Hannah and Cooper are of the age to be a big help to us around the house. Well, sometimes. They are able to clean the living room, fold a little laundry, and scrub the floors with a toothbrush on their hands and knees. Okay, so that one is an exaggeration. But you get the point. We assumed that they could help with Riley. Specifically we thought they could assist us by changing an occasional diaper. Yes, the following happened yesterday morning after I got home and was going to bed.
Ashley asked Cooper and Hannah to help. She requested Cooper aid with the morning task of changing Riley's diaper and getting her dressed. Cooper willingly, and at least initially, cheerfully agreed and walked Riley to her room. The following is my recollection of the conversation as it happened between Cooper and Hannah...
Cooper: "Hannah, we need to change Riley's diaper."
Hannah: "Check and see if is a poo diaper."
Coooper: "No, you check."
Hannah: "No, you check it."
So you get where this is going. No one wanted to check the diaper on the off chance is was a doo-doo diaper. And, assuming it was, no one was going to change it. So, mommy steps in and says, "Just change it, it is a pee diaper. She won't poo until after you change it." I know...great conversations are going on in our house. Luckily Riley is predictable in the early morning.
Anyway, neither of them wanted to change it but Cooper finally relented and took on the task. So Cooper walks back into our bedroom with Riley in tow. She is holding two wet wipes and a diaper, but no change of clothing. I assume she was just going to let Riley streak around the house in only a diaper.
Cooper argues with Riley in a failed attempt to convince her to lie down on the floor. Cooper fails to recognize that Riley cannot speak or comprehend beyond the words "momma, dada, food, milk, and eat." Even then, she can only say momma and dada. The words, "lie down so I can change your wet diaper and change your clothing" is not yet understandable to her. But, Riley finally loses the confused look on her face and sits down. Cooper forcibly lies her back to begin the task of Operation Clean Diaper.
I hear what is going on, and I roll over and peek over the side of the bed to watch the sure disaster that is about to take place. Cooper pulls off Riley's pajama bottoms rather easily, then begins to deconstruct the diaper. It is somewhat dark in the room because it is only illuminated by the bathroom light, where Ashley is getting ready for work. Cooper searches for, and finally finds, the tabs holding the diaper on and yanks them off along with the diaper from under Riley's bottom. She rolls it up and attempts to tape it back together. This takes some time, so Riley lays on the floor exposed to the world for a dangerously long amount of time. Ashley realizes this and instructs Cooper to "put the diaper on so she doesn't pee on the carpet."
Cooper unfolds the diaper and begins to put it on without wiping Riley's wet bottom to clean it up. Fortunately Riley did not pee on the carpet. She folds Riley in half. I do mean in half, because she pushed Riley's feet behind her ears. She begins to put the diaper under Riley, except she puts in under her backwards. Ashley arrives to assist and continues to aid Cooper to apply the diaper...backwards. I laugh. Cooper is confused. Ashley figures it out and stares it me. She flips it around and in record time completes the change. Mommy to the rescue. Daddy laughs and rolls over.
I realized several things. Cooper can't change a diaper. Neither Cooper, nor Hannah, will change a doo-doo diaper. Daddy will not help, but laugh.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Yes, time for more lessons for my girls...
I always tell humorous stories about the girls so I guess it is time again to tell on myself, while providing some lessons for my lovely princesses. So here we go...
16. Your father looks funny when he runs, and so will you one day. I am tall and getting older. When I was young I had a good, long running stride. I wasn't fast of course, but I looked good when I ran. Not too long ago I actually saw myself run. Actually, I experienced seeing my shadow in front of me as a chased a fleeing suspect. It was not pretty. It looked awkward and felt strange. My legs wouldn't do what I wanted so I felt myself off balance and my arms were flailing. I looked like a toddler learning to walk. When did I get too old to look cool and run at the same time? I may never know. I just know that I look ridiculous. But, I know you too will one day look like me when you run. Your arms will flail around and your legs won't work like you want them too. I warned you.
17. Your father does not fear much, but he is afraid of snakes...and sometimes mom. I have one of those jobs that does not allow me to show fear. I talk to bad guys all of the time. Having said that, I am afraid of snakes. They are slimy with little beady black eyes, and have that weird looking tongue. They just creep me out. You want to see me run (remember how I said I look running) and scream like a little girl? Throw a snake at my feet. Want to see me do the same thing and cry? Put one on me. Not good.
Then there is mommy. You all know what I am talking about because she has gotten mad at you, too. A word of advice...do as your mother says, or we are gonna get it. Oh yeah, don't tell her I said that. Actually don't tell anyone so I can let them think I am in charge at home, even though mommy is the boss.
18. Your father has no rhythm, and therefore cannot dance. Yep, it is true. Watching me dance is both comical and painful all at the same time. Ever seen anyone BEG a person to stop dancing? I have. Yep, I mean me. Prior to seeing me dance no one knew just how little rhythm a person could have. I have none. Nada. Now, they know it is possible to have completely none at all. Kids made fun of me dancing at a wedding one time. That's right...kids! Of course, I was dancing to "Shout" and all I had to do was jump up and down. It didn't even require rhythm, just for me to jump up and down. I was embarrassed. I had no idea how bad it was. Hopefully you get your mother's rhythm. She can dance...I cannot. So when you get married and there is that father-daughter dance thing, expect me to completely embarrass you. Get ready for it. Or the other option is to teach me to dance. Again, I warned you.
19. Your father dislikes being sick. This is actually to prepare you for when you gt married. Men are babies when they get sick. That is not an exaggeration. Ask your mother. She will readily tell you about a time when I was sick and laying on the bathroom floor just because the cold tile felt good on my face. She will tell you I whined because I had body aches. I complained because I was thirsty. I griped about having to take go to the doctor and take medicine. I wasn't even offended when she called me a little girl because I knew she was right. Your future husbands will be the same way. Just wait.
20. Your father is smart, but does not know everything. I know, I know. I will give you a minute to recover from the shock. You thought I was a genius and knew everything. Sorry to burst you image of me. But, on the up side I know a lot of cool stuff. Most of it is useless trivia, but cool nonetheless. For example...your foot is as long as your forearm measured from your wrist to your elbow. Try it, you know you want to.
I don't know a lot, too. I don't know what type of cow produces the best milk. I have no clue why Canadian Geese opt to stop in Lubbock for extended periods of time and make so much noise. I am completely ignorant as to how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Sorry, that is the truth.
Well, take comfort my dears that you are like me in many ways and at least one of these things will apply to you at some point in your life. Personally I hope you dance better than me so you can all be spared the embarrassment I suffered. Of course, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you but, you never know.
16. Your father looks funny when he runs, and so will you one day. I am tall and getting older. When I was young I had a good, long running stride. I wasn't fast of course, but I looked good when I ran. Not too long ago I actually saw myself run. Actually, I experienced seeing my shadow in front of me as a chased a fleeing suspect. It was not pretty. It looked awkward and felt strange. My legs wouldn't do what I wanted so I felt myself off balance and my arms were flailing. I looked like a toddler learning to walk. When did I get too old to look cool and run at the same time? I may never know. I just know that I look ridiculous. But, I know you too will one day look like me when you run. Your arms will flail around and your legs won't work like you want them too. I warned you.
17. Your father does not fear much, but he is afraid of snakes...and sometimes mom. I have one of those jobs that does not allow me to show fear. I talk to bad guys all of the time. Having said that, I am afraid of snakes. They are slimy with little beady black eyes, and have that weird looking tongue. They just creep me out. You want to see me run (remember how I said I look running) and scream like a little girl? Throw a snake at my feet. Want to see me do the same thing and cry? Put one on me. Not good.
Then there is mommy. You all know what I am talking about because she has gotten mad at you, too. A word of advice...do as your mother says, or we are gonna get it. Oh yeah, don't tell her I said that. Actually don't tell anyone so I can let them think I am in charge at home, even though mommy is the boss.
18. Your father has no rhythm, and therefore cannot dance. Yep, it is true. Watching me dance is both comical and painful all at the same time. Ever seen anyone BEG a person to stop dancing? I have. Yep, I mean me. Prior to seeing me dance no one knew just how little rhythm a person could have. I have none. Nada. Now, they know it is possible to have completely none at all. Kids made fun of me dancing at a wedding one time. That's right...kids! Of course, I was dancing to "Shout" and all I had to do was jump up and down. It didn't even require rhythm, just for me to jump up and down. I was embarrassed. I had no idea how bad it was. Hopefully you get your mother's rhythm. She can dance...I cannot. So when you get married and there is that father-daughter dance thing, expect me to completely embarrass you. Get ready for it. Or the other option is to teach me to dance. Again, I warned you.
19. Your father dislikes being sick. This is actually to prepare you for when you gt married. Men are babies when they get sick. That is not an exaggeration. Ask your mother. She will readily tell you about a time when I was sick and laying on the bathroom floor just because the cold tile felt good on my face. She will tell you I whined because I had body aches. I complained because I was thirsty. I griped about having to take go to the doctor and take medicine. I wasn't even offended when she called me a little girl because I knew she was right. Your future husbands will be the same way. Just wait.
20. Your father is smart, but does not know everything. I know, I know. I will give you a minute to recover from the shock. You thought I was a genius and knew everything. Sorry to burst you image of me. But, on the up side I know a lot of cool stuff. Most of it is useless trivia, but cool nonetheless. For example...your foot is as long as your forearm measured from your wrist to your elbow. Try it, you know you want to.
I don't know a lot, too. I don't know what type of cow produces the best milk. I have no clue why Canadian Geese opt to stop in Lubbock for extended periods of time and make so much noise. I am completely ignorant as to how much wood a wood chuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Sorry, that is the truth.
Well, take comfort my dears that you are like me in many ways and at least one of these things will apply to you at some point in your life. Personally I hope you dance better than me so you can all be spared the embarrassment I suffered. Of course, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you but, you never know.
Monday, July 25, 2011
It looks like trouble to me...
Yep, trouble it is. My daughters will be the death of me. I joke, but with a level of seriousness about it. Here is why I say that. For all the dads with daughters, you will know what I mean...take a look with me won't you:
It is a sight moms think is cute, and dads well, don't. It has already started at my house and one of my daughters is still in diapers. Take a close look at this photo. They are all in the bathroom getting dressed...together! It is like a preview into their teenage years, as Ashley put it. It's like a preview into our future Friday nights. Not good.
Hannah is straightening her hair. Cooper is brushing her teeth. Riley is, well, doing something. They are all getting dolled up for church. It won't be so cute in a few years. It will be chaos and fighting. Let me tell you...there will be anger and jealousy friends.
You say, "No, look how adorable they are all getting dressed together in the bathroom. How cute." It is, until I picture the future. Take a look with me...
Hannah will be about eighteen or so and somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5'10" tall. Cooper will be fifteen and, well, not that tall. Riley will be about ten years old and probably about as tall as Hannah. In the same bathroom they will be standing in the same places. Hannah will be straightening her hair in front of the mirror, Cooper will be brushing her teeth, and Riley will be doing...something. The chaos will ensue.
Cooper will complain that Hannah is hogging the mirror. Hannah will gripe that Riley keeps asking for her to straighten her hair, too. Riley will scream when Hannah won't fulfill her wish. Riley will push Hannah causing her to burn her hand with the straightener. Cooper will laugh at Hannah because she thinks it is pay back for hogging the mirror for the last half-hour. Hannah will threaten Cooper with leaving her behind and never driving her anywhere again as long as they live. On a side note, that will pose a problem for Ashley and I since we intend to have Hannah relieve us of our taxi driver duties each Friday night while they are in high school.
What are Ashley and I doing you ask? During all of this I will sit on the couch holding my cup of coffee and stare into the hallway fully expecting a to see a child flung into the air and across the hall. My guess would be Cooper, because hey, she will be the shortest of them all. I will ask Ashley, being female, to help them. Of course by then she will have lost patience for their foolishness and will inform me that, "Those are your children," and I should handle it. I will sit back and let it all happen and continue to sip on my coffee. Should one of them be thrown out, oh well...less damage in the bathroom from the brawl.
Anyway, from the bathroom will come the sounds of our typical Friday nights. Let me continue. Hannah will get mad at Cooper for laughing at her and attempt to push her from the bathroom. Riley will get mad at them both and quickly run and, being the "informer," tell on them for fighting. Cooper will retort with something about reading Hannah's diary and threaten to spill all of her secrets to everyone at school. Hannah will them threaten to tell us about something Cooper said or did at school earlier in the day. It will be an eventful and busy night.
Well, the bathroom battle will eventually end and the girls will leave for their dates. All that is, except for Riley. Yes, Riley will be heartbroken that she is again left behind to spend an exciting evening with her parents playing Scrabble or something. By then I will be old and that is a game for old people isn't it? She will be jealous and begin to ask such silly questions like, "When can I go on a date?" Her father, exhausted from listening to them fight over a spot in front of the mirror, will tell her that she can go on a date after she moves out of the house. Riley will reply by promptly running to her room and pack her suitcase. She will then sit by the door and demand we take her to move in with Lolly and Pops (Ashley's parents). I will be momentarily motivated to get out of my seat and do just that, then decide not to because I don't want to drive that far.
Yes friends, it will be eventful. Actually, it will be funny and stressful all at the same time. Yes they are cute now, and of course they will be in the future. But, I don't think I can take all of the cuteness with them all in the bathroom together. That is trouble.
Hannah is straightening her hair. Cooper is brushing her teeth. Riley is, well, doing something. They are all getting dolled up for church. It won't be so cute in a few years. It will be chaos and fighting. Let me tell you...there will be anger and jealousy friends.
You say, "No, look how adorable they are all getting dressed together in the bathroom. How cute." It is, until I picture the future. Take a look with me...
Hannah will be about eighteen or so and somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5'10" tall. Cooper will be fifteen and, well, not that tall. Riley will be about ten years old and probably about as tall as Hannah. In the same bathroom they will be standing in the same places. Hannah will be straightening her hair in front of the mirror, Cooper will be brushing her teeth, and Riley will be doing...something. The chaos will ensue.
Cooper will complain that Hannah is hogging the mirror. Hannah will gripe that Riley keeps asking for her to straighten her hair, too. Riley will scream when Hannah won't fulfill her wish. Riley will push Hannah causing her to burn her hand with the straightener. Cooper will laugh at Hannah because she thinks it is pay back for hogging the mirror for the last half-hour. Hannah will threaten Cooper with leaving her behind and never driving her anywhere again as long as they live. On a side note, that will pose a problem for Ashley and I since we intend to have Hannah relieve us of our taxi driver duties each Friday night while they are in high school.
What are Ashley and I doing you ask? During all of this I will sit on the couch holding my cup of coffee and stare into the hallway fully expecting a to see a child flung into the air and across the hall. My guess would be Cooper, because hey, she will be the shortest of them all. I will ask Ashley, being female, to help them. Of course by then she will have lost patience for their foolishness and will inform me that, "Those are your children," and I should handle it. I will sit back and let it all happen and continue to sip on my coffee. Should one of them be thrown out, oh well...less damage in the bathroom from the brawl.
Anyway, from the bathroom will come the sounds of our typical Friday nights. Let me continue. Hannah will get mad at Cooper for laughing at her and attempt to push her from the bathroom. Riley will get mad at them both and quickly run and, being the "informer," tell on them for fighting. Cooper will retort with something about reading Hannah's diary and threaten to spill all of her secrets to everyone at school. Hannah will them threaten to tell us about something Cooper said or did at school earlier in the day. It will be an eventful and busy night.
Well, the bathroom battle will eventually end and the girls will leave for their dates. All that is, except for Riley. Yes, Riley will be heartbroken that she is again left behind to spend an exciting evening with her parents playing Scrabble or something. By then I will be old and that is a game for old people isn't it? She will be jealous and begin to ask such silly questions like, "When can I go on a date?" Her father, exhausted from listening to them fight over a spot in front of the mirror, will tell her that she can go on a date after she moves out of the house. Riley will reply by promptly running to her room and pack her suitcase. She will then sit by the door and demand we take her to move in with Lolly and Pops (Ashley's parents). I will be momentarily motivated to get out of my seat and do just that, then decide not to because I don't want to drive that far.
Yes friends, it will be eventful. Actually, it will be funny and stressful all at the same time. Yes they are cute now, and of course they will be in the future. But, I don't think I can take all of the cuteness with them all in the bathroom together. That is trouble.
Monday, July 18, 2011
That is gross...
My daughters have a skewed idea of what is gross. No, not a gross (as in 144 of something), but what grosses them out. I thought I had dainty little princesses that want to have tea parties and sing Disney princess pop songs while playing "dress up daddy". While that is true, I also have girls who want to act like boys. Examples you ask? Read on...
(Disclaimer: although Ashley sort of gave me the idea for this one, she takes no responsibility for the contents and will likely disavow any knowledge of me later). So to Ashley, I sort of used your idea. Then I added a twist.
I am mainly focusing on Hannah and Cooper. Riley is too young to speak, let alone find something gross. This is the same child that will laugh at me while I gag as I change a doo doo diaper. She is clueless about such things.
These two princesses think it to be, and I quote, "grrrrooooosssssssssssssss," when I give my wife a kiss before leaving for work. They find it the height of comedy when one of them has gas. Welcome to my world.
I think I referenced this in an older post. Let me add to that one. My oldest is Hannah. She apparently takes pride in the volume of her burps when she, well, "brings the bass" so to speak. Hannah scared me one night, when out of the silence, came what sounded like a train going by the window of the dining room. The walls moved and the picture shook. I thought I needed to duck for cover because I knew the wall behind me was coming down. I wanted to cry. Hannah and Cooper wanted to fall out of their chairs laughing. They were not laughing at me, but Hannah! How is that not gross? I don't burp at the table and rarely even burp in front of my family. They compete to see who can out burp the other. My princesses.
Then there is Cooper. Yes, she is a burper too. But she also takes pride in another bodily function. Cooper, shall I say, backfires. This is putting it mildly. Cooper thinks the funniest thing on this planet is the sound of her own fart. I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am writing about this stuff either. But this is real friends. I can't make it up.
Anyway, Cooper thinks her flatulence is ridiculously funny. I find it completely disgusting. One day she was playing and backed up to me to, are you ready for this, FART ON ME! Imagine my surprise friends. Picture it. My cute little daughter, who was all of four years old with her curly hair in a bow, thought it funny to walk backwards toward me and do that. I thought she was preparing to sit on my lap and have a minute of cuddle time with daddy, since I was sitting on the floor of the living room. Not quite. No...not even close. And this is the same child that intelligently informs us about every other week that she needs a manicure, and digs in her purse to get her flavored lip gloss and apply it every ten minutes. It is so baffling I have a headache.
Where did I fail? These girls have not been raised by manner-less parents that compete to see how gross we can be. We don't live in a bar where behavior like that is accepted. Yes I want my daughters to be well rounded. I mean by playing sports and such. Not behaving like a drunken frat-daddy at a party. I want them to be able to do a basic repair, not crush a can on their foreheads after chugging the contents.
So, to my daughters let me first say this to you. Yes, I actually wrote this down. Yes, you will hate me for several years for chronicling your exploits. And yes, you will one day laugh at this as I have. Now...It is not gross for me to kiss mommy before I go to work. It is not gross for me to give her a hug. Pay close attention. It is gross to burp the alphabet. It is disgusting to fart in public, and yes Cooper, on other people.
It amazes me that I don't have sons, yet I still have to give such instructions. Never thought it.
(Disclaimer: although Ashley sort of gave me the idea for this one, she takes no responsibility for the contents and will likely disavow any knowledge of me later). So to Ashley, I sort of used your idea. Then I added a twist.
I am mainly focusing on Hannah and Cooper. Riley is too young to speak, let alone find something gross. This is the same child that will laugh at me while I gag as I change a doo doo diaper. She is clueless about such things.
These two princesses think it to be, and I quote, "grrrrooooosssssssssssssss," when I give my wife a kiss before leaving for work. They find it the height of comedy when one of them has gas. Welcome to my world.
I think I referenced this in an older post. Let me add to that one. My oldest is Hannah. She apparently takes pride in the volume of her burps when she, well, "brings the bass" so to speak. Hannah scared me one night, when out of the silence, came what sounded like a train going by the window of the dining room. The walls moved and the picture shook. I thought I needed to duck for cover because I knew the wall behind me was coming down. I wanted to cry. Hannah and Cooper wanted to fall out of their chairs laughing. They were not laughing at me, but Hannah! How is that not gross? I don't burp at the table and rarely even burp in front of my family. They compete to see who can out burp the other. My princesses.
Then there is Cooper. Yes, she is a burper too. But she also takes pride in another bodily function. Cooper, shall I say, backfires. This is putting it mildly. Cooper thinks the funniest thing on this planet is the sound of her own fart. I know what you are thinking...and I can't believe I am writing about this stuff either. But this is real friends. I can't make it up.
Anyway, Cooper thinks her flatulence is ridiculously funny. I find it completely disgusting. One day she was playing and backed up to me to, are you ready for this, FART ON ME! Imagine my surprise friends. Picture it. My cute little daughter, who was all of four years old with her curly hair in a bow, thought it funny to walk backwards toward me and do that. I thought she was preparing to sit on my lap and have a minute of cuddle time with daddy, since I was sitting on the floor of the living room. Not quite. No...not even close. And this is the same child that intelligently informs us about every other week that she needs a manicure, and digs in her purse to get her flavored lip gloss and apply it every ten minutes. It is so baffling I have a headache.
Where did I fail? These girls have not been raised by manner-less parents that compete to see how gross we can be. We don't live in a bar where behavior like that is accepted. Yes I want my daughters to be well rounded. I mean by playing sports and such. Not behaving like a drunken frat-daddy at a party. I want them to be able to do a basic repair, not crush a can on their foreheads after chugging the contents.
So, to my daughters let me first say this to you. Yes, I actually wrote this down. Yes, you will hate me for several years for chronicling your exploits. And yes, you will one day laugh at this as I have. Now...It is not gross for me to kiss mommy before I go to work. It is not gross for me to give her a hug. Pay close attention. It is gross to burp the alphabet. It is disgusting to fart in public, and yes Cooper, on other people.
It amazes me that I don't have sons, yet I still have to give such instructions. Never thought it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
More things for my daughters...
A few more gems for my children from their father...
11. It is okay to sleep past 5 am. This one is for Riley specifically. My dear, I love you very much but you have to end the mistaken belief that your mother and I need no sleep to function and enjoy waking up prior to sunlight. Yes you are cute and it is funny when you inform us using sign language that you want to eat. But not at 5am. You get a full night sleep each night and it is only fair that you allow your parents, who love you and support you, to do the same.
12. Take up a hobby. I use to have one of those, but someone stole my golf clubs. If I was still a kid there is one thing I would try...mutton busting. From an adult's perspective it is hilarious. I would imagine it would be a combination of exhilaration and terror for the 6 seconds you are attached to the back of that animal. It is true that if I wanted to experience those feelings now I could go to the rodeo and climb on the back of some bull and hope to walk out of the arena on my own power instead of leave in an ambulance. Of course, I would only be on the back of the bull until it left the gate. I am sure your mother has no desire to see me flung into the air by a large animal and tumbling back to the earth. Luckily for all of you, I am older and wiser and have no such desires...well, today anyway.
13. Be nice to your baby sister. Just as you are growing taller and stronger, remember this...Riley will probably outgrow you both. It may seem funny now to tease her with toys and take her stuff. She may be chuckling on the outside but on the inside...she is storing that memory away for a later day of retribution. One day she will be bigger and stronger than you both and you will pay for your teasing and stealing. Remember...daddy warned you.
14. Getting a driver's license is a privilege. Yes when each of you turn 16 you are going to want a driver's license. No we don't have to let you. However, we can be swayed by cash so start saving now. And, when you start dating and bring some thug around remember that there will be no driver's license to be had as long as he is around. What is more important...chasing around little punk boys who don't love you or driving at 16? Think about it...
15. Go to college...and graduate. When your mother and I are old you will need to take care of us. No, that does not mean to put us into a home so stop laughing. You will all need to go to college and graduate so you can all earn a good living to support us later. By the time you graduate college you will each owe us somewhere in the neighborhood of $402,683 for raising you. Hey, the cost of diapers and wipes add up. There will be a time to repay us and we don't take checks. Start choosing your graduate school programs early.
11. It is okay to sleep past 5 am. This one is for Riley specifically. My dear, I love you very much but you have to end the mistaken belief that your mother and I need no sleep to function and enjoy waking up prior to sunlight. Yes you are cute and it is funny when you inform us using sign language that you want to eat. But not at 5am. You get a full night sleep each night and it is only fair that you allow your parents, who love you and support you, to do the same.
12. Take up a hobby. I use to have one of those, but someone stole my golf clubs. If I was still a kid there is one thing I would try...mutton busting. From an adult's perspective it is hilarious. I would imagine it would be a combination of exhilaration and terror for the 6 seconds you are attached to the back of that animal. It is true that if I wanted to experience those feelings now I could go to the rodeo and climb on the back of some bull and hope to walk out of the arena on my own power instead of leave in an ambulance. Of course, I would only be on the back of the bull until it left the gate. I am sure your mother has no desire to see me flung into the air by a large animal and tumbling back to the earth. Luckily for all of you, I am older and wiser and have no such desires...well, today anyway.
13. Be nice to your baby sister. Just as you are growing taller and stronger, remember this...Riley will probably outgrow you both. It may seem funny now to tease her with toys and take her stuff. She may be chuckling on the outside but on the inside...she is storing that memory away for a later day of retribution. One day she will be bigger and stronger than you both and you will pay for your teasing and stealing. Remember...daddy warned you.
14. Getting a driver's license is a privilege. Yes when each of you turn 16 you are going to want a driver's license. No we don't have to let you. However, we can be swayed by cash so start saving now. And, when you start dating and bring some thug around remember that there will be no driver's license to be had as long as he is around. What is more important...chasing around little punk boys who don't love you or driving at 16? Think about it...
15. Go to college...and graduate. When your mother and I are old you will need to take care of us. No, that does not mean to put us into a home so stop laughing. You will all need to go to college and graduate so you can all earn a good living to support us later. By the time you graduate college you will each owe us somewhere in the neighborhood of $402,683 for raising you. Hey, the cost of diapers and wipes add up. There will be a time to repay us and we don't take checks. Start choosing your graduate school programs early.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
A Music Story
"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes." - Bill Cosby
I knew one day it would happen. Having daughters I knew it would be bad, too. I tried to stop it but I was unsuccessful. Well, I have been so far anyway. Over the weekend recently I realized just how bad the differences between my daughters and I were when it comes to our taste in music. Two words...Camp Rock. Enough said.
I love Sirius radio. Not enough to pay for it in my car of course. I don't need it because we have a number of channels on our television satellite at home. Thankfully, the 80's, 90's, and Classic Rock stations are on there. Thankfully, Radio Disney is not.
Sunday was sort of normal, and sort of not. Ashley was out of town due to family issues and I was home...alone...with all three girls. Hannah arrived recently (Thank You, Lord). We got up and went to church and later cleaned house (normal). Again, Ashley was out of town leaving me alone with all of them for four days (not normal).
Anyway, on the way to church I was shuffling music from my iPod. Notice I said MY iPod. This will be significant in a few seconds. After a song I liked ended, a Camp Rock song started. You would have thought that Jonas kid fell from the sky, through the sun roof, and into our car. My once lethargic and disinterested daughters started singing, bouncing in their seats, and screaming for me to turn it up. Riley simply followed Hannah and Cooper and started shrieking. Oh what a difference between "daddy's music," and "our music." Go ahead and make fun of me. I understand. I have an iPod full of Disney pop princess music and Kids Bop. I never thought it would happen.
So there we were driving down 82nd Street. My girls were rocking out to Disney pop music while daddy looked to the driver next to me as if to plead for help because my radio was being hijacked and held captive by little girls. I am pretty sure my ears started bleeding from that noise.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. We are cleaning the house and I have the satellite turned to Sirius "80's on 8." Now, I was born in the 70's. I will spare you the year except to say it was in the early 70's. I remember music from the late 70's and 80's very well. A song comes on and I can tell you the year it was released. Yes, you can be jealous that I possess such useless knowledge.
Anyway, there I am "rocking out" to some 80's rock song while I am folding laundry. My once energetic daughters are now lethargic and disinterested and begging for me to turn it down. Maybe it was because they did not appreciate the "classic" status of the music, or it could have been because they were embarrassed their father was acting like a teenager...while folding their jammies and socks.
Hannah and Cooper are old enough to have their distinct taste in music. If it is that Bieber kid, a Disney artist, or something from the Glee cast...they love it. Their father is more interested in stuff like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Queen, Clapton, BB King, etc, etc. I just hope they don't get to my iPod and erase my stuff and replace it all with that stuff the kids are listening to today. Yes, that made me sound old and grumpy. You listen to Camp Rock over, and over, and over and see how you behave.
I knew one day it would happen. Having daughters I knew it would be bad, too. I tried to stop it but I was unsuccessful. Well, I have been so far anyway. Over the weekend recently I realized just how bad the differences between my daughters and I were when it comes to our taste in music. Two words...Camp Rock. Enough said.
I love Sirius radio. Not enough to pay for it in my car of course. I don't need it because we have a number of channels on our television satellite at home. Thankfully, the 80's, 90's, and Classic Rock stations are on there. Thankfully, Radio Disney is not.
Sunday was sort of normal, and sort of not. Ashley was out of town due to family issues and I was home...alone...with all three girls. Hannah arrived recently (Thank You, Lord). We got up and went to church and later cleaned house (normal). Again, Ashley was out of town leaving me alone with all of them for four days (not normal).
Anyway, on the way to church I was shuffling music from my iPod. Notice I said MY iPod. This will be significant in a few seconds. After a song I liked ended, a Camp Rock song started. You would have thought that Jonas kid fell from the sky, through the sun roof, and into our car. My once lethargic and disinterested daughters started singing, bouncing in their seats, and screaming for me to turn it up. Riley simply followed Hannah and Cooper and started shrieking. Oh what a difference between "daddy's music," and "our music." Go ahead and make fun of me. I understand. I have an iPod full of Disney pop princess music and Kids Bop. I never thought it would happen.
So there we were driving down 82nd Street. My girls were rocking out to Disney pop music while daddy looked to the driver next to me as if to plead for help because my radio was being hijacked and held captive by little girls. I am pretty sure my ears started bleeding from that noise.
Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. We are cleaning the house and I have the satellite turned to Sirius "80's on 8." Now, I was born in the 70's. I will spare you the year except to say it was in the early 70's. I remember music from the late 70's and 80's very well. A song comes on and I can tell you the year it was released. Yes, you can be jealous that I possess such useless knowledge.
Anyway, there I am "rocking out" to some 80's rock song while I am folding laundry. My once energetic daughters are now lethargic and disinterested and begging for me to turn it down. Maybe it was because they did not appreciate the "classic" status of the music, or it could have been because they were embarrassed their father was acting like a teenager...while folding their jammies and socks.
Hannah and Cooper are old enough to have their distinct taste in music. If it is that Bieber kid, a Disney artist, or something from the Glee cast...they love it. Their father is more interested in stuff like Stevie Ray Vaughan, Queen, Clapton, BB King, etc, etc. I just hope they don't get to my iPod and erase my stuff and replace it all with that stuff the kids are listening to today. Yes, that made me sound old and grumpy. You listen to Camp Rock over, and over, and over and see how you behave.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Another tooth story
I was asleep the other morning in a comfortable bed. Then, I felt it. I always know when someone is staring at me. Like most everyone else, I can just feel it when someone is staring at me, face to face. I am awoken by the sight of Cooper with her face directly in front of mine as she proudly shows off the big ole gap in her grill.
Yep, Cooper lost one of her front teeth. She was proud that her mother assisted her by yanking out the tooth that she has been moving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...for days. Cooper would walk up and proudly and energetically say, "Look!" So what did I do? I looked. There she was, pulling on that snaggle-tooth trying to get it out. Then it finally happened.
So, as I said, she was face to face with me and I opened my eyes to the sight of her tongue sticking out through the gap in the middle of her smile. I will not lie, I was startled at first. I wasn't expecting to see that I must say. After I processed for a minute, I said something infinitely intelligent like, "Good," and drifted back to sleep with the image burned into my mind.
So, later Cooper was so proud that she showed everyone, and then turned her attention to the possibilities. Yes, the possibilities of what the Tooth Fairy will deliver. I'm sure she was hoping for a paper Abe Lincoln. I think she just wanted cash money, to be honest, no matter what it was.
But this time, the Tooth Fairy was crafty. She did not provide cash that would burn a hole in Cooper's pocket until she got to spend it on something useless. No, she provided a craft. Cooper got a box she could paint and decorate however she wanted. The box was to hold some little small trinkets, and she was so proud. I have yet to see the outcome of the project, but I have to give props to the Tooth Fairy. Good call. Don't let her get used to cash. Make her work instead. Awesome.
So, here is what I saw when Cooper stared at me long enough to wake me up...
You can barely see it, but there is a gap in that very excited grill of hers.
Yep, Cooper lost one of her front teeth. She was proud that her mother assisted her by yanking out the tooth that she has been moving back and forth, back and forth, back and forth...for days. Cooper would walk up and proudly and energetically say, "Look!" So what did I do? I looked. There she was, pulling on that snaggle-tooth trying to get it out. Then it finally happened.
So, as I said, she was face to face with me and I opened my eyes to the sight of her tongue sticking out through the gap in the middle of her smile. I will not lie, I was startled at first. I wasn't expecting to see that I must say. After I processed for a minute, I said something infinitely intelligent like, "Good," and drifted back to sleep with the image burned into my mind.
So, later Cooper was so proud that she showed everyone, and then turned her attention to the possibilities. Yes, the possibilities of what the Tooth Fairy will deliver. I'm sure she was hoping for a paper Abe Lincoln. I think she just wanted cash money, to be honest, no matter what it was.
But this time, the Tooth Fairy was crafty. She did not provide cash that would burn a hole in Cooper's pocket until she got to spend it on something useless. No, she provided a craft. Cooper got a box she could paint and decorate however she wanted. The box was to hold some little small trinkets, and she was so proud. I have yet to see the outcome of the project, but I have to give props to the Tooth Fairy. Good call. Don't let her get used to cash. Make her work instead. Awesome.
So, here is what I saw when Cooper stared at me long enough to wake me up...
Monday, July 4, 2011
Things I Hope To Teach My Girls...
As a father of all girls I know I have an immense responsibility. Yes, so do parents of boys, but I especially believe this is true of girls. The list could go on and on, but here are a few for now and they are in no particular order. Some are more serious than others and I intend them to be so.
1. Daddy will always love, protect, and support you. No matter what, I will always be your daddy. You may be grown and married with your own children but you will always be my little girls. I love you all more than I can possibly explain and would protect you from anything. If someone tries to hurt you, you can be assured I will try to stop them. Never forget, I will always love you even though I may not like some of your behavior. There is a difference between the two. I love you all for who you are as individuals.
2. You can do anything. Never let anyone ever tell you that you are not capable of doing something. It is a lie. You are all capable of being what you want to be and doing what your heart desires. If you want to be a doctor, go for it. If you want to pursue a life in military service, great. If you dream of being a performer or artist, follow those dreams. I will not stop you, but support you.
3. Respect yourself. If you do not respect yourself first, no one else will. Whether you know it or not, other people will know if you have no respect for yourself by the way you present yourself, and that includes your body. Do not let society tell you what is perfect because, frankly my darlings, human perfection is not possible. You have to respect who you are, and know that your are special. You deserve to be treated as such.
4. It is perfectly okay to say "No." This is something I always want you to remember. Friends, including boyfriends, will try to sway you into poor choices. Peer pressure can be a bad thing and just because someone else does something, it does not mean you need to. Girlfriends will try to pressure you into acting, dressing, and behaving in a certain way because it is the "in" thing. Do not be a follower. It is okay to say no. Boys will tell you what they think you want to hear to get you to do things that they want you to do. It is okay to tell them no. It they don't understand or respect it coming from you, they will understand when I tell them. I promise you that.
Now for the lighter side.
6. The oil light comes on for a reason. When you are driving down the road and the little orange light comes on that looks like a can with a spout...change the oil. A brief lesson in mechanics is in order. An engine guns on gasoline (which you must also put in, but before the light comes on). Inside, it has oil to run smoothly due to the heat and metal parts. No oil, no running engine. If the light comes on take it to a shop and get them to change it. It is better to pay $30 to get it done than $3000 to replace an engine. Plus, you are supporting the economy and providing jobs and all that stuff. The lesson...if you don't change the oil your car will die and I will not buy you another one.
7. The tire won't change itself. I will teach you how to change a flat tire so that if one goes flat you can quickly get it fixed and back on the road. I don't want you to hang out on the side of the highway waiting for some wacko to show up to help. If it goes flat, change it and move on. If there is a problem, call me. If you are married at the time...call your husband.
8. Boys are stinky, sweaty, and stupid. They can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Usually that is a sport of some kind and when they are not thinking about sports, they are thinking about girls. I know because I was one. Now I am smart, and I am smart because your mother made me that way. Don't tell her I said that though.
9. Money does not grow on trees. Regardless of what you think, I do not have a tree in the backyard that supplies me with an infinite number of dollar bills. And, producing my own dollar bills is a federal offense. No, I cannot just write a check. There must be money in my account to write a check for anything. No I cannot just use my debit card, either. This is for the same reason. When you are in high school and you want new shoes...get a job. I did and it was good enough for me.
10. Yes, this is your home and NO, you cannot stay forever. At some point I expect you to go to college, get a job, and move out. That is called being an adult. You will grow up and hopefully have a family of your own, and you will have to live in your own house. Yes I love you, but you will eventually have to get out.
There are more things I know I will have to teach them. The list will grow and change as time moves on. Hopefully I will remember everything and not completely mess everything up. Being a daddy is a great responsibility, isn't it? I have survived so far and cannot wait to see what the next several years holds for us all. My only request...pray for us all.
1. Daddy will always love, protect, and support you. No matter what, I will always be your daddy. You may be grown and married with your own children but you will always be my little girls. I love you all more than I can possibly explain and would protect you from anything. If someone tries to hurt you, you can be assured I will try to stop them. Never forget, I will always love you even though I may not like some of your behavior. There is a difference between the two. I love you all for who you are as individuals.
2. You can do anything. Never let anyone ever tell you that you are not capable of doing something. It is a lie. You are all capable of being what you want to be and doing what your heart desires. If you want to be a doctor, go for it. If you want to pursue a life in military service, great. If you dream of being a performer or artist, follow those dreams. I will not stop you, but support you.
3. Respect yourself. If you do not respect yourself first, no one else will. Whether you know it or not, other people will know if you have no respect for yourself by the way you present yourself, and that includes your body. Do not let society tell you what is perfect because, frankly my darlings, human perfection is not possible. You have to respect who you are, and know that your are special. You deserve to be treated as such.
4. It is perfectly okay to say "No." This is something I always want you to remember. Friends, including boyfriends, will try to sway you into poor choices. Peer pressure can be a bad thing and just because someone else does something, it does not mean you need to. Girlfriends will try to pressure you into acting, dressing, and behaving in a certain way because it is the "in" thing. Do not be a follower. It is okay to say no. Boys will tell you what they think you want to hear to get you to do things that they want you to do. It is okay to tell them no. It they don't understand or respect it coming from you, they will understand when I tell them. I promise you that.
5. Follow God. This is most important. Never lose sight of Him. He is righteous, he is wonderful, he is amazing. He will guide, protect, and keep you. Hear these words, and believe them: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. - Proverbs 3:5-6
Now for the lighter side.
6. The oil light comes on for a reason. When you are driving down the road and the little orange light comes on that looks like a can with a spout...change the oil. A brief lesson in mechanics is in order. An engine guns on gasoline (which you must also put in, but before the light comes on). Inside, it has oil to run smoothly due to the heat and metal parts. No oil, no running engine. If the light comes on take it to a shop and get them to change it. It is better to pay $30 to get it done than $3000 to replace an engine. Plus, you are supporting the economy and providing jobs and all that stuff. The lesson...if you don't change the oil your car will die and I will not buy you another one.
7. The tire won't change itself. I will teach you how to change a flat tire so that if one goes flat you can quickly get it fixed and back on the road. I don't want you to hang out on the side of the highway waiting for some wacko to show up to help. If it goes flat, change it and move on. If there is a problem, call me. If you are married at the time...call your husband.
8. Boys are stinky, sweaty, and stupid. They can only concentrate on one thing at a time. Usually that is a sport of some kind and when they are not thinking about sports, they are thinking about girls. I know because I was one. Now I am smart, and I am smart because your mother made me that way. Don't tell her I said that though.
9. Money does not grow on trees. Regardless of what you think, I do not have a tree in the backyard that supplies me with an infinite number of dollar bills. And, producing my own dollar bills is a federal offense. No, I cannot just write a check. There must be money in my account to write a check for anything. No I cannot just use my debit card, either. This is for the same reason. When you are in high school and you want new shoes...get a job. I did and it was good enough for me.
10. Yes, this is your home and NO, you cannot stay forever. At some point I expect you to go to college, get a job, and move out. That is called being an adult. You will grow up and hopefully have a family of your own, and you will have to live in your own house. Yes I love you, but you will eventually have to get out.
There are more things I know I will have to teach them. The list will grow and change as time moves on. Hopefully I will remember everything and not completely mess everything up. Being a daddy is a great responsibility, isn't it? I have survived so far and cannot wait to see what the next several years holds for us all. My only request...pray for us all.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Daddy's Divas
Everyone knows about Charlie's Angels. Well, I have a Daddy's Divas.
I grew up in a family of mostly boys. I grew up wrestling, fighting, and feuding with my brothers. I grew up an athlete. I grew up a from a boy to a man. Actually my wife may disagree some days judging by my behavior. Anyway, not the point. So what do I know about raising daughters? Nothing, that's what. I am totally winging it. I expected to have sons at some point. Given my upbringing I considered myself better prepared to deal with raising boys. Girls, not so much. But I do the best I can. My daughters are girly-girls, and by that I mean princesses. Yes, I have examples.
First, there is "Hollywood Scifres," as she is known by Ashley. Riley is a diva in the making. I have photos, of course. Riley enjoys wearing her sunglasses inside, since that is apparently the chic thing to do at 15 months old. She mugs for the camera and I am convinced she gives thought to her poses to make sure we get "her good side." She has attitude which she has learned from her older sisters and has been known to throw the occasional tempter tantrum when she does not get her every desire met immediately. That's how she rolls.
So, every morning she is in the bathroom while mommy is getting dressed and starts going through all of the hair products (which she does not need due to her bald head). She must be wearing shoes and she simply must have her handbag (which is actually her lunch tote) to go anywhere. Once she is dressed, complete with accessories, she struts out the door like she can drive herself.
Then there is Cooper. She is currently Riley's diva role model and coach. When Riley needs a push in the right direction, Cooper is freely willing to help. Cooper is evolving into more of a princess on a daily basis. She is now concerned with her hair, her nails, her clothes, and especially her shoes. Thank you, mommy. I have already informed Cooper that she will need a good job to pay for all of her shoes.
Cooper now carries a purse where ever she goes that is completely filled with all manner of cosmetics and girl stuff, including: multiple flavors and shades of lip gloss, sparkling hand sanitizer, hair care stuff, gum, and an untold number of bracelets and miscellaneous jewelry.
Cooper went from wanting to play baseball and basketball to cheerleading. Again, I have photos. Not too long ago I was helping her with her swing. Now she is demonstrating poses and kicks, and acrobatics that I am helpless to aid with. Who do I blame? Disney Channel. Curse you Hannah Montana and High School Musical!
And then there is Hannah. She is knocking on the door of adolescence and I am afraid. Very afraid. She is already talking about boys. Well, she is talking about that Bieber kid. Before him it was Joe Jonas, whoever he is. See what I mean? She already has that whole "hair flip" thing down and is more worried about her cleanliness than Cooper. The child spends an eternity in the bathroom getting ready. She still plays sports which is good. I can coach a jump shot. I can't explain why some boy didn't compliment her hair.
Yes, I am in trouble. Luckily, I have my wife. No, she does not act like a diva, but she understands these people. The older they get the more ignorant I will become. I don't know about girls entering adolescence. I don't know about cosmetics and how to apply eye shadow correctly without putting out an eye or about which shade of red lipstick looks good with a certain color dress. I don't have a clue about writing cheers or choreography. I know about basketball, baseball, and volleyball and can coach them all. I can teach swimming.
Fortunately Ashley can take over where I can not. She can teach the girls about shoes and purses and I can supplement that knowledge with how not to be the victim of a purse-snatching, and if that ever happens, which shoes are most comfortable for running the punk down to tackle him. Ashley can teach them etiquette and I can teach them to defend themselves against an attack and exactly what profanities they will utter in the process, and how to use them correctly.
So I guess it will all work out. I have something to contribute and I just hope they will listen because I may not know about girls, but I know all about boys and who they really are despite what they may say. So to all of my girls' future boyfriends, I am on to you clowns. Best of luck. My girls may appear to be divas, but I assure you they are much more.
I grew up in a family of mostly boys. I grew up wrestling, fighting, and feuding with my brothers. I grew up an athlete. I grew up a from a boy to a man. Actually my wife may disagree some days judging by my behavior. Anyway, not the point. So what do I know about raising daughters? Nothing, that's what. I am totally winging it. I expected to have sons at some point. Given my upbringing I considered myself better prepared to deal with raising boys. Girls, not so much. But I do the best I can. My daughters are girly-girls, and by that I mean princesses. Yes, I have examples.
First, there is "Hollywood Scifres," as she is known by Ashley. Riley is a diva in the making. I have photos, of course. Riley enjoys wearing her sunglasses inside, since that is apparently the chic thing to do at 15 months old. She mugs for the camera and I am convinced she gives thought to her poses to make sure we get "her good side." She has attitude which she has learned from her older sisters and has been known to throw the occasional tempter tantrum when she does not get her every desire met immediately. That's how she rolls.
So, every morning she is in the bathroom while mommy is getting dressed and starts going through all of the hair products (which she does not need due to her bald head). She must be wearing shoes and she simply must have her handbag (which is actually her lunch tote) to go anywhere. Once she is dressed, complete with accessories, she struts out the door like she can drive herself.
Then there is Cooper. She is currently Riley's diva role model and coach. When Riley needs a push in the right direction, Cooper is freely willing to help. Cooper is evolving into more of a princess on a daily basis. She is now concerned with her hair, her nails, her clothes, and especially her shoes. Thank you, mommy. I have already informed Cooper that she will need a good job to pay for all of her shoes.
Cooper now carries a purse where ever she goes that is completely filled with all manner of cosmetics and girl stuff, including: multiple flavors and shades of lip gloss, sparkling hand sanitizer, hair care stuff, gum, and an untold number of bracelets and miscellaneous jewelry.
Cooper went from wanting to play baseball and basketball to cheerleading. Again, I have photos. Not too long ago I was helping her with her swing. Now she is demonstrating poses and kicks, and acrobatics that I am helpless to aid with. Who do I blame? Disney Channel. Curse you Hannah Montana and High School Musical!
And then there is Hannah. She is knocking on the door of adolescence and I am afraid. Very afraid. She is already talking about boys. Well, she is talking about that Bieber kid. Before him it was Joe Jonas, whoever he is. See what I mean? She already has that whole "hair flip" thing down and is more worried about her cleanliness than Cooper. The child spends an eternity in the bathroom getting ready. She still plays sports which is good. I can coach a jump shot. I can't explain why some boy didn't compliment her hair.
Yes, I am in trouble. Luckily, I have my wife. No, she does not act like a diva, but she understands these people. The older they get the more ignorant I will become. I don't know about girls entering adolescence. I don't know about cosmetics and how to apply eye shadow correctly without putting out an eye or about which shade of red lipstick looks good with a certain color dress. I don't have a clue about writing cheers or choreography. I know about basketball, baseball, and volleyball and can coach them all. I can teach swimming.
Fortunately Ashley can take over where I can not. She can teach the girls about shoes and purses and I can supplement that knowledge with how not to be the victim of a purse-snatching, and if that ever happens, which shoes are most comfortable for running the punk down to tackle him. Ashley can teach them etiquette and I can teach them to defend themselves against an attack and exactly what profanities they will utter in the process, and how to use them correctly.
So I guess it will all work out. I have something to contribute and I just hope they will listen because I may not know about girls, but I know all about boys and who they really are despite what they may say. So to all of my girls' future boyfriends, I am on to you clowns. Best of luck. My girls may appear to be divas, but I assure you they are much more.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Yes, they are laughing at me...
Being a father is comical at times. Some of the things my children do makes me laugh. Some of the things I do makes them laugh. Now they think it funny. Later they will find it embarrassing, which in turn amuses me.
Yes, I still like the Muppets. Actually, I still love the Muppets. At thirty-six years old I still laugh so hard at the Swedish Chef that I nearly cry. Ashley simply looks at me with a confused expression, rolls her eyes, and laughs at me. I have fun. And so do my children.
I am easily amused obviously. I will see something and start laughing. My children will laugh too, only they are laughing at me and not whatever it is I find so funny.
Take last night for example. I was surfing the web and started watching the Muppets. I watched "Mahna Mahna," which everyone knows I love. I got caught walking in the grocery store one day singing it, without my children. I walked around a corner from one aisle to another and was face to face with a woman who was laughing at me. She thought it funnier when she realized I didn't have a kid in tow.
Anyway, back to the story. Hannah, Riley and Cooper take after me some because they love it, too. I can't watch just one Muppet video. I had to find more. I watched a newer video with them singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Holy smokes, comedy gold. I only wanted to see one part, though. I chuckled through the video until it got the the Swedish Chef unintelligibly uttering his lyrics. I started laughing so hard I had tears. Riley and Cooper, and Ashley, were not amused by the video but by my reaction. They laughed at me, and not with me. If you haven't seen it yet, see it. You will not be disappointed, I promise.
I hope my kids get my sense of humor. Ashley as a great sense of humor, but I hope they take after me. The most juvenile things still make me laugh. As old as I feel some days, I like it I can still find humor in ridiculous and mindless things. Secretly I think Ashley likes it too.
I want my children to remember their father not just as the guy who dished out the discipline when they misbehaved, but also as someone they could laugh with, or in this case, laugh at. I want to create as many memories as I can before they are too old and think I'm not cool.
One day they will be embarrassed when their friends are over and I am laughing like a little girl while watching Phineas and Ferb. Now they find it funny. Later, not so much. Cooper will shield her face and hurriedly move her friends into her room while trying to ignore me and instruct them to do the same. Hannah will plead with me to not say or do anything dumb before she introduces me to some boy she is going out with. I, being the father I am, will say something ridiculous just to see her reaction. Riley will actually be in luck because I will probably have been admitted to a home by her sisters by the time she is old enough to have friends over.
Maybe I should video some of this stuff so I can use it later. Then my children will always know how funny their father was and they can have repeated laughs at my expense. And, they can be embarrassed.
Yes, I still like the Muppets. Actually, I still love the Muppets. At thirty-six years old I still laugh so hard at the Swedish Chef that I nearly cry. Ashley simply looks at me with a confused expression, rolls her eyes, and laughs at me. I have fun. And so do my children.
I am easily amused obviously. I will see something and start laughing. My children will laugh too, only they are laughing at me and not whatever it is I find so funny.
Take last night for example. I was surfing the web and started watching the Muppets. I watched "Mahna Mahna," which everyone knows I love. I got caught walking in the grocery store one day singing it, without my children. I walked around a corner from one aisle to another and was face to face with a woman who was laughing at me. She thought it funnier when she realized I didn't have a kid in tow.
Anyway, back to the story. Hannah, Riley and Cooper take after me some because they love it, too. I can't watch just one Muppet video. I had to find more. I watched a newer video with them singing Bohemian Rhapsody. Holy smokes, comedy gold. I only wanted to see one part, though. I chuckled through the video until it got the the Swedish Chef unintelligibly uttering his lyrics. I started laughing so hard I had tears. Riley and Cooper, and Ashley, were not amused by the video but by my reaction. They laughed at me, and not with me. If you haven't seen it yet, see it. You will not be disappointed, I promise.
I hope my kids get my sense of humor. Ashley as a great sense of humor, but I hope they take after me. The most juvenile things still make me laugh. As old as I feel some days, I like it I can still find humor in ridiculous and mindless things. Secretly I think Ashley likes it too.
I want my children to remember their father not just as the guy who dished out the discipline when they misbehaved, but also as someone they could laugh with, or in this case, laugh at. I want to create as many memories as I can before they are too old and think I'm not cool.
One day they will be embarrassed when their friends are over and I am laughing like a little girl while watching Phineas and Ferb. Now they find it funny. Later, not so much. Cooper will shield her face and hurriedly move her friends into her room while trying to ignore me and instruct them to do the same. Hannah will plead with me to not say or do anything dumb before she introduces me to some boy she is going out with. I, being the father I am, will say something ridiculous just to see her reaction. Riley will actually be in luck because I will probably have been admitted to a home by her sisters by the time she is old enough to have friends over.
Maybe I should video some of this stuff so I can use it later. Then my children will always know how funny their father was and they can have repeated laughs at my expense. And, they can be embarrassed.
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