Here are several more pieces of advice my children can take, or leave. Hopefully they will pay attention to these before I lose my mind and forget what I intended to tell them. They may appear to be random, but each one is important so pay attention girls.
31. Listen to your mother, too. There are days that I appear to be in charge but lets face it, mommy is in control. Those days I appear to be in charge are the days she lets me be in charge. So listen to mommy, or else. At least that is what she told me to write.
32. Don't wear blue eye shadow. I can find several photographs that can properly illustrate this point very well. I am not a professional stylist, but this one is seemingly a no-brainer. Don't paint on that blue clown makeup all over your eyelids unless you want to look like exactly that...a clown. Here is a hint for all three of you. Guys don't really like that. I'm just sayin'. If you prefer, I can find a picture from the "Drew Carey Show" of the character Mimi. Google it and then tell me I was right. Thank you, and you are welcome.
33. Lock your car and take out your crap. This one seems simple enough, right? It would shock you how many times I tell people that if they want to prevent their cars from being broken into they should remove their personal items such as purses, phones, iPods, money, check books, and, and, and...
What is easier than that? Let me see...lock the doors. How many car burglaries have I worked where there was no forced entry? I have lost count. Lock the doors, and take you crap. Your father is dead right on this one. If you remove temptation from these criminals, you lessen the chance of being a victim. Don't give them anything to steal, and don't make it so easy for them.
34. Here is another driving tip...that turn signal, use it. It is an amazingly simple act that can save you time, injury, and money. First of all, time. If you use your signal indicator when turning, you will not meet police officers like me who will stop you, talk to you, check you for warrants, write a warning, then let you go. Yes I am polite and friendly, but individuals that would do that simple thing would make it to wherever they are going without being delayed by me for them not following the law. Next, there is injury. If you use the signal indicator which tells other motorists that you intend to slow down, and turn, you reduce the chance they will run their cars into yours causing you injury. Lastly, money. Refer to the second reason and this one will make sense, too. No crash means no repairs, no insurance issues, and no money out of pocket. That means you can buy something like shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes, or Starbucks. Better yet, save it for college so you can all move out of this house before I die.
35. When you consume all of something, throw away the container. You haven't learned this one yet, so let me tell you again. Cooper, juice box packages do not go under your bed. Riley, I would just settle for yours getting around the trash can somewhere. Hannah, yours do not go under the couch or between the cushions.
Oh, and bringing them to the kitchen is simply not good enough. That goes for other consumables n a package, too. If you, say, eat the last animal cracker, throw away the box. Don't start a collection of empty boxes, milk jugs, or juice boxes on the kitchen counter. It will only upset your mother and make me crazy. I don't like a dirty kitchen. Your mother does not like clutter. Not throwing away your containers causes both. She will get you. Remember what I said in number 31?
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