Here are several more pieces of advice my children can take, or leave. Hopefully they will pay attention to these before I lose my mind and forget what I intended to tell them. They may appear to be random, but each one is important so pay attention girls.
31. Listen to your mother, too. There are days that I appear to be in charge but lets face it, mommy is in control. Those days I appear to be in charge are the days she lets me be in charge. So listen to mommy, or else. At least that is what she told me to write.
32. Don't wear blue eye shadow. I can find several photographs that can properly illustrate this point very well. I am not a professional stylist, but this one is seemingly a no-brainer. Don't paint on that blue clown makeup all over your eyelids unless you want to look like exactly that...a clown. Here is a hint for all three of you. Guys don't really like that. I'm just sayin'. If you prefer, I can find a picture from the "Drew Carey Show" of the character Mimi. Google it and then tell me I was right. Thank you, and you are welcome.
33. Lock your car and take out your crap. This one seems simple enough, right? It would shock you how many times I tell people that if they want to prevent their cars from being broken into they should remove their personal items such as purses, phones, iPods, money, check books, and, and, and...
What is easier than that? Let me see...lock the doors. How many car burglaries have I worked where there was no forced entry? I have lost count. Lock the doors, and take you crap. Your father is dead right on this one. If you remove temptation from these criminals, you lessen the chance of being a victim. Don't give them anything to steal, and don't make it so easy for them.
34. Here is another driving tip...that turn signal, use it. It is an amazingly simple act that can save you time, injury, and money. First of all, time. If you use your signal indicator when turning, you will not meet police officers like me who will stop you, talk to you, check you for warrants, write a warning, then let you go. Yes I am polite and friendly, but individuals that would do that simple thing would make it to wherever they are going without being delayed by me for them not following the law. Next, there is injury. If you use the signal indicator which tells other motorists that you intend to slow down, and turn, you reduce the chance they will run their cars into yours causing you injury. Lastly, money. Refer to the second reason and this one will make sense, too. No crash means no repairs, no insurance issues, and no money out of pocket. That means you can buy something like shoes, makeup, jewelry, clothes, or Starbucks. Better yet, save it for college so you can all move out of this house before I die.
35. When you consume all of something, throw away the container. You haven't learned this one yet, so let me tell you again. Cooper, juice box packages do not go under your bed. Riley, I would just settle for yours getting around the trash can somewhere. Hannah, yours do not go under the couch or between the cushions.
Oh, and bringing them to the kitchen is simply not good enough. That goes for other consumables n a package, too. If you, say, eat the last animal cracker, throw away the box. Don't start a collection of empty boxes, milk jugs, or juice boxes on the kitchen counter. It will only upset your mother and make me crazy. I don't like a dirty kitchen. Your mother does not like clutter. Not throwing away your containers causes both. She will get you. Remember what I said in number 31?
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
30 Days of Thanks...
I am two weeks behind on doing this so I am gonna catch up on all of them today. Some are more serious, some humorous, but I am thankful for all.
1. My Savior: As an imperfect man I am thankful for the perfect One who is my Savior, and who has forgiven me for everything I have ever done or will ever do. Thank you, Jesus.
2. My wife: Ashley has put up with my imperfections, and faults, and still loves me daily. She is without a doubt the most important person in my life and I am in love with her every day. I don't want to imagine my live without her.
3. My children: Hannah is my first born. Cooper is my comedienne. Riley Grace is my baby. They are independent and each of them has their own personality. They make me laugh, and I know one day will make me cry, but I love each day I have with them.
4. My family: We are a large clan, and some say we all look alike. My sister, brothers, spouses, nieces, and nephews, and parents are all a big part of my life and each of them has taught me something through or lives.
5. My friends: I am thankful for them all. I don't have a lot, but each are important to me. I have a small group of friends that I can count on when needed. I am thankful for them more than they know.
6. My career: Most of us have jobs, and some of us have jobs we love. I can't imagine doing anything else. I work with a great group of officers and love where I am. Catching crooks is a great thing.
7. Starbucks: I said this one last year, and I say it again...Starbucks is like a drug dealer. They peddle the no-foam vanilla latte knowing how addictive it is and knowing I can't afford to support my habit, but they don't care about the cost because they know I will be back. Damn you Starbucks. I'll take a venti white chocolate peppermint mocha.
8. Sports: I loved playing a variety of sports growing up. I love to watch them now. Texas Rangers baseball, San Diego Charger, New Orleans Saints, and Arkansas Razorback football, and come college basketball give me something to yell at, cheer for, and nearly have a heart attack over.
9. Legos: I loved Legos as a kid. Let's face it, I still do. My wife bought me some police Legos a couple of months ago. Of course, I promptly assembled them and then put them back in the box., then put them up. Sometimes I still enjoy acting like a kid, even if it only for a few minutes. Oh, and I put the Legos together in record time. I still got mad skills.
10. Bill Cosby: I still love to watch the "Cosby Show." I have the DVDs for the first three seasons. My favorite stand-up comedy routine is still "Bill Cosby: HImself." When I hijacked this blog thing from my wife I used several of his pearls of wisdom as starter quotes. I love his discussion about the issues related to drinking too much. As I learned in my younger days, every bit of it is true. The outside of the toilet bowl is nice and cool when sitting on the floor and hugging it to hold yourself up.
11. Shutterbugs: Since my wife had a nice camera, or a phone with a camera, she is there to capture all of the funny things my children do. Some of those photos have been the subject of my writings. Case in point...the planking funny from yesterday. Give it a look.
12. My brother Jonathan: Yes, I already talked about the family. But, Jonathan and I do the same job and work the same shift. I can call him to compare notes. I can call him and vent about something that happened on duty. I can also call him to get a funny story. Jonathan is one of the funniest people I know.
13. Birthdays: Although it is true I am getting older, I appreciate that I have had 37 of them. I realized that I have reached the age where my birthdays are only a big deal to my children. They enjoy my birthday because they get cake. I enjoy it because I get, well, cake. This year's cake has been my favorite so far: a Phineas and Ferb cake. Only I, as a grown man, would love getting a cartoon cake for a birthday. Next year...I'm thinking maybe Muppets.
14. My sister Jackie: Her birthday was on the 14th, we look alike, and she is only two years younger than me. That means that now I am not the only one of my siblings that has hit 35. Ha, ha...
15. iPods: I can pick what I want to listen to, when I want to listen to it. I am no longer a slave to the FM stations and their programing choices, nor am I subject to their music playlists. Now I can listen to my music choices and skip over the occasional Disney princess pop music that my daughters have on my iPod.
16. Thankful my wife had a similar taste in movies. Well, not completely, but we both like "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil." We like it so much I am sitting at Starbucks downloading it from iTunes. Yes, I have coffee. I ordered her one, too.
17. Quality time with my girls: The last three nights I have been able to eat dinner with them, get Riley bathed and ready for bed, and enjoy time with my wife. Thankful for the time I had, although I wish Hannah was here, too.
18. Dads: Of course, fathers are wonderful things. I am grateful for my own father, as well as Larry, my father-in-law. Both have taught me a little something by their examples, whether they know it or not, of what it is to be a man. Both of them had birthdays this week. Happy birthday, and I love them both.
19. Daughters: Every man wants to have a son and I was no different when I first became a father. But I have to tell you that there is something about raising daughters that is special. You know, there are the "dress up daddy" days, the fashion shows, and the one time they wanted to paint my fingernails. They are funny, creative, smart, and loving. They like to wrestle, play ball, watch "COPS," and curl up and sit next to daddy. Am I missing out on something by not having a son? Not at all. My daughters are special to me and I would not trade them for anything. Of course, I say that now while there are no boys coming up to the door to take one of them on a date.
20. The little things: I am thankful for the little things in life. There are the hugs from my kids, the smiles from my wife, and the handshakes from those I meet on the job. I like the times where my dog lays at my feet while I drink a cup of coffee on the back porch and work on a crossword puzzle. I enjoy the sound of laughter from my children as they play. Each are seemingly small occurrences that, due to their frequency, can sometimes seem routine, unimportant, or even meaningless. I am fortunate enough to get to experience them all, as well as similar incidents of kindness and affection. Thank you.
21. My $19 coffee pot: When the expensive coffee maker we had died recently (yes I was sad), I had to get an adequate replacement. So, Cooper and I went to eh obvious first place one would think of when selecting a kitchen appliance: Wal-Mart. I looked over the coffee makers, over and over again. Ashley was not there but she could probably tell you, if you asked her, how I shop. I look at something over and over again, then over again. Then I eventually make a decision while she stares at the ceiling wondering why she brought me along in the first place.
Anyway, I went back and forth between the expensive appliances and the cheap ones. I kept going back to the Black and Decker. It was simple, would get the job done, and best of all it was $19. My wife should be thankful I got the black one. I nearly bought the white one that would simply clash with our kitchen decor.
Well, I don't care if it is a cheap piece of plastic, the coffee tastes the same as from the old high-dollar job. And given the time constraints, it had to work. Now I can enjoy my daily coffee again and enjoy the fact that after a week I already got my money's worth.
22. For a friend: As I sit here and type this a good and faithful wife, mother, and a friend to many is suffering from leukemia. To be more specific, she is dying. She is a young professional who I met in a few ways. She is an attorney I routinely worked with, as well as a family member of my best friend. She is a friend to my wife, and our children have spent time playing together at family events. She is truly an inspiring person. We continue to offer prayers for her, and her family during this time. We offer prayers for peace and comfort.
23. My fellow sheepdogs: No matter where you work, the size of the agency, or whether you are an officer, deputy, or trooper...thank you. Our profession is not like any other. Our job is not as easy as some since the rules of the game change seemingly daily. Stay vigilant, and come home safe another day...
24. Common Sense: This is something most everyone has but not everyone utilizes. I am thankful that I have common sense. For example, I know not to try to retort with a wise crack when my wife says something, or asks me something, when she is in a bad mood. That will only start an argument. See, common sense exists in my noggin. Not everyone is so fortunate. To the 5'9" tall, 150 pound drunk guy who looked at the 6'3" tall, 260 pound, sober police officer, and believed you could take him in a fight...that's not using good common sense. To the drunk college kid that decided to drive home after that party, and got caught...as Cooper used to say, "BAD CHOICE." And lastly, to the college kid who thought it would be funny to run from the police when they showed up to the party, just to see if you could get away...I'm guessing it is not that funny now, huh? Yes, I am thankful for common sense.
25. Naps: As a child I didn't like taking a nap. Most other children are that way, including my own. Now however, I want to take naps if I can. As I get older I guess maybe I need one now and again. Pretty soon I will be wearing my eye glasses down onto my nose, walking around wearing pants that are too short because I pulled them over my stomach (and of course white socks and black shoes), and complaining about all of the noise. But that is okay, because I will be well rested.
26. Peace: No, not world peace. I mean the peace only found in Christ. I went to a funeral for a friend and I took comfort in the fact she is at peace following a long and hard fight with cancer and leukemia. Is it sad that she is no longer on this earth? Yes. Am I happy she is at peace, full of joy, and pain-free? Absolutely.
27. The fact my wife is not like those who went nuts on Friday: Yes friends, I love the fact my wife does not want to camp out overnight to be first in line to buy some plastic electronic thing my children will only play with for a month before breaking it, losing it, or using it as a paperweight. I am thankful my wife is not one that would resort to using pepper spray on someone because they cut in line or grabbed something from the shelf that she wanted to buy. No, she is not like those people. She does, however, know it is not the things we buy that are important, but the One that we celebrate during this time of year that is important.
28. My wife: Yes, this one was near the top of the list, but she is worth repeating. We get frustrated with each other, we argue, and heck, we fight. But when the dust settles and the fight is over, we still love each other. There will be disagreements, and will be fights. But no matter what happens everything will be okay.
29. Change: No, I don't mean pocket change. Every once in a while changes come along. Some changes are good, some not so much. But either way I am thankful for the changes coming in our lives.
30. Life: Sometimes it is short, and sometimes hard. At times it is good, and others it is well, not. But no matter what the circumstances I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the life on this earth, and the eternal life that awaits. There are many things I am thankful for including the above mentioned twenty-nine. Most of all, I guess am just simply thankful for my life and all that is in it.
1. My Savior: As an imperfect man I am thankful for the perfect One who is my Savior, and who has forgiven me for everything I have ever done or will ever do. Thank you, Jesus.
2. My wife: Ashley has put up with my imperfections, and faults, and still loves me daily. She is without a doubt the most important person in my life and I am in love with her every day. I don't want to imagine my live without her.
3. My children: Hannah is my first born. Cooper is my comedienne. Riley Grace is my baby. They are independent and each of them has their own personality. They make me laugh, and I know one day will make me cry, but I love each day I have with them.
4. My family: We are a large clan, and some say we all look alike. My sister, brothers, spouses, nieces, and nephews, and parents are all a big part of my life and each of them has taught me something through or lives.
5. My friends: I am thankful for them all. I don't have a lot, but each are important to me. I have a small group of friends that I can count on when needed. I am thankful for them more than they know.
6. My career: Most of us have jobs, and some of us have jobs we love. I can't imagine doing anything else. I work with a great group of officers and love where I am. Catching crooks is a great thing.
7. Starbucks: I said this one last year, and I say it again...Starbucks is like a drug dealer. They peddle the no-foam vanilla latte knowing how addictive it is and knowing I can't afford to support my habit, but they don't care about the cost because they know I will be back. Damn you Starbucks. I'll take a venti white chocolate peppermint mocha.
8. Sports: I loved playing a variety of sports growing up. I love to watch them now. Texas Rangers baseball, San Diego Charger, New Orleans Saints, and Arkansas Razorback football, and come college basketball give me something to yell at, cheer for, and nearly have a heart attack over.
9. Legos: I loved Legos as a kid. Let's face it, I still do. My wife bought me some police Legos a couple of months ago. Of course, I promptly assembled them and then put them back in the box., then put them up. Sometimes I still enjoy acting like a kid, even if it only for a few minutes. Oh, and I put the Legos together in record time. I still got mad skills.
10. Bill Cosby: I still love to watch the "Cosby Show." I have the DVDs for the first three seasons. My favorite stand-up comedy routine is still "Bill Cosby: HImself." When I hijacked this blog thing from my wife I used several of his pearls of wisdom as starter quotes. I love his discussion about the issues related to drinking too much. As I learned in my younger days, every bit of it is true. The outside of the toilet bowl is nice and cool when sitting on the floor and hugging it to hold yourself up.
11. Shutterbugs: Since my wife had a nice camera, or a phone with a camera, she is there to capture all of the funny things my children do. Some of those photos have been the subject of my writings. Case in point...the planking funny from yesterday. Give it a look.
12. My brother Jonathan: Yes, I already talked about the family. But, Jonathan and I do the same job and work the same shift. I can call him to compare notes. I can call him and vent about something that happened on duty. I can also call him to get a funny story. Jonathan is one of the funniest people I know.
13. Birthdays: Although it is true I am getting older, I appreciate that I have had 37 of them. I realized that I have reached the age where my birthdays are only a big deal to my children. They enjoy my birthday because they get cake. I enjoy it because I get, well, cake. This year's cake has been my favorite so far: a Phineas and Ferb cake. Only I, as a grown man, would love getting a cartoon cake for a birthday. Next year...I'm thinking maybe Muppets.
14. My sister Jackie: Her birthday was on the 14th, we look alike, and she is only two years younger than me. That means that now I am not the only one of my siblings that has hit 35. Ha, ha...
15. iPods: I can pick what I want to listen to, when I want to listen to it. I am no longer a slave to the FM stations and their programing choices, nor am I subject to their music playlists. Now I can listen to my music choices and skip over the occasional Disney princess pop music that my daughters have on my iPod.
16. Thankful my wife had a similar taste in movies. Well, not completely, but we both like "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil." We like it so much I am sitting at Starbucks downloading it from iTunes. Yes, I have coffee. I ordered her one, too.
17. Quality time with my girls: The last three nights I have been able to eat dinner with them, get Riley bathed and ready for bed, and enjoy time with my wife. Thankful for the time I had, although I wish Hannah was here, too.
18. Dads: Of course, fathers are wonderful things. I am grateful for my own father, as well as Larry, my father-in-law. Both have taught me a little something by their examples, whether they know it or not, of what it is to be a man. Both of them had birthdays this week. Happy birthday, and I love them both.
19. Daughters: Every man wants to have a son and I was no different when I first became a father. But I have to tell you that there is something about raising daughters that is special. You know, there are the "dress up daddy" days, the fashion shows, and the one time they wanted to paint my fingernails. They are funny, creative, smart, and loving. They like to wrestle, play ball, watch "COPS," and curl up and sit next to daddy. Am I missing out on something by not having a son? Not at all. My daughters are special to me and I would not trade them for anything. Of course, I say that now while there are no boys coming up to the door to take one of them on a date.
20. The little things: I am thankful for the little things in life. There are the hugs from my kids, the smiles from my wife, and the handshakes from those I meet on the job. I like the times where my dog lays at my feet while I drink a cup of coffee on the back porch and work on a crossword puzzle. I enjoy the sound of laughter from my children as they play. Each are seemingly small occurrences that, due to their frequency, can sometimes seem routine, unimportant, or even meaningless. I am fortunate enough to get to experience them all, as well as similar incidents of kindness and affection. Thank you.
21. My $19 coffee pot: When the expensive coffee maker we had died recently (yes I was sad), I had to get an adequate replacement. So, Cooper and I went to eh obvious first place one would think of when selecting a kitchen appliance: Wal-Mart. I looked over the coffee makers, over and over again. Ashley was not there but she could probably tell you, if you asked her, how I shop. I look at something over and over again, then over again. Then I eventually make a decision while she stares at the ceiling wondering why she brought me along in the first place.
Anyway, I went back and forth between the expensive appliances and the cheap ones. I kept going back to the Black and Decker. It was simple, would get the job done, and best of all it was $19. My wife should be thankful I got the black one. I nearly bought the white one that would simply clash with our kitchen decor.
Well, I don't care if it is a cheap piece of plastic, the coffee tastes the same as from the old high-dollar job. And given the time constraints, it had to work. Now I can enjoy my daily coffee again and enjoy the fact that after a week I already got my money's worth.
22. For a friend: As I sit here and type this a good and faithful wife, mother, and a friend to many is suffering from leukemia. To be more specific, she is dying. She is a young professional who I met in a few ways. She is an attorney I routinely worked with, as well as a family member of my best friend. She is a friend to my wife, and our children have spent time playing together at family events. She is truly an inspiring person. We continue to offer prayers for her, and her family during this time. We offer prayers for peace and comfort.
23. My fellow sheepdogs: No matter where you work, the size of the agency, or whether you are an officer, deputy, or trooper...thank you. Our profession is not like any other. Our job is not as easy as some since the rules of the game change seemingly daily. Stay vigilant, and come home safe another day...
24. Common Sense: This is something most everyone has but not everyone utilizes. I am thankful that I have common sense. For example, I know not to try to retort with a wise crack when my wife says something, or asks me something, when she is in a bad mood. That will only start an argument. See, common sense exists in my noggin. Not everyone is so fortunate. To the 5'9" tall, 150 pound drunk guy who looked at the 6'3" tall, 260 pound, sober police officer, and believed you could take him in a fight...that's not using good common sense. To the drunk college kid that decided to drive home after that party, and got caught...as Cooper used to say, "BAD CHOICE." And lastly, to the college kid who thought it would be funny to run from the police when they showed up to the party, just to see if you could get away...I'm guessing it is not that funny now, huh? Yes, I am thankful for common sense.
25. Naps: As a child I didn't like taking a nap. Most other children are that way, including my own. Now however, I want to take naps if I can. As I get older I guess maybe I need one now and again. Pretty soon I will be wearing my eye glasses down onto my nose, walking around wearing pants that are too short because I pulled them over my stomach (and of course white socks and black shoes), and complaining about all of the noise. But that is okay, because I will be well rested.
26. Peace: No, not world peace. I mean the peace only found in Christ. I went to a funeral for a friend and I took comfort in the fact she is at peace following a long and hard fight with cancer and leukemia. Is it sad that she is no longer on this earth? Yes. Am I happy she is at peace, full of joy, and pain-free? Absolutely.
27. The fact my wife is not like those who went nuts on Friday: Yes friends, I love the fact my wife does not want to camp out overnight to be first in line to buy some plastic electronic thing my children will only play with for a month before breaking it, losing it, or using it as a paperweight. I am thankful my wife is not one that would resort to using pepper spray on someone because they cut in line or grabbed something from the shelf that she wanted to buy. No, she is not like those people. She does, however, know it is not the things we buy that are important, but the One that we celebrate during this time of year that is important.
28. My wife: Yes, this one was near the top of the list, but she is worth repeating. We get frustrated with each other, we argue, and heck, we fight. But when the dust settles and the fight is over, we still love each other. There will be disagreements, and will be fights. But no matter what happens everything will be okay.
29. Change: No, I don't mean pocket change. Every once in a while changes come along. Some changes are good, some not so much. But either way I am thankful for the changes coming in our lives.
30. Life: Sometimes it is short, and sometimes hard. At times it is good, and others it is well, not. But no matter what the circumstances I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the life on this earth, and the eternal life that awaits. There are many things I am thankful for including the above mentioned twenty-nine. Most of all, I guess am just simply thankful for my life and all that is in it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
A "planking" funny...
A quick one before I hit the sack.
I remember seeing the whole "planking" thing on the internet. I saw pictures of grown people laying on their faces in the weirdest places for no apparent reason at all except for a photo op. I thought to myself how odd, yet funny it all was. However, I did not ever expect to see any of my children do it. An example with photograph follows.
I was at work last night and received a text message from my loving bride. I was typing away on a report and heard the message tone on my phone. I stopped to check it, opened the message, and saw this:
Yes friends, Riley Grace learned how to go planking yesterday. And of course she picked out the best attire for the rare photographic opportunity. I love the green shirt, the spotted shorts, and especially the sparkling purple shoes. No, I did not dress my child, although if you ask my wife it is something I would likely dress her in because I have a limited fashion sense. In my defense I was not even in the same city when this photo was taken. Riley picked her own socks and shoes for the event. The rest is mommy's fault.
Anyway, after picking myself up off of the floor and getting back the chair I WAS sitting in before I fell out from laughing so hard when I saw the picture, I had to ask myself how she knew what planking was. I mean, will I see her "Tebowing" tomorrow? When I walk into her classroom to pick her up will she be down on one knee with a balled up fist on her forehead as she stares at the ground in front of her while trying to emulate the Broncos quarterback? Let us hope not. If she does, I will take photos.
I remember seeing the whole "planking" thing on the internet. I saw pictures of grown people laying on their faces in the weirdest places for no apparent reason at all except for a photo op. I thought to myself how odd, yet funny it all was. However, I did not ever expect to see any of my children do it. An example with photograph follows.
I was at work last night and received a text message from my loving bride. I was typing away on a report and heard the message tone on my phone. I stopped to check it, opened the message, and saw this:
Yes friends, Riley Grace learned how to go planking yesterday. And of course she picked out the best attire for the rare photographic opportunity. I love the green shirt, the spotted shorts, and especially the sparkling purple shoes. No, I did not dress my child, although if you ask my wife it is something I would likely dress her in because I have a limited fashion sense. In my defense I was not even in the same city when this photo was taken. Riley picked her own socks and shoes for the event. The rest is mommy's fault.
Anyway, after picking myself up off of the floor and getting back the chair I WAS sitting in before I fell out from laughing so hard when I saw the picture, I had to ask myself how she knew what planking was. I mean, will I see her "Tebowing" tomorrow? When I walk into her classroom to pick her up will she be down on one knee with a balled up fist on her forehead as she stares at the ground in front of her while trying to emulate the Broncos quarterback? Let us hope not. If she does, I will take photos.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Riley the Moocher
We have a mooch in the house now. Each child has a job so to speak. Hannah is phasing out of being "The Informer." Cooper is beginning to fill that role nicely, as her favorite words are "Mommy, Riley did (enter the crime here)." Riley is "The Moocher."
Anyway, no food is safe from her and no one is able to eat a meal without interruption. Little grubby hands reach for your plate while you hear the constant "mmmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Every meal is the same. I have an example.
Each and every morning Cooper makes her breakfast, and then she makes something for Riley. It is normally something she can toss in the toaster or microwave. Whether it is a waffle, or a soggy frozen pancake, Cooper makes them both something to eat while Ashley gets dressed for work. Riley eats her food and then sees what Cooper is eating. No matter what it is, and even if they are eating the same thing, Riley must have it. She will drop her own breakfast that her sister lovingly made her and immediately run with her arms extended and fingers wiggling to grab Cooper's food.
All one hears from the bedroom is "Riley eat your own food," or "Riley that's mine." "Mommy." Cooper whines and cries for assistance to fight off her baby sister's attack on her groceries. It is useless and her resistance is futile. But at least they haven't gone to blows over a soggy, cold toaster waffle. That would just be silly.
Cooper is not the only subject of the attack. Mommy and daddy cannot eat without grabby hands. Yesterday morning I took the girls to school. Ashley was already gone to work and I finished getting everyone dressed and ready to go. Cooper had already made Riley's breakfast and I made Cooper's. Both had already eaten. Actually, Cooper nibbled on her food while Riley repeatedly tried to take it. This is of course after already eating all of her own breakfast.
I took a peek to see if it was safe for me to enter the kitchen. I was starving and wanted to eat something quick. I remembered there was a sole banana left on the counter so I made a break for it. I think Riley smelled the banana from across the house because I heard running footsteps headed my direction. As the footsteps get closer I hear "nana, nana, nana, nana, nana..." She knew what I had.
With the attack on my breakfast imminent, I quickly, and feverishly began to eat the banana hoping to keep it all for myself. That sounds bad, but my daughters don't miss any meals. They are healthy. Anyway, Riley rounds the refrigerator and sees what I am eating so I stuff the remaining third of the banana into my mouth and using sign language I tell her it is all gone. She looked heartbroken that her loving daddy did not want to share. Knowing she had already eaten, I felt okay about it and even chuckled a bit.
Riley is at the age apparently that everything should be hers. She has yet to begin taking things by force, but that time is near. In the meantime I suppose Cooper will have to go on fighting her off so she can eat, or start hiding to eat her breakfast in peace. The moocher will always be near by.
Anyway, no food is safe from her and no one is able to eat a meal without interruption. Little grubby hands reach for your plate while you hear the constant "mmmmmmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Every meal is the same. I have an example.
Each and every morning Cooper makes her breakfast, and then she makes something for Riley. It is normally something she can toss in the toaster or microwave. Whether it is a waffle, or a soggy frozen pancake, Cooper makes them both something to eat while Ashley gets dressed for work. Riley eats her food and then sees what Cooper is eating. No matter what it is, and even if they are eating the same thing, Riley must have it. She will drop her own breakfast that her sister lovingly made her and immediately run with her arms extended and fingers wiggling to grab Cooper's food.
All one hears from the bedroom is "Riley eat your own food," or "Riley that's mine." "Mommy." Cooper whines and cries for assistance to fight off her baby sister's attack on her groceries. It is useless and her resistance is futile. But at least they haven't gone to blows over a soggy, cold toaster waffle. That would just be silly.
Cooper is not the only subject of the attack. Mommy and daddy cannot eat without grabby hands. Yesterday morning I took the girls to school. Ashley was already gone to work and I finished getting everyone dressed and ready to go. Cooper had already made Riley's breakfast and I made Cooper's. Both had already eaten. Actually, Cooper nibbled on her food while Riley repeatedly tried to take it. This is of course after already eating all of her own breakfast.
I took a peek to see if it was safe for me to enter the kitchen. I was starving and wanted to eat something quick. I remembered there was a sole banana left on the counter so I made a break for it. I think Riley smelled the banana from across the house because I heard running footsteps headed my direction. As the footsteps get closer I hear "nana, nana, nana, nana, nana..." She knew what I had.
With the attack on my breakfast imminent, I quickly, and feverishly began to eat the banana hoping to keep it all for myself. That sounds bad, but my daughters don't miss any meals. They are healthy. Anyway, Riley rounds the refrigerator and sees what I am eating so I stuff the remaining third of the banana into my mouth and using sign language I tell her it is all gone. She looked heartbroken that her loving daddy did not want to share. Knowing she had already eaten, I felt okay about it and even chuckled a bit.
Riley is at the age apparently that everything should be hers. She has yet to begin taking things by force, but that time is near. In the meantime I suppose Cooper will have to go on fighting her off so she can eat, or start hiding to eat her breakfast in peace. The moocher will always be near by.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Cooper's Public Service Announcement
A short Cooper funny:
Today I stumbled onto some videos on the computer. Apparently Cooper has recently been directing herself in a few music videos and some sort of talk show. Cooper has also made her own PSA. I found one that is short enough to post where Cooper drops some knowledge about Halloween on us. Since I am one of those fathers that enjoys sharing good information, here is an important public service announcement. Watch, learn, enjoy. Here you go.
I know Halloween was over a week ago but this video was too funny not to share. I mean, don't I have a responsibility to help educate other parents about monsters? And, there is that whole "embarrass my child" thing. Hey, it is funny and she will laugh about it later.
Today I stumbled onto some videos on the computer. Apparently Cooper has recently been directing herself in a few music videos and some sort of talk show. Cooper has also made her own PSA. I found one that is short enough to post where Cooper drops some knowledge about Halloween on us. Since I am one of those fathers that enjoys sharing good information, here is an important public service announcement. Watch, learn, enjoy. Here you go.
I know Halloween was over a week ago but this video was too funny not to share. I mean, don't I have a responsibility to help educate other parents about monsters? And, there is that whole "embarrass my child" thing. Hey, it is funny and she will laugh about it later.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
A book?
I am sitting here at 3:41 am, on the couch, in a quiet house. Well, almost quiet because the dryer is tumbling around some clothes. Anyway, I am tired and have no idea what to write about this morning. Maybe I should write about wanting to write a book.
I have been telling myself for years that I wanted to write a book. I know, it will most decidedly not ever be published. My writing is not as polished as those professional bloggers and authors. But, I write what I want and hope it is as funny to everyone else as it is to me. I have been tossing around ideas for what to do. I figured I could put together my stories in a compilation and try to come up with a clever name. I would attempt to come up with one know but I have been up for 22 hours and I can't think that quickly. So if you have any let me know.
My wife tells me I don't have time to take on such a project. I know she is right. However, I don't intend to get it all done by Friday or anything. I only have about 60 stories so far. Most of them cold fit into a book, but I still need more. Then there is one big point: who says someone wants to read all my ramblings anyway? I mean, I'm not a pro at this writing thing. I'm just a daddy.
Well, the main goals for me are to document the lighter side of fatherhood, show that surviving girls can be done, document these memories before I am too old to remember them, and create something to remind them of their childhoods and embarrass them as they get older. If I happen to get them into a book form, even if it is just for the family, that would be okay.
So I sit here thinking about this and in my sleep-deprived brain it sounds like a great idea. After I get some sleep I may reconsider. But then again I may come up with the next great Oprah Book Club title, right?
I have been telling myself for years that I wanted to write a book. I know, it will most decidedly not ever be published. My writing is not as polished as those professional bloggers and authors. But, I write what I want and hope it is as funny to everyone else as it is to me. I have been tossing around ideas for what to do. I figured I could put together my stories in a compilation and try to come up with a clever name. I would attempt to come up with one know but I have been up for 22 hours and I can't think that quickly. So if you have any let me know.
My wife tells me I don't have time to take on such a project. I know she is right. However, I don't intend to get it all done by Friday or anything. I only have about 60 stories so far. Most of them cold fit into a book, but I still need more. Then there is one big point: who says someone wants to read all my ramblings anyway? I mean, I'm not a pro at this writing thing. I'm just a daddy.
Well, the main goals for me are to document the lighter side of fatherhood, show that surviving girls can be done, document these memories before I am too old to remember them, and create something to remind them of their childhoods and embarrass them as they get older. If I happen to get them into a book form, even if it is just for the family, that would be okay.
So I sit here thinking about this and in my sleep-deprived brain it sounds like a great idea. After I get some sleep I may reconsider. But then again I may come up with the next great Oprah Book Club title, right?
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Lessons for driving...my girls should pay attention
In my line of work I see all types of drivers. There are the paranoid drivers, non-attentive drivers, speeders, and texters, among others. Weather, traffic conditions, and the presence of a marked patrol unit can all affect how a person drives. Here are some driving lessons for my girls. No, they cannot drive yet. Yes, they will one day. Now is as good a time as any to give some words of wisdom.
26. If you are driving down the road and see a police car, do not slam on the brakes. All that will do is make the officer pay more attention to you. If you aren't breaking any traffic laws don't worry about it. Now, if you are driving too fast while talking on the cell phone, applying makeup, eating lunch, and giving the officer the finger...you deserve to get stopped. And, don't call me for help. Take your ticket and say thank you.
27. If you are driving down the road and see the red and blue lights in your mirror because an officer is trying to get you to stop...STOP IMMEDIATELY! If you don't, there will be other officers along shortly and they won't be happy to see you. You all know what I do for a living. You all know what Uncle Jon Jon does, too. By the time you are old enough to drive a car you will have already heard about the pursuits we have had with people who refuse to do that one simple thing. Let me say it again...STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again, don't call me for help until you get to jail. Then, I will consider posting your bail.
28. The driver's seat is not the place to apply makeup. Let me rephrase that. The driver's seat of a moving vehicle is not the place to apply cosmetic products. Also, that little mirror on the visor over your head is not exactly equipped to allow you to adequately see what you are doing. Who knows, you may exit the car looking like Bozo the Clown. Sorry, he was famous when I was young and I watched his television show. If you want to know what he looks like, Google it. Anyway, the fact the car is in motion should be enough of a deterrent to prevent you from doing that. If not, the thought of crashing the car should be. That, and getting to where you are going looking like a clown.
29. Don't eat and drive. Put down the taco and drive the car. Enough said.
30. Forget the phone. If you are driving and the phone rings, do not answer it. If you are cruising and get a text message, do not answer it. If you must accept a call from some boy, all you need do is pull the car over and deal with it. Breaking this rule will result in the loss of the phone. Actually, it could result in you riding a bicycle wherever you go.
Keep these in mind when you turn the key in the ignition. Also, keep this visual...you riding a bicycle everywhere after I take away your keys. And please, do not embarrass your father who loves you by getting arrested. It just isn't polite.
26. If you are driving down the road and see a police car, do not slam on the brakes. All that will do is make the officer pay more attention to you. If you aren't breaking any traffic laws don't worry about it. Now, if you are driving too fast while talking on the cell phone, applying makeup, eating lunch, and giving the officer the finger...you deserve to get stopped. And, don't call me for help. Take your ticket and say thank you.
27. If you are driving down the road and see the red and blue lights in your mirror because an officer is trying to get you to stop...STOP IMMEDIATELY! If you don't, there will be other officers along shortly and they won't be happy to see you. You all know what I do for a living. You all know what Uncle Jon Jon does, too. By the time you are old enough to drive a car you will have already heard about the pursuits we have had with people who refuse to do that one simple thing. Let me say it again...STOP IMMEDIATELY. Again, don't call me for help until you get to jail. Then, I will consider posting your bail.
28. The driver's seat is not the place to apply makeup. Let me rephrase that. The driver's seat of a moving vehicle is not the place to apply cosmetic products. Also, that little mirror on the visor over your head is not exactly equipped to allow you to adequately see what you are doing. Who knows, you may exit the car looking like Bozo the Clown. Sorry, he was famous when I was young and I watched his television show. If you want to know what he looks like, Google it. Anyway, the fact the car is in motion should be enough of a deterrent to prevent you from doing that. If not, the thought of crashing the car should be. That, and getting to where you are going looking like a clown.
29. Don't eat and drive. Put down the taco and drive the car. Enough said.
30. Forget the phone. If you are driving and the phone rings, do not answer it. If you are cruising and get a text message, do not answer it. If you must accept a call from some boy, all you need do is pull the car over and deal with it. Breaking this rule will result in the loss of the phone. Actually, it could result in you riding a bicycle wherever you go.
Keep these in mind when you turn the key in the ignition. Also, keep this visual...you riding a bicycle everywhere after I take away your keys. And please, do not embarrass your father who loves you by getting arrested. It just isn't polite.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
No...
As Riley gets older her vocabulary continues to expand seemingly exponentially each day. Something that was baby babble yesterday becomes a clearly spoken word today. I love that she is learning new things. The sound of Riley saying "Daddy" is wonderful and I don't tire of hearing it. Of course, she doesn't string the words together like, "daddydaddydaddydaddydaddydaddy," and so on. No, she wants something and calls me. She doesn't chant it or scream. It sounds great every time.
But there is one word that crawls all over me when it is spoken by children to their parents. She has learned it and speaks it clearly and directly. Parents say it together..."NO." That's right, she has learned to not only speak the word "NO," but knows when to use it. It matters not to her who she says it to, but she seems to enjoy saying it. And, Riley is an equal opportunity refuser. She tells me, her mother, and Cooper. Of course, she yells at Cooper usually because she does not like something Cooper said or did. Anyway I have an example. Away we go.
Last evening before getting ready for work I intended to give Riley her bath and get her into her jammies. It is usually something I do on my nights off, but I had a little extra time before I had to get ready for work. So, she got an early bath. Riley was sitting on Ashley's lap in the living room when the following verbal exchange took place between us:
Daddy: Riley, want to take a bath?
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, bath time.
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace...
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, go to the bathroom
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace, go to the bathroom.
Riley: (shrugs shoulders) Ok.
And so went my night. Were it not so funny I would have gotten upset. There was my cute little darling sitting on mommy's lap and sternly refusing to comply with her father's demand that she take a bath. She finally got into the tub and bath time went as normal. Then she had to get out of the tub. Normally she doesn't put up a big fight. But tonight, armed with her new word, we repeated a similar exchange when I instructed her to get out of the tub. I told her it was time to get out and she refused. I let the water down the drain and she stood her ground. She started to get cold after the water ran out and she finally acquiesced.
It is nice that I can easily overcome her repeated use of that word. With her size, I can simply pick her up when I tell her to come to where I am and she responds in the negative. For those keeping score, that is Daddy 2, Riley 0. I know the victories will be short-lived, but let me bask in them for one night.
But there is one word that crawls all over me when it is spoken by children to their parents. She has learned it and speaks it clearly and directly. Parents say it together..."NO." That's right, she has learned to not only speak the word "NO," but knows when to use it. It matters not to her who she says it to, but she seems to enjoy saying it. And, Riley is an equal opportunity refuser. She tells me, her mother, and Cooper. Of course, she yells at Cooper usually because she does not like something Cooper said or did. Anyway I have an example. Away we go.
Last evening before getting ready for work I intended to give Riley her bath and get her into her jammies. It is usually something I do on my nights off, but I had a little extra time before I had to get ready for work. So, she got an early bath. Riley was sitting on Ashley's lap in the living room when the following verbal exchange took place between us:
Daddy: Riley, want to take a bath?
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, bath time.
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace...
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley, go to the bathroom
Riley: NO.
Daddy: Riley Grace, go to the bathroom.
Riley: (shrugs shoulders) Ok.
And so went my night. Were it not so funny I would have gotten upset. There was my cute little darling sitting on mommy's lap and sternly refusing to comply with her father's demand that she take a bath. She finally got into the tub and bath time went as normal. Then she had to get out of the tub. Normally she doesn't put up a big fight. But tonight, armed with her new word, we repeated a similar exchange when I instructed her to get out of the tub. I told her it was time to get out and she refused. I let the water down the drain and she stood her ground. She started to get cold after the water ran out and she finally acquiesced.
It is nice that I can easily overcome her repeated use of that word. With her size, I can simply pick her up when I tell her to come to where I am and she responds in the negative. For those keeping score, that is Daddy 2, Riley 0. I know the victories will be short-lived, but let me bask in them for one night.
Friday, November 4, 2011
That's my girl...
I have another Cooper funny that was relayed to me from Ashley.
The other day Ashley and Cooper were driving into Lubbock from Wolfforth on 82nd Street. Right at the city limit going into Lubbock there was a vehicle crash with several Lubbock PD officers and a Lubbock County deputy. Cooper looks at the crashed cars, the officers, and informs Ashley that I should have been there. After being asked why Cooper continued to explain and informed her mother that, are you ready for this, there were drugs in the tires.
Okay, several things here. First, Cooper is still a professional at throwing out random statements like that. Second, Cooper has been in the car with me when I talked about certain cars I saw traveling along the highway that I though would be good mule cars for moving dope. I think she was actually paying attention to a conversation that I was not even having with her. That is proof that she can hear and is capable of paying attention, and that her hearing issue is simply selective hearing.
Also, apparently Cooper has seen several episodes of "Border Wars" because she specifically said there were drugs in the tires. Thanks to a couple of hours of reality television and her listening to a few conversations about smugglers, I am happy to announce Cooper is now a dope hauling expert and is available for a consultation for a nominal fee. So if you require advice on possible hiding places smugglers use to transport and distribute controlled substances, and would like to catch and arrest said smugglers, give her a call. Yes folks, I am so proud. Wait while I wipe away the tear.
The other day Ashley and Cooper were driving into Lubbock from Wolfforth on 82nd Street. Right at the city limit going into Lubbock there was a vehicle crash with several Lubbock PD officers and a Lubbock County deputy. Cooper looks at the crashed cars, the officers, and informs Ashley that I should have been there. After being asked why Cooper continued to explain and informed her mother that, are you ready for this, there were drugs in the tires.
Okay, several things here. First, Cooper is still a professional at throwing out random statements like that. Second, Cooper has been in the car with me when I talked about certain cars I saw traveling along the highway that I though would be good mule cars for moving dope. I think she was actually paying attention to a conversation that I was not even having with her. That is proof that she can hear and is capable of paying attention, and that her hearing issue is simply selective hearing.
Also, apparently Cooper has seen several episodes of "Border Wars" because she specifically said there were drugs in the tires. Thanks to a couple of hours of reality television and her listening to a few conversations about smugglers, I am happy to announce Cooper is now a dope hauling expert and is available for a consultation for a nominal fee. So if you require advice on possible hiding places smugglers use to transport and distribute controlled substances, and would like to catch and arrest said smugglers, give her a call. Yes folks, I am so proud. Wait while I wipe away the tear.
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