I don't know!

No quote today, I'm just going to jump right into this one...

Parents will relate a lot to this.  All you non-parentals, don't forget that I warned you.  Your time will come.
Recently I was cleaning the kitchen.  Don't be surprised, I clean it all the time.  I even cook.  Sorry, I'm happily married.  Anyway, I was cleaning the kitchen and Cooper was playing at the table.  She was drawing, or writing, or something.  The kitchen table where she was seated was less than 9 feet from where I was standing at the sink.  I am in the same room with her as she inscribes her creative writing masterpiece using a "Sharpie" marker and a pink "Post-It" note.  I complete my domestic chore and walk into the living room to sit down on the couch to watch an episode of a popular cop show that will remain nameless, but is filmed on location with the men and women of law enforcement.  Incidentally, all suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law.  Hey, if you figured it out, I was only watching it for training to remind me of what not to do on a call.  Don't hate on me.   

So I am about to attempt to begin sitting comfortably and I hear, "Raaaayyyyyy, I'm thirsty."  My back side was not even on the seat good and I was being summoned back to the kitchen.  Ever seen someone start the motion of sitting down and immediately try to get back up?  You know how ridiculous it looks when his arms start flapping to maintain balance?  Well, that was me.  Luckily no one else was in the room to make fun of how ridiculous I looked.  Here is what I want to know.  Why did she not ask me at any time during the 15 minutes I was standing a stones throw away from her?  Oh wait, because she wasn't thirsty then, perhaps?   Here is what Ashley would have said, "Really?"  I was a bit more, well, vocal.

I ask Cooper as calmly as I possibly can, "Why did you not ask me while I was standing right there?" (as I point to the sink).  Her response is so common I bet you all know what it is.  Ready - all together - "I   DON'T   KNOW?"  Those are the three most frustrating words a parent will hear, well, at least until the teenage years I bet.  Why so frustrating?  Because they are a response to everything.  Why did you do that?  I don't know.  Where is your backpack? I don't know.  How did my keys get stuck on the ceiling fan?  I don't know.

Bill Cosby discussed the phenomenon revolving around the phrase, "I don't know."  If memory serves me, he called it brain damage.  Basically he said that if a child does something he knows not to do, then when asked why he did it responds by saying "I don't know," that is the brain damage.  Now, in that example, Cooper did nothing wrong.  That was just the lead in to the aforementioned phrase.

Here is an example from Hannah.  She was about 3 years old at the time.  I was working late and came home at around midnight.  I was exhausted and ready to crawl into bed for a few hours of sleep.  I walked in the door and into the living room.  Now everyone in the house is asleep, or so I think.  The house is dark and quiet.  I walk into the living room and around the corner into the kitchen.  Mid-stride I stopped dead and turned around.  My laptop was laying on the kitchen table.  In the darkness I could see a mound of white substance on top of the computer.  No, not illegal narcotics.  Yes, baby powder.

That's right.  Hannah had gotten a jar of baby powder and attempted to create her masterpiece on top of my laptop.  As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see more white.  I see white footprints on the carpet that trail from the kitchen table to the television, to the bedroom, to the bathroom, to the master bedroom.  I see little white powder hand prints on the television screen.  Picture it, a trail of white powder footprints and hand prints that circled the inside of the house.  It was everywhere.

Then I see her.  Hannah is looking so cute in her footed pajamas, except she is covered in powder.  She is standing at the other end of the hall from me and we look like we are about to square off or something.  I ask the seemingly obvious question, "What happened, Hannah?"  Her response, "I DON'T KNOW?"  I say, did you do this?  She answers with a nod.  I ask why.  She says, "I DON'T KNOW?"  Utterly frustrating.  But looking back on it, it was a comical scene.  Partially because the hand prints were obviously hers, but some of them were too high for her to place them while standing on the ground.  I remember looking confused as to how some of them got as high on the walls as they did.

Cooper and Hannah use that phrase all of the time.  Riley will likely be a master at it.  My wife wonder's why I look confused all of the time.  No one else knows anything, so, how can I?  I ask her to join me in my state of confusion, but she never wants to.