"All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."
English philosopher Edmund Burke
I have been trying for over an hour to think of something funny to write about. Tonight, I just don't have it. I got nothing. I have been typing and erasing for most of that time, because as an officer I cannot always say exactly what I want. It is frustrating at times.
I came across something tonight that I have forgotten about. I stumbled on a website that has poems dedicated to fallen officers, being a police officer/deputy/trooper, and to the job. Some of them reminded me of officers and friends we have lost, and others reminded me what it is to do the job I love. That means the good and the bad of it all. Here is where I edited a lot.
This job is not what people think it is. And I think that the general public really does not want to know although they ask. Sure, I have been asked about the scariest, most violent, or worst calls I have been on. And yes, I have been to some funny calls, but people want to know about the bad stuff. To those of you who have asked me, or will ask me...I am sorry. There are just some things that you don't want, or need to know. There are things I don't want to discuss with anyone, especially a stranger or someone I don't know that well.
And let's face it...you probably don't really want to know anyway. And after I tell you, it's too late. Think of it as me protecting you. I am keeping you from having the nightmares we have had. I am keeping you from becoming as pessimistic as we can become.
I can put up with the donut jokes, the name-calling, and the ridicule. I can overlook the profanities I have been called for writing a ticket. I can't forget what I see, nor can any other officer. Our profession has some of the highest rates of suicide, divorce, depression, and alcoholism. Does anyone every stop any wonder why, or care why we are the way we are?
We are a unique bunch of people. We get put down by the very same people who later call us for help (I say that from experience). Why? Why do this job knowing that I could not come home one night? Why subject myself, and my family, to such a prospect? Why put myself through the things I see and experience?
I am not a very social person anymore. What I mean is, I don't make a lot of friends. I have a close circle of trusted friends that I would not trade for anything. I have a loving and supportive wife who has only known me as an officer, and yet, she married me anyway. She is more social than I am, and I am sure that makes her crazy when I don't always have as good of a time as she does at parties with people I do not know. I scan the room looking for the bad things, or people. People find out what I do for a living and want to share a bad cop story or a bad experience they had and ask me why they were treated the way they were. I don't really want to discuss the cop who wrote you a ticket for speeding. I don't want to speculate why he did not take a report for what you called him for. Again, I am sure all of it frustrates her, but can she blame me? I don't want to discuss my day sometimes, with anyone. I don't want to tell her everything because I want her to sleep nights, even on nights like this where I can't sleep. I don't want her to become as non-social as I am.
But why do this? Why be one of those guys in blue? For me, it is simple. I believe in something. I believe that evil has to be dealt with. I believe those who commit a crime against another need to face the repercussions of their actions. I believe in helping those who cannot always help themselves. I believe in doing the right thing. I believe good men are needed to stand in those roles. I believe us to be good men. We are not perfect men, but good men.
Like any other profession, we have bad days. We may not smile. We may not wave. We may not want to engage in conversation. We may want to just simply sit alone and eat our meal, undisturbed for a few minutes while we contemplate the events of our day to that point. Don't take it personally, we don't.
Some will read this and have smart ass remarks. Some will think of an officer they know and give a kind word. I am not trying to provoke a reaction, but simply writing for myself. It's sort of therapeutic I think. At least it has been thus far.
Now, off to try to sleep before an early day, and the start of my week.
You may wake up one day and realize that you do not like the person you are becoming. Socially isolated with just a small circle of "cop friends", cynical, always seeing the bad side, because every day we deal with everybody Else's problems, leaving no energy or desire to deal with our own. Our co-workers become our only social contacts because we know we can trust them (until we have to arrest one of them) because,after all, they know what it's like. That doesn't necessarily hold true to our wives, but she will go there with you because she loves you.
ReplyDeletePrepare for that day when you, and your family, need a break from the mud, the blood and the beer. Prepare for that day when you realize you have been on duty dealing with family violence and intoxicated brawls every Christmas eve since your children were born. Prepare for that day when your wife wonders aloud why you never get invited to some of the social functions her co-workers talk about. Prepare by developing your options through education and training which will expand your opportunities. There are many ways to serve. Some will open up new career opportunities within the criminal justice field. Others may provide insight and education into other areas, giving you a fresh perspective. I believe there comes that time for most of us. If we deal with these issues successfully we decrease the probability of becoming a statistic of alcoholism, divorce, suicide or any of the other maladies that are common to our profession. Be intentional about maintaining your ability to continue to serve in the field you were called into. There are many areas that need good men and women who have street experience but are at a time in their lives when they need something different, something "normal". Prepare for it, recognize it and act on it. You will like who you are, again. I promise.