous...indeed.
In the second photograph we see Riley having already completed her deed and is now looking for somewhere to discard the evidence. She knows she has to locate it somewhere that we can find it, and also someplace close enough to her sisters to implicate them, without them knowing.
In the third photograph we have Riley, having already carried out her deed, delighting in the fact her sisters are in trouble and getting blamed for whatever it is that she has planned out and executed perfectly. Just look at the brow and the smile...she is good.
Riley's unsuspecting sisters have at this point replied to our accusations with, "It wasn't us, it was Riley!" Riley looks at us as if to ask, "Who, me?" Then, she angrily looks at her falsely accused sisters as if to ask them, "How can you blame me, I can barely walk?"
And in the last photograph we see Riley rejoicing in having completely suckered her father while engaging me in a game of "come and chase me, daddy" as she takes off running. She has gotten away with it and she is happy. I am clueless.
I tell you friends, Riley is already a master. This is a child who is learning from her sisters, who were pretty good themselves at creating havoc and getting away with it. Cooper could have stolen and eaten a bag of Cheetos, had orange powdered cheese on her face and hands, and deny taking them after being caught. She would be so convincing you almost had to believe her. Why? She could fabricate a ludicrous story as to how she came to be covered in Cheeto dust because the Cheeto truck overturned near the house and she helped pick them all up. And as ridiculous as the story would sound, it would also be plausible. But as I have said before, Cooper has a tell when she is lying. She will follow her lie with this: "I'm serious."
The sky could be blue and Cooper could say, "The sky is a reddish orange color today." Just by looking at her face, and without looking overhead, I would believe her until she followed the assertion with, "I'm serious." I detect liars for a living and I have to say, these little people are good.
Riley is learning from the professionals. She is mastering her craft as we speak. She is likely already thinking of her next deed to get her sisters into trouble. And when she has come up with her idea, we will see this:
It is sort of her "ah ha" face. As in, "ohhhhhhh, I got a good one." Trouble I tell you...we are in T R O U B L E.
I tell you friends, Riley is already a master. This is a child who is learning from her sisters, who were pretty good themselves at creating havoc and getting away with it. Cooper could have stolen and eaten a bag of Cheetos, had orange powdered cheese on her face and hands, and deny taking them after being caught. She would be so convincing you almost had to believe her. Why? She could fabricate a ludicrous story as to how she came to be covered in Cheeto dust because the Cheeto truck overturned near the house and she helped pick them all up. And as ridiculous as the story would sound, it would also be plausible. But as I have said before, Cooper has a tell when she is lying. She will follow her lie with this: "I'm serious."
The sky could be blue and Cooper could say, "The sky is a reddish orange color today." Just by looking at her face, and without looking overhead, I would believe her until she followed the assertion with, "I'm serious." I detect liars for a living and I have to say, these little people are good.
Riley is learning from the professionals. She is mastering her craft as we speak. She is likely already thinking of her next deed to get her sisters into trouble. And when she has come up with her idea, we will see this:
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A diaper story
Hannah and Cooper are of the age to be a big help to us around the house. Well, sometimes. They are able to clean the living room, fold a little laundry, and scrub the floors with a toothbrush on their hands and knees. Okay, so that one is an exaggeration. But you get the point. We assumed that they could help with Riley. Specifically we thought they could assist us by changing an occasional diaper. Yes, the following happened yesterday morning after I got home and was going to bed.
Ashley asked Cooper and Hannah to help. She requested Cooper aid with the morning task of changing Riley's diaper and getting her dressed. Cooper willingly, and at least initially, cheerfully agreed and walked Riley to her room. The following is my recollection of the conversation as it happened between Cooper and Hannah...
Cooper: "Hannah, we need to change Riley's diaper."
Hannah: "Check and see if is a poo diaper."
Coooper: "No, you check."
Hannah: "No, you check it."
So you get where this is going. No one wanted to check the diaper on the off chance is was a doo-doo diaper. And, assuming it was, no one was going to change it. So, mommy steps in and says, "Just change it, it is a pee diaper. She won't poo until after you change it." I know...great conversations are going on in our house. Luckily Riley is predictable in the early morning.
Anyway, neither of them wanted to change it but Cooper finally relented and took on the task. So Cooper walks back into our bedroom with Riley in tow. She is holding two wet wipes and a diaper, but no change of clothing. I assume she was just going to let Riley streak around the house in only a diaper.
Cooper argues with Riley in a failed attempt to convince her to lie down on the floor. Cooper fails to recognize that Riley cannot speak or comprehend beyond the words "momma, dada, food, milk, and eat." Even then, she can only say momma and dada. The words, "lie down so I can change your wet diaper and change your clothing" is not yet understandable to her. But, Riley finally loses the confused look on her face and sits down. Cooper forcibly lies her back to begin the task of Operation Clean Diaper.
I hear what is going on, and I roll over and peek over the side of the bed to watch the sure disaster that is about to take place. Cooper pulls off Riley's pajama bottoms rather easily, then begins to deconstruct the diaper. It is somewhat dark in the room because it is only illuminated by the bathroom light, where Ashley is getting ready for work. Cooper searches for, and finally finds, the tabs holding the diaper on and yanks them off along with the diaper from under Riley's bottom. She rolls it up and attempts to tape it back together. This takes some time, so Riley lays on the floor exposed to the world for a dangerously long amount of time. Ashley realizes this and instructs Cooper to "put the diaper on so she doesn't pee on the carpet."
Cooper unfolds the diaper and begins to put it on without wiping Riley's wet bottom to clean it up. Fortunately Riley did not pee on the carpet. She folds Riley in half. I do mean in half, because she pushed Riley's feet behind her ears. She begins to put the diaper under Riley, except she puts in under her backwards. Ashley arrives to assist and continues to aid Cooper to apply the diaper...backwards. I laugh. Cooper is confused. Ashley figures it out and stares it me. She flips it around and in record time completes the change. Mommy to the rescue. Daddy laughs and rolls over.
I realized several things. Cooper can't change a diaper. Neither Cooper, nor Hannah, will change a doo-doo diaper. Daddy will not help, but laugh.
Ashley asked Cooper and Hannah to help. She requested Cooper aid with the morning task of changing Riley's diaper and getting her dressed. Cooper willingly, and at least initially, cheerfully agreed and walked Riley to her room. The following is my recollection of the conversation as it happened between Cooper and Hannah...
Cooper: "Hannah, we need to change Riley's diaper."
Hannah: "Check and see if is a poo diaper."
Coooper: "No, you check."
Hannah: "No, you check it."
So you get where this is going. No one wanted to check the diaper on the off chance is was a doo-doo diaper. And, assuming it was, no one was going to change it. So, mommy steps in and says, "Just change it, it is a pee diaper. She won't poo until after you change it." I know...great conversations are going on in our house. Luckily Riley is predictable in the early morning.
Anyway, neither of them wanted to change it but Cooper finally relented and took on the task. So Cooper walks back into our bedroom with Riley in tow. She is holding two wet wipes and a diaper, but no change of clothing. I assume she was just going to let Riley streak around the house in only a diaper.
Cooper argues with Riley in a failed attempt to convince her to lie down on the floor. Cooper fails to recognize that Riley cannot speak or comprehend beyond the words "momma, dada, food, milk, and eat." Even then, she can only say momma and dada. The words, "lie down so I can change your wet diaper and change your clothing" is not yet understandable to her. But, Riley finally loses the confused look on her face and sits down. Cooper forcibly lies her back to begin the task of Operation Clean Diaper.
I hear what is going on, and I roll over and peek over the side of the bed to watch the sure disaster that is about to take place. Cooper pulls off Riley's pajama bottoms rather easily, then begins to deconstruct the diaper. It is somewhat dark in the room because it is only illuminated by the bathroom light, where Ashley is getting ready for work. Cooper searches for, and finally finds, the tabs holding the diaper on and yanks them off along with the diaper from under Riley's bottom. She rolls it up and attempts to tape it back together. This takes some time, so Riley lays on the floor exposed to the world for a dangerously long amount of time. Ashley realizes this and instructs Cooper to "put the diaper on so she doesn't pee on the carpet."
Cooper unfolds the diaper and begins to put it on without wiping Riley's wet bottom to clean it up. Fortunately Riley did not pee on the carpet. She folds Riley in half. I do mean in half, because she pushed Riley's feet behind her ears. She begins to put the diaper under Riley, except she puts in under her backwards. Ashley arrives to assist and continues to aid Cooper to apply the diaper...backwards. I laugh. Cooper is confused. Ashley figures it out and stares it me. She flips it around and in record time completes the change. Mommy to the rescue. Daddy laughs and rolls over.
I realized several things. Cooper can't change a diaper. Neither Cooper, nor Hannah, will change a doo-doo diaper. Daddy will not help, but laugh.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Yes, time for more lessons for my girls...
I always tell humorous stories about the girls so I guess it is time again to tell on myself, while providing some lessons for my lovely princesses. So here we go...
16. Your father looks funny when he runs, and so will you one day. I am tall and getting older. When I was young I had a good, long running stride. I wasn't fast of course, but I looked good when I ran. Not too long ago I actually saw myself run. Actually, I experienced seeing my shadow in front of me as a chased a fleeing suspect. It was not pretty. It looked awkward and felt strange. My legs wouldn't do what I wanted so I felt myself off balance and my arms were flailing. I looked like a toddler learning to walk. When did I get too old to look cool and run at the same time? I may never know. I just know that I look ridiculous. But, I know you too will one day look like me when you run. Your arms will flail around and your legs won't work like you want them too. I warned you.
17. Your father does not fear much, but he is afraid of snakes...and sometimes mom. I have one of those jobs that does not allow me to show fear. I talk to bad guys all of the time. Having said that, I am afraid of snakes. They are slimy with little beady black eyes, and have that weird looking tongue. They just creep me out. You want to see me run (remember how I said I look running) and scream like a little girl? Throw a snake at my feet. Want to see me do the same thing and cry? Put one on me. Not good.
Then there is mommy. You all know what I am talking about because she has gotten mad at you, too. A word of advice...do as your mother says, or we are gonna get it. Oh yeah, don't tell her I said that. Actually don't tell anyone so I can let them think I am in charge at home, even though mommy is the boss.
18. Your father has no rhythm, and therefore cannot dance. Yep, it is true. Watching me dance is both comical and painful all at the same time. Ever seen anyone BEG a person to stop dancing? I have. Yep, I mean me. Prior to seeing me dance no one knew just how little rhythm a person could have. I have none. Nada. Now, they know it is possible to have completely none at all. Kids made fun of me dancing at a wedding one time. That's right...kids! Of course, I was dancing to "Shout" and all I had to do was jump up and down. It didn't even require rhythm, just for me to jump up and down. I was embarrassed. I had no idea how bad it was. Hopefully you get your mother's rhythm. She can dance...I cannot. So when you get married and there is that father-daughter dance thing, expect me to completely embarrass you. Get ready for it. Or the other option is to teach me to dance. Again, I warned you.
19. Your father dislikes being sick. This is actually to prepare you for when you gt married. Men are babies when they get sick. That is not an exaggeration. Ask your mother. She will readily tell you about a time when I was sick and laying on the bathroom floor just because the cold tile felt good on my face. She will tell you I whined because I had body aches. I complained because I was thirsty. I griped about having to take go to the doctor and take medicine. I wasn't even offended when she called me a little girl because I knew she was right. Your future husbands will be the same way. Just wait.
20. Your father is smart, but does not know everything. I know, I know. I will give you a minute to recover from the shock. You thought I was a genius and knew everything. Sorry to burst you image of me. But, on the up side I know a lot of cool stuff. Most of it is useless trivia, but cool nonetheless. For example...your foot is as long as your forearm measured from your wrist to your elbow. Try it, you know you want to.
I don't know a lot, too. I don't know what type of cow produces the best milk. I have no clue why Canadian Geese opt to stop in Lubbock for extended periods of time and make so much noise. I am completely ignorant as to how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Sorry, that is the truth.
Well, take comfort my dears that you are like me in many ways and at least one of these things will apply to you at some point in your life. Personally I hope you dance better than me so you can all be spared the embarrassment I suffered. Of course, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you but, you never know.
16. Your father looks funny when he runs, and so will you one day. I am tall and getting older. When I was young I had a good, long running stride. I wasn't fast of course, but I looked good when I ran. Not too long ago I actually saw myself run. Actually, I experienced seeing my shadow in front of me as a chased a fleeing suspect. It was not pretty. It looked awkward and felt strange. My legs wouldn't do what I wanted so I felt myself off balance and my arms were flailing. I looked like a toddler learning to walk. When did I get too old to look cool and run at the same time? I may never know. I just know that I look ridiculous. But, I know you too will one day look like me when you run. Your arms will flail around and your legs won't work like you want them too. I warned you.
17. Your father does not fear much, but he is afraid of snakes...and sometimes mom. I have one of those jobs that does not allow me to show fear. I talk to bad guys all of the time. Having said that, I am afraid of snakes. They are slimy with little beady black eyes, and have that weird looking tongue. They just creep me out. You want to see me run (remember how I said I look running) and scream like a little girl? Throw a snake at my feet. Want to see me do the same thing and cry? Put one on me. Not good.
Then there is mommy. You all know what I am talking about because she has gotten mad at you, too. A word of advice...do as your mother says, or we are gonna get it. Oh yeah, don't tell her I said that. Actually don't tell anyone so I can let them think I am in charge at home, even though mommy is the boss.
18. Your father has no rhythm, and therefore cannot dance. Yep, it is true. Watching me dance is both comical and painful all at the same time. Ever seen anyone BEG a person to stop dancing? I have. Yep, I mean me. Prior to seeing me dance no one knew just how little rhythm a person could have. I have none. Nada. Now, they know it is possible to have completely none at all. Kids made fun of me dancing at a wedding one time. That's right...kids! Of course, I was dancing to "Shout" and all I had to do was jump up and down. It didn't even require rhythm, just for me to jump up and down. I was embarrassed. I had no idea how bad it was. Hopefully you get your mother's rhythm. She can dance...I cannot. So when you get married and there is that father-daughter dance thing, expect me to completely embarrass you. Get ready for it. Or the other option is to teach me to dance. Again, I warned you.
19. Your father dislikes being sick. This is actually to prepare you for when you gt married. Men are babies when they get sick. That is not an exaggeration. Ask your mother. She will readily tell you about a time when I was sick and laying on the bathroom floor just because the cold tile felt good on my face. She will tell you I whined because I had body aches. I complained because I was thirsty. I griped about having to take go to the doctor and take medicine. I wasn't even offended when she called me a little girl because I knew she was right. Your future husbands will be the same way. Just wait.
20. Your father is smart, but does not know everything. I know, I know. I will give you a minute to recover from the shock. You thought I was a genius and knew everything. Sorry to burst you image of me. But, on the up side I know a lot of cool stuff. Most of it is useless trivia, but cool nonetheless. For example...your foot is as long as your forearm measured from your wrist to your elbow. Try it, you know you want to.
I don't know a lot, too. I don't know what type of cow produces the best milk. I have no clue why Canadian Geese opt to stop in Lubbock for extended periods of time and make so much noise. I am completely ignorant as to how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Sorry, that is the truth.
Well, take comfort my dears that you are like me in many ways and at least one of these things will apply to you at some point in your life. Personally I hope you dance better than me so you can all be spared the embarrassment I suffered. Of course, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you but, you never know.
Monday, July 25, 2011
It looks like trouble to me...
Yep, trouble it is. My daughters will be the death of me. I joke, but with a level of seriousness about it. Here is why I say that. For all the dads with daughters, you will know what I mean...take a look with me won't you:
It is a sight moms think is cute, and dads well, don't. It has already started at my house and one of my daughters is still in diapers. Take a close look at this photo. They are all in the bathroom getting dressed...together! It is like a preview into their teenage years, as Ashley put it. It's like a preview into our future Friday nights. Not good.
Hannah is straightening her hair. Cooper is brushing her teeth. Riley is, well, doing something. They are all getting dolled up for church. It won't be so cute in a few years. It will be chaos and fighting. Let me tell you...there will be anger and jealousy friends.
You say, "No, look how adorable they are all getting dressed together in the bathroom. How cute." It is, until I picture the future. Take a look with me...
Hannah will be about eighteen or so and somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5'10" tall. Cooper will be fifteen and, well, not that tall. Riley will be about ten years old and probably about as tall as Hannah. In the same bathroom they will be standing in the same places. Hannah will be straightening her hair in front of the mirror, Cooper will be brushing her teeth, and Riley will be doing...something. The chaos will ensue.
Cooper will complain that Hannah is hogging the mirror. Hannah will gripe that Riley keeps asking for her to straighten her hair, too. Riley will scream when Hannah won't fulfill her wish. Riley will push Hannah causing her to burn her hand with the straightener. Cooper will laugh at Hannah because she thinks it is pay back for hogging the mirror for the last half-hour. Hannah will threaten Cooper with leaving her behind and never driving her anywhere again as long as they live. On a side note, that will pose a problem for Ashley and I since we intend to have Hannah relieve us of our taxi driver duties each Friday night while they are in high school.
What are Ashley and I doing you ask? During all of this I will sit on the couch holding my cup of coffee and stare into the hallway fully expecting a to see a child flung into the air and across the hall. My guess would be Cooper, because hey, she will be the shortest of them all. I will ask Ashley, being female, to help them. Of course by then she will have lost patience for their foolishness and will inform me that, "Those are your children," and I should handle it. I will sit back and let it all happen and continue to sip on my coffee. Should one of them be thrown out, oh well...less damage in the bathroom from the brawl.
Anyway, from the bathroom will come the sounds of our typical Friday nights. Let me continue. Hannah will get mad at Cooper for laughing at her and attempt to push her from the bathroom. Riley will get mad at them both and quickly run and, being the "informer," tell on them for fighting. Cooper will retort with something about reading Hannah's diary and threaten to spill all of her secrets to everyone at school. Hannah will them threaten to tell us about something Cooper said or did at school earlier in the day. It will be an eventful and busy night.
Well, the bathroom battle will eventually end and the girls will leave for their dates. All that is, except for Riley. Yes, Riley will be heartbroken that she is again left behind to spend an exciting evening with her parents playing Scrabble or something. By then I will be old and that is a game for old people isn't it? She will be jealous and begin to ask such silly questions like, "When can I go on a date?" Her father, exhausted from listening to them fight over a spot in front of the mirror, will tell her that she can go on a date after she moves out of the house. Riley will reply by promptly running to her room and pack her suitcase. She will then sit by the door and demand we take her to move in with Lolly and Pops (Ashley's parents). I will be momentarily motivated to get out of my seat and do just that, then decide not to because I don't want to drive that far.
Yes friends, it will be eventful. Actually, it will be funny and stressful all at the same time. Yes they are cute now, and of course they will be in the future. But, I don't think I can take all of the cuteness with them all in the bathroom together. That is trouble.
Hannah is straightening her hair. Cooper is brushing her teeth. Riley is, well, doing something. They are all getting dolled up for church. It won't be so cute in a few years. It will be chaos and fighting. Let me tell you...there will be anger and jealousy friends.
You say, "No, look how adorable they are all getting dressed together in the bathroom. How cute." It is, until I picture the future. Take a look with me...
Hannah will be about eighteen or so and somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5'10" tall. Cooper will be fifteen and, well, not that tall. Riley will be about ten years old and probably about as tall as Hannah. In the same bathroom they will be standing in the same places. Hannah will be straightening her hair in front of the mirror, Cooper will be brushing her teeth, and Riley will be doing...something. The chaos will ensue.
Cooper will complain that Hannah is hogging the mirror. Hannah will gripe that Riley keeps asking for her to straighten her hair, too. Riley will scream when Hannah won't fulfill her wish. Riley will push Hannah causing her to burn her hand with the straightener. Cooper will laugh at Hannah because she thinks it is pay back for hogging the mirror for the last half-hour. Hannah will threaten Cooper with leaving her behind and never driving her anywhere again as long as they live. On a side note, that will pose a problem for Ashley and I since we intend to have Hannah relieve us of our taxi driver duties each Friday night while they are in high school.
What are Ashley and I doing you ask? During all of this I will sit on the couch holding my cup of coffee and stare into the hallway fully expecting a to see a child flung into the air and across the hall. My guess would be Cooper, because hey, she will be the shortest of them all. I will ask Ashley, being female, to help them. Of course by then she will have lost patience for their foolishness and will inform me that, "Those are your children," and I should handle it. I will sit back and let it all happen and continue to sip on my coffee. Should one of them be thrown out, oh well...less damage in the bathroom from the brawl.
Anyway, from the bathroom will come the sounds of our typical Friday nights. Let me continue. Hannah will get mad at Cooper for laughing at her and attempt to push her from the bathroom. Riley will get mad at them both and quickly run and, being the "informer," tell on them for fighting. Cooper will retort with something about reading Hannah's diary and threaten to spill all of her secrets to everyone at school. Hannah will them threaten to tell us about something Cooper said or did at school earlier in the day. It will be an eventful and busy night.
Well, the bathroom battle will eventually end and the girls will leave for their dates. All that is, except for Riley. Yes, Riley will be heartbroken that she is again left behind to spend an exciting evening with her parents playing Scrabble or something. By then I will be old and that is a game for old people isn't it? She will be jealous and begin to ask such silly questions like, "When can I go on a date?" Her father, exhausted from listening to them fight over a spot in front of the mirror, will tell her that she can go on a date after she moves out of the house. Riley will reply by promptly running to her room and pack her suitcase. She will then sit by the door and demand we take her to move in with Lolly and Pops (Ashley's parents). I will be momentarily motivated to get out of my seat and do just that, then decide not to because I don't want to drive that far.
Yes friends, it will be eventful. Actually, it will be funny and stressful all at the same time. Yes they are cute now, and of course they will be in the future. But, I don't think I can take all of the cuteness with them all in the bathroom together. That is trouble.
Monday, July 18, 2011
That is gross...
My daughters have a skewed idea of what is gross. No, not a gross (as in 144 of something), but what grosses them out. I thought I had dainty little princesses that want to have tea parties and sing Disney princess pop songs while playing "dress up daddy". While that is true, I also have girls who want to act like boys. Examples you ask? Read on...
(Disclaimer: although Ashley sort of gave me the idea for this one, she takes no responsibility for the contents and will likely disavow any knowledge of me later). So to Ashley, I sort of used your idea. Then I added a twist.
I am mainly focusing on Hannah and Cooper. Riley is too young to speak, let alone find something gross. This is the same child that will laugh at me while I gag as I change a doo doo diaper. She is clueless about such things.
These two princesses think it to be, and I quote, "grrrrooooosssssssssssssss," when I give my wife a kiss before leaving for work. They find it the height of comedy when one of them has gas. Welcome to my world.
I think I referenced this in an older post. Let me add to that one. My oldest is Hannah. She apparently takes pride in the volume of her burps when she, well, "brings the bass" so to speak. Hannah scared me one night, when out of the silence, came what sounded like a train going by the window of the dining room. The walls moved and the picture shook. I thought I needed to duck for cover because I knew the wall behind me was coming down. I wanted to cry. Hannah and Cooper wanted to fall out of their chairs laughing. They were not laughing at me, but Hannah! How is that not gross? I don't burp at the table and rarely even burp in front of my family. They compete to see who can out burp the other. My princesses.
Then there is Cooper. Yes, she is a burper too. But she also takes pride in another bodily function. Cooper, shall I say, backfires. This is putting it mildly. Cooper thinks the funniest thing on this planet is the sound of her own fart. I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am writing about this stuff either. But this is real friends. I can't make it up.
Anyway, Cooper thinks her flatulence is ridiculously funny. I find it completely disgusting. One day she was playing and backed up to me to, are you ready for this, FART ON ME! Imagine my surprise friends. Picture it. My cute little daughter, who was all of four years old with her curly hair in a bow, thought it funny to walk backwards toward me and do that. I thought she was preparing to sit on my lap and have a minute of cuddle time with daddy, since I was sitting on the floor of the living room. Not quite. No...not even close. And this is the same child that intelligently informs us about every other week that she needs a manicure, and digs in her purse to get her flavored lip gloss and apply it every ten minutes. It is so baffling I have a headache.
Where did I fail? These girls have not been raised by manner-less parents that compete to see how gross we can be. We don't live in a bar where behavior like that is accepted. Yes I want my daughters to be well rounded. I mean by playing sports and such. Not behaving like a drunken frat-daddy at a party. I want them to be able to do a basic repair, not crush a can on their foreheads after chugging the contents.
So, to my daughters let me first say this to you. Yes, I actually wrote this down. Yes, you will hate me for several years for chronicling your exploits. And yes, you will one day laugh at this as I have. Now...It is not gross for me to kiss mommy before I go to work. It is not gross for me to give her a hug. Pay close attention. It is gross to burp the alphabet. It is disgusting to fart in public, and yes Cooper, on other people.
It amazes me that I don't have sons, yet I still have to give such instructions. Never thought it.
(Disclaimer: although Ashley sort of gave me the idea for this one, she takes no responsibility for the contents and will likely disavow any knowledge of me later). So to Ashley, I sort of used your idea. Then I added a twist.
I am mainly focusing on Hannah and Cooper. Riley is too young to speak, let alone find something gross. This is the same child that will laugh at me while I gag as I change a doo doo diaper. She is clueless about such things.
These two princesses think it to be, and I quote, "grrrrooooosssssssssssssss," when I give my wife a kiss before leaving for work. They find it the height of comedy when one of them has gas. Welcome to my world.
I think I referenced this in an older post. Let me add to that one. My oldest is Hannah. She apparently takes pride in the volume of her burps when she, well, "brings the bass" so to speak. Hannah scared me one night, when out of the silence, came what sounded like a train going by the window of the dining room. The walls moved and the picture shook. I thought I needed to duck for cover because I knew the wall behind me was coming down. I wanted to cry. Hannah and Cooper wanted to fall out of their chairs laughing. They were not laughing at me, but Hannah! How is that not gross? I don't burp at the table and rarely even burp in front of my family. They compete to see who can out burp the other. My princesses.
Then there is Cooper. Yes, she is a burper too. But she also takes pride in another bodily function. Cooper, shall I say, backfires. This is putting it mildly. Cooper thinks the funniest thing on this planet is the sound of her own fart. I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am writing about this stuff either. But this is real friends. I can't make it up.
Anyway, Cooper thinks her flatulence is ridiculously funny. I find it completely disgusting. One day she was playing and backed up to me to, are you ready for this, FART ON ME! Imagine my surprise friends. Picture it. My cute little daughter, who was all of four years old with her curly hair in a bow, thought it funny to walk backwards toward me and do that. I thought she was preparing to sit on my lap and have a minute of cuddle time with daddy, since I was sitting on the floor of the living room. Not quite. No...not even close. And this is the same child that intelligently informs us about every other week that she needs a manicure, and digs in her purse to get her flavored lip gloss and apply it every ten minutes. It is so baffling I have a headache.
Where did I fail? These girls have not been raised by manner-less parents that compete to see how gross we can be. We don't live in a bar where behavior like that is accepted. Yes I want my daughters to be well rounded. I mean by playing sports and such. Not behaving like a drunken frat-daddy at a party. I want them to be able to do a basic repair, not crush a can on their foreheads after chugging the contents.
So, to my daughters let me first say this to you. Yes, I actually wrote this down. Yes, you will hate me for several years for chronicling your exploits. And yes, you will one day laugh at this as I have. Now...It is not gross for me to kiss mommy before I go to work. It is not gross for me to give her a hug. Pay close attention. It is gross to burp the alphabet. It is disgusting to fart in public, and yes Cooper, on other people.
It amazes me that I don't have sons, yet I still have to give such instructions. Never thought it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
More things for my daughters...
A few more gems for my children from their father...
11. It is okay to sleep past 5 am. This one is for Riley specifically. My dear, I love you very much but you have to end the mistaken belief that your mother and I need no sleep to function and enjoy waking up prior to sunlight. Yes you are cute and it is funny when you inform us using sign language that you want to eat. But not at 5am. You get a full night sleep each night and it is only fair that you allow your parents, who love you and support you, to do the same.
12. Take up a hobby. I use to have one of those, but someone stole my golf clubs. If I was still a kid there is one thing I would try...mutton busting. From an adult's perspective it is hilarious. I would imagine it would be a combination of exhilaration and terror for the 6 seconds you are attached to the back of that animal. It is true that if I wanted to experience those feelings now I could go to the rodeo and climb on the back of some bull and hope to walk out of the arena on my own power instead of leave in an ambulance. Of course, I would only be on the back of the bull until it left the gate. I am sure your mother has no desire to see me flung into the air by a large animal and tumbling back to the earth. Luckily for all of you, I am older and wiser and have no such desires...well, today anyway.
13. Be nice to your baby sister. Just as you are growing taller and stronger, remember this...Riley will probably outgrow you both. It may seem funny now to tease her with toys and take her stuff. She may be chuckling on the outside but on the inside...she is storing that memory away for a later day of retribution. One day she will be bigger and stronger than you both and you will pay for your teasing and stealing. Remember...daddy warned you.
14. Getting a driver's license is a privilege. Yes when each of you turn 16 you are going to want a driver's license. No we don't have to let you. However, we can be swayed by cash so start saving now. And, when you start dating and bring some thug around remember that there will be no driver's license to be had as long as he is around. What is more important...chasing around little punk boys who don't love you or driving at 16? Think about it...
15. Go to college...and graduate. When your mother and I are old you will need to take care of us. No, that does not mean to put us into a home so stop laughing. You will all need to go to college and graduate so you can all earn a good living to support us later. By the time you graduate college you will each owe us somewhere in the neighborhood of $402,683 for raising you. Hey, the cost of diapers and wipes add up. There will be a time to repay us and we don't take checks. Start choosing your graduate school programs early.
11. It is okay to sleep past 5 am. This one is for Riley specifically. My dear, I love you very much but you have to end the mistaken belief that your mother and I need no sleep to function and enjoy waking up prior to sunlight. Yes you are cute and it is funny when you inform us using sign language that you want to eat. But not at 5am. You get a full night sleep each night and it is only fair that you allow your parents, who love you and support you, to do the same.
12. Take up a hobby. I use to have one of those, but someone stole my golf clubs. If I was still a kid there is one thing I would try...mutton busting. From an adult's perspective it is hilarious. I would imagine it would be a combination of exhilaration and terror for the 6 seconds you are attached to the back of that animal. It is true that if I wanted to experience those feelings now I could go to the rodeo and climb on the back of some bull and hope to walk out of the arena on my own power instead of leave in an ambulance. Of course, I would only be on the back of the bull until it left the gate. I am sure your mother has no desire to see me flung into the air by a large animal and tumbling back to the earth. Luckily for all of you, I am older and wiser and have no such desires...well, today anyway.
13. Be nice to your baby sister. Just as you are growing taller and stronger, remember this...Riley will probably outgrow you both. It may seem funny now to tease her with toys and take her stuff. She may be chuckling on the outside but on the inside...she is storing that memory away for a later day of retribution. One day she will be bigger and stronger than you both and you will pay for your teasing and stealing. Remember...daddy warned you.
14. Getting a driver's license is a privilege. Yes when each of you turn 16 you are going to want a driver's license. No we don't have to let you. However, we can be swayed by cash so start saving now. And, when you start dating and bring some thug around remember that there will be no driver's license to be had as long as he is around. What is more important...chasing around little punk boys who don't love you or driving at 16? Think about it...
15. Go to college...and graduate. When your mother and I are old you will need to take care of us. No, that does not mean to put us into a home so stop laughing. You will all need to go to college and graduate so you can all earn a good living to support us later. By the time you graduate college you will each owe us somewhere in the neighborhood of $402,683 for raising you. Hey, the cost of diapers and wipes add up. There will be a time to repay us and we don't take checks. Start choosing your graduate school programs early.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
A Music Story
"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes." - Bill Cosby
I knew one day it would happen. Having daughters I knew it would be bad, too. I tried to stop it but I was unsuccessful. Well, I have been so far anyway. Over the weekend recently I realized just how bad the differences between my daughters and I were when it comes to our taste in music. Two words...Camp Rock. Enough said.
I love Sirius radio. Not enough to pay for it in my car of course. I don't need it because we have a number of channels on our television satellite at home. Thankfully, the 80's, 90's, and Classic Rock stations are on there. Thankfully, Radio Disney is not.
Sunday was sort of normal, and sort of not. Ashley was out of town due to family issues and I was home...alone...with all three girls. Hannah arrived recently (Thank You, Lord). We got up and went to church and later cleaned house (normal). Again, Ashley was out of town leaving me alone with all of them for four days (not normal).
Anyway, on the way to church I was shuffling music from my iPod. Notice I said MY iPod. This will be significant in a few seconds. After a song I liked ended, a Camp Rock song started. You would have thought that Jonas kid fell from the sky, through the sun roof, and into our car. My once lethargic and disinterested daughters started singing, bouncing in their seats, and screaming for me to turn it up. Riley simply followed Hannah and Cooper and started shrieking. Oh what a difference between "daddy's music," and "our music." Go ahead and make fun of me. I understand. I have an iPod full of Disney pop princess music and Kids Bop. I never thought it would happen.
So there we were driving down 82nd Street. My girls were rocking out to Disney pop music while daddy looked to the driver next to me as if to plead for help because my radio was being hijacked and held captive by little girls. I am pretty sure my ears started bleeding from that noise.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. We are cleaning the house and I have the satellite turned to Sirius "80's on 8." Now, I was born in the 70's. I will spare you the year except to say it was in the early 70's. I remember music from the late 70's and 80's very well. A song comes on and I can tell you the year it was released. Yes, you can be jealous that I possess such useless knowledge.
Anyway, there I am "rocking out" to some 80's rock song while I am folding laundry. My once energetic daughters are now lethargic and disinterested and begging for me to turn it down. Maybe it was because they did not appreciate the "classic" status of the music, or it could have been because they were embarrassed their father was acting like a teenager...while folding their jammies and socks.
Hannah and Cooper are old enough to have their distinct taste in music. If it is that Bieber kid, a Disney artist, or something from the Glee cast...they love it. Their father is more interested in stuff like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Queen, Clapton, BB King, etc, etc. I just hope they don't get to my iPod and erase my stuff and replace it all with that stuff the kids are listening to today. Yes, that made me sound old and grumpy. You listen to Camp Rock over, and over, and over and see how you behave.
I knew one day it would happen. Having daughters I knew it would be bad, too. I tried to stop it but I was unsuccessful. Well, I have been so far anyway. Over the weekend recently I realized just how bad the differences between my daughters and I were when it comes to our taste in music. Two words...Camp Rock. Enough said.
I love Sirius radio. Not enough to pay for it in my car of course. I don't need it because we have a number of channels on our television satellite at home. Thankfully, the 80's, 90's, and Classic Rock stations are on there. Thankfully, Radio Disney is not.
Sunday was sort of normal, and sort of not. Ashley was out of town due to family issues and I was home...alone...with all three girls. Hannah arrived recently (Thank You, Lord). We got up and went to church and later cleaned house (normal). Again, Ashley was out of town leaving me alone with all of them for four days (not normal).
Anyway, on the way to church I was shuffling music from my iPod. Notice I said MY iPod. This will be significant in a few seconds. After a song I liked ended, a Camp Rock song started. You would have thought that Jonas kid fell from the sky, through the sun roof, and into our car. My once lethargic and disinterested daughters started singing, bouncing in their seats, and screaming for me to turn it up. Riley simply followed Hannah and Cooper and started shrieking. Oh what a difference between "daddy's music," and "our music." Go ahead and make fun of me. I understand. I have an iPod full of Disney pop princess music and Kids Bop. I never thought it would happen.
So there we were driving down 82nd Street. My girls were rocking out to Disney pop music while daddy looked to the driver next to me as if to plead for help because my radio was being hijacked and held captive by little girls. I am pretty sure my ears started bleeding from that noise.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. We are cleaning the house and I have the satellite turned to Sirius "80's on 8." Now, I was born in the 70's. I will spare you the year except to say it was in the early 70's. I remember music from the late 70's and 80's very well. A song comes on and I can tell you the year it was released. Yes, you can be jealous that I possess such useless knowledge.
Anyway, there I am "rocking out" to some 80's rock song while I am folding laundry. My once energetic daughters are now lethargic and disinterested and begging for me to turn it down. Maybe it was because they did not appreciate the "classic" status of the music, or it could have been because they were embarrassed their father was acting like a teenager...while folding their jammies and socks.
Hannah and Cooper are old enough to have their distinct taste in music. If it is that Bieber kid, a Disney artist, or something from the Glee cast...they love it. Their father is more interested in stuff like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Queen, Clapton, BB King, etc, etc. I just hope they don't get to my iPod and erase my stuff and replace it all with that stuff the kids are listening to today. Yes, that made me sound old and grumpy. You listen to Camp Rock over, and over, and over and see how you behave.
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