That is gross...

My daughters have a skewed idea of what is gross.  No, not a gross (as in 144 of something), but what grosses them out.  I thought I had dainty little princesses that want to have tea parties and sing Disney princess pop songs while playing "dress up daddy".  While that is true, I also have girls who want to act like boys.  Examples you ask?  Read on...

(Disclaimer:  although Ashley sort of gave me the idea for this one, she takes no responsibility for the contents and will likely disavow any knowledge of me later).  So to Ashley, I sort of used your idea.  Then I added a twist.

I am mainly focusing on Hannah and Cooper.  Riley is too young to speak, let alone find something gross.  This is the same child that will laugh at me while I gag as I change a doo doo diaper.  She is clueless about such things. 

These two princesses think it to be, and I quote, "grrrrooooosssssssssssssss," when I give my wife a kiss before leaving for work.  They find it the height of comedy when one of them has gas.  Welcome to my world.

I think I referenced this in an older post.  Let me add to that one.  My oldest is Hannah.  She apparently takes pride in the volume of her burps when she, well, "brings the bass" so to speak.  Hannah scared me one night, when out of the silence, came what sounded like a train going by the window of the dining room.  The walls moved and the picture shook.  I thought I needed to duck for cover because I knew the wall behind me was coming down.  I wanted to cry.  Hannah and Cooper wanted to fall out of their chairs laughing.  They were not laughing at me, but Hannah!  How is that not gross?  I don't burp at the table and rarely even burp in front of my family.  They compete to see who can out burp the other.  My princesses.

Then there is Cooper.  Yes, she is a burper too.  But she also takes pride in another bodily function.  Cooper, shall I say, backfires.  This is putting it mildly.  Cooper thinks the funniest thing on this planet is the sound of her own fart.  I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am writing about this stuff either.  But this is real friends.  I can't make it up.

Anyway, Cooper thinks her flatulence is ridiculously funny.  I find it completely disgusting.  One day she was playing and backed up to me to, are you ready for this, FART ON ME!  Imagine my surprise friends.  Picture it.  My cute little daughter, who was all of four years old with her curly hair in a bow, thought it funny to walk backwards toward me and do that.  I thought she was preparing to sit on my lap and have a minute of cuddle time with daddy, since I was sitting on the floor of the living room.  Not quite.  No...not even close.  And this is the same child that intelligently informs us about every other week that she needs a manicure, and digs in her purse to get her flavored lip gloss and apply it every ten minutes.  It is so baffling I have a headache.

Where did I fail?  These girls have not been raised by manner-less parents that compete to see how gross we can be.  We don't live in a bar where behavior like that is accepted.  Yes I want my daughters to be well rounded.  I mean by playing sports and such.  Not behaving like a drunken frat-daddy at a party.  I want them to be able to do a basic repair, not crush a can on their foreheads after chugging the contents.

So, to my daughters let me first say this to you.  Yes, I actually wrote this down.  Yes, you will hate me for several years for chronicling your exploits.  And yes, you will one day laugh at this as I have.  Now...It is not gross for me to kiss mommy before I go to work.  It is not gross for me to give her a hug.  Pay close attention.  It is gross to burp the alphabet.  It is disgusting to fart in public, and yes Cooper, on other people. 

It amazes me that I don't have sons, yet I still have to give such instructions.  Never thought it.