In my line of work I see all types of drivers. There are the paranoid drivers, non-attentive drivers, speeders, and texters, among others. Weather, traffic conditions, and the presence of a marked patrol unit can all affect how a person drives. Here are some driving lessons for my girls. No, they cannot drive yet. Yes, they will one day. Now is as good a time as any to give some words of wisdom.
26. If you are driving down the road and see a police car, do not slam on the brakes. All that will do is make the officer pay more attention to you. If you aren't breaking any traffic laws don't worry about it. Now, if you are driving too fast while talking on the cell phone, applying makeup, eating lunch, and giving the officer the finger...you deserve to get stopped. And, don't call me for help. Take your ticket and say thank you.
27. If you are driving down the road and see the red and blue lights in your mirror because an officer is trying to get you to stop...STOP IMMEDIATELY! If you don't, there will be other officers along shortly and they won't be happy to see you. You all know what I do for a living. You all know what Uncle Jon Jon does, too. By the time you are old enough to drive a car you will have already heard about the pursuits we have had with people who refuse to do that one simple thing. Let me say it again...STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again, don't call me for help until you get to jail. Then, I will consider posting your bail.
28. The driver's seat is not the place to apply makeup. Let me rephrase that. The driver's seat of a moving vehicle is not the place to apply cosmetic products. Also, that little mirror on the visor over your head is not exactly equipped to allow you to adequately see what you are doing. Who knows, you may exit the car looking like Bozo the Clown. Sorry, he was famous when I was young and I watched his television show. If you want to know what he looks like, Google it. Anyway, the fact the car is in motion should be enough of a deterrent to prevent you from doing that. If not, the thought of crashing the car should be. That, and getting to where you are going looking like a clown.
29. Don't eat and drive. Put down the taco and drive the car. Enough said.
30. Forget the phone. If you are driving and the phone rings, do not answer it. If you are cruising and get a text message, do not answer it. If you must accept a call from some boy, all you need do is pull the car over and deal with it. Breaking this rule will result in the loss of the phone. Actually, it could result in you riding a bicycle wherever you go.
Keep these in mind when you turn the key in the ignition. Also, keep this visual...you riding a bicycle everywhere after I take away your keys. And please, do not embarrass your father who loves you by getting arrested. It just isn't polite.
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