Retaking the house...from our children

Here we are again.  Do you hear it?  No?  That is good.  It is called quiet.  That is something that we don't normally have around here because the children run the house during the summer months and overfill it with noise.  But now is the time for Ashley and I to regain control of our humble abode.  It is time to take back our house with the assistance of a little thing called SCHOOL.

Yes, Ashley and I are please to report that our children have been sent off to become smarter than we are.  Well, smarter than me anyway.  They are gone all day interacting with others, learning new things, playing hard, and completely destroying someone else's property for a change.

We have assessed the damage here at home and I am happy to say the house is still standing.  They tried to take it out from the ground up.  We have scrubbed yogurt off of the door, crayons off of the walls, and cookie dough off of the table.  They bounced off of walls, jumped onto and off of couches, and even built forts in the living room in an attempt to declare it their territory.  But they are no match for us now and we have the upper hand.  After a long day at school they return to do homework and seem to be too tired to create a large mess.  Bedtime is no longer a battle.  I love it.

So for the other parents, enjoy the quiet as I do while I sleep during the day (since I work all night).  May your homes stay cleaner than they did all summer.  And for the teachers...in all seriousness, God bless you for the job you do.  Because it takes a special person to be locked away with those little people all day and maintain your sanity.  May they be studious and attentive instead of destructive and unruly.

FYI - for a glimpse at how Cooper led a classroom insurrection last year, check out the "Hit and run and some anarchy" blog post from last fall.  Enjoy.

Where did the summer go?

Today my first born leaves again.  It seems as though Hannah just got here and today flies back to California.  Her summer with us seemed to go so fast.  We didn't get to do some of the things the girls wanted to do, but it's okay.  There will be other times.  I sat here, having woke up at 0430 hours, trying to think of something humorous to write about and I've got nothing.  Surely there is a funny story to recount, but I can't think of one right now.

I love my girls and know they will all eventually be growing up and moving on eventually.  I just hope we can make the most of all of our time together.  It's easy to get frustrated with the day to day stuff.  The arguing, the whining, and the messes.  But there is so much more to enjoy that far outweighs those things.  I just hope my girls know how much I love them all.

Well, I know Hannah will be back in a few months for the Christmas break.  Time will continue to march on and I will only get older (insert old man jokes here).  I will be back to write about my funny adventures in fatherhood another day.  And, the Chargers will win the Super Bowl this season.  Well, that one is not a certainty but we are optimistic.   

"Attack Daddy"

Those are the words I hear right before it happens.  I hear them in my sleep at times after suffering a vicious sneak attack by my precious little ones.  Don't let their cute little faces fool you...they are ruthless.  Ruthless, I said.

Recently my girls have found it humorous to dog pile me while I lay on the floor.  Why lay on the floor you ask?  Because I thought I could.  I thought I was safe.  I thought there was no way my daughters would think to gang up on me and engage me in a fight.  I was wrong.  Observe, friends.

Here is what we see.  In the first photo Hannah saw me laying on the floor.  She rallies her fellow troops by yelling throughout the house, loud enough to call even the neighbor's kids..."ATTACK DADDY."  Children run from everywhere, including as we see, Riley.  It was like the call of the wild or something.  Hannah's strategy was simple.  She planned to take out my legs so I could not get up and run.  She lays across my legs to weigh them down and allow Riley to leap onto my head and kick me about the face.  Cooper was not sure yet what to do, so she helped Hannah.

In the second piece of photographic evidence we see Hannah and Cooper now laying over my legs and Riley laying on my shoulder and chest to go for the pin.  Had there been a referee I would have been counted out.

Lastly, in the third photo, we see Hannah and Cooper still working over my legs and knees, while Riley repositioned herself toward my feet.  It appears her short attention span got the best of her as she seemed to have forgotten what she was supposed to do, and instead mimicked her sisters.  I saw an opening and attempted to get up, but I was powerless having suffered a beating at the hands of my little angels.

Riley was the cruelest, as she repeatedly kicked me in the face and head and showed her meanness by laughing at me.  Actually, they all did.  And were was my loving bride during the melee?  On the couch laughing and snapping pictures.  I will remember that when they suddenly yell, "Attack Mommy!!!"  You too will be on your own.  And they are ruthless mommy, ruthless I said.


 

Forgive us our theivery...

I had a completely different topic all picked out and ready to go this morning.  Then, last night, Ashley called me with a story that I could not pass up.  Her quote last night:  "Punishing your children is never fun, but sometimes it is SO funny!!!"  Indeed it is.  Read on friends, read on...


So there I was trying to decide what to eat for dinner last night.  That is a chore in Levelland since there are certain places I dare not go into in uniform.  Anyway, I receive a phone call from Ashley informing me that my two older children were in trouble.  I expected they had been fighting with each other and one of them tried to lock the other out of the house.  No.  Actually, it was quite the opposite.  Hannah and Cooper had conspired to commit a most heinous crime.  Yes, they stole mommy's purse.  The good news is that they at least did not attempt to steal money, but instead to retrieve an iPhone.


Ashley said that Hannah and Cooper, who were on the verge of watching that Beiber kid's movie, decided to plan for their "sister sleepover" by covertly taking the iPhone to play games on while they are supposed to be sleeping.  How did that work out for them you ask?  Not too good friends.  Ashley got wise to their act of thievery and stopped them in their tracks.  After mommy law took affect and they were found guilty of their crime, the punishment phase had to begin.  She called daddy.

So, Ashley gives me the low down and tells me to talk to them.  She puts me on speaker phone where I, acting as judge, listen to their pitiful story and determine their punishment.  Of course, I had to converse with mommy and after coming to a consensus, we sentence them to no movie and early bedtime.  I send them to brush their teeth and on to bed.  Ha ha...mommy and daddy 2,384...kids 21.  We are winning.


About an hour later I get a message to call home.  I talk to Ashley and am told of the recent "fodder" at the homestead.  Here is where everything turns funny.  Truthfully, had I been home I don't think I could have stayed upset.

Ashley told me that after I talked to them on the phone and while they were brushing their teeth, Hannah and Cooper were crying.  After she sent them to bed, Hannah emerges first from the bedroom.  She is apparently still crying a bit and tells Ashley, "I have a pain in my stomach."  Ashley asked her what was wrong.  Hannah, speaking between sobs, replied, "It's guilt."


This child is obviously aware of the guilty feeling in her stomach!  What?  Ashley said she and Hannah discussed feelings of guilt, why people feel guilty, and quite likely went into Jung's and Erikson's views of it all and how they compare and contrast.  Then, Cooper enters the scene.  She is upset as well but offers a solution to the problem at hand...a prayer for forgiveness.

Cooper informs Ashley that she wants to pray for forgiveness, and she and Hannah drop to their knees in front of her.  Ashley told me that Cooper begins to confess to her crime and asks God to forgive them.  Then she continues on, rambling about something that eventually, was unrelated to the issue.  Cooper turns to Hannah and tells her that it is her turn to pray.  Hannah retorts that she has nothing to say and they begin to argue about praying...while THEY WERE PRAYING!  I don't know how she held it together because, I would have been laughing by that point.  So, she praises them for their attitudes about the whole thing and a teachable moment was had, and capitalized on.  Ashley sent them to bed, but we are not done.

Ashley hears conversation coming from the bedroom.  She sneaked over and listened in on the discussion.  Cooper told Hannah that God would likely not forgive her because she did not pray about it.  Then shortly after that she thinks about it, backs up on her original statement and tells Hannah, "I think because I said 'WE,' you might be covered."  Greatness.

This is one of those moments as a parent I know I missed out on and wished I had not.  As I think about it I know that yes, kids will be kids.  They will make bad choices and misbehave.  they will try to steal mommy's phone and lock their siblings out of the house.  Also, they know when they do wrong and have the capability to actually feel bad about it.  And the fact that, even as funny as it was, one of them wanted to pray about it shows we are teaching them good lessons and they remember.  It is good to know that we are not failing as parents and completely messing up our children.  Well, we are not messing them up TOO badly anyway.    

Fort Scifres

A quick one this morning. 

Occasionally my daughters believe themselves to be architects.  They, from time to time, construct playhouses and things of that sort using only what is immediately available to them in the living room, dining room, and hallway.  I would be interested to see what they erect using my tools from the garage.  If they had access to a hammer, nails, and a few 2x4s, I would come home to a skyscraper in the back yard.  Anyone who watches "Phineas and Ferb" knows what I mean.

Recently I get a text message with this photograph of what Ashley called, "Fort Scifres."

It is not the greatest photo because it was taken with a cell phone camera, but you get the idea.  Hannah and Cooper used the dining room chairs as walls/support beams, and covered their structure with the blankets from a basket in the hallway.  Cooper wanted a light, so she took the lamp from her room.  I am told there was also food hidden away for a midnight snack, you know, in case one of them got the munchies in the wee hours of the morning.

I got the message in the evening hours, around their normal bed time.  I thought it was nice and forgot about it.  I thought it would not be there when I got home, because I just KNEW Ashley would have them deconstruct that monstrosity that took up every inch of space between the couch and entertainment center.

So I tiredly arrive at my abode after work and expected to walk in and find everything as normal.  No.  I walk in to Fort Scifres inside the house.  I smile, laugh a little, and walk into the bedroom.  I was so amused, and at the same time tired, that I missed one large detail.  While walking back and forth from the kitchen to my bedroom I totally was oblivious to the fact that my sweet children were ASLEEP ON THE WOOD FLOOR of their fort.  Yes, technically there was a rug between the floor and them, but hey, they were still sleeping on the floor. 

When I finally realized it, I thought to myself that I was glad they were young because if that were me my back would be killing me.  And, I would look completely ridiculous sleeping under the pink blankets, between my dining room chairs, on the floor, and with my feet hanging out the end.  That would have been a photo op my wife would have taken full advantage of and plastered all over Facebook.

Oh, and the snacks they had hidden...still there in the morning.  They apparently had to be thrown away because they should have been refrigerated or something.  I just know that they were not edible anymore.

The daddy part of me is proud of them for their construction prowess and ingenuity, coupled with the fact they did not fight each other to the death given the proximity between them for eight hours.  The kid in me was totally jealous because I want to build a fort, too.  

The Daddy Song

Apparently Riley is learning to sing.  I believe her sister's musical talents are beginning to rub off on her.  Ashley even called Riley "Our little 401k," after watching her perform her rendition of the "Daddy Song" for me using the flashlight from my duty belt.

On Tuesday evening we were busy.  I hadn't eaten yet, even though I made a sad attempt before being called away from my sustenance to assist with a large scale fight.  A lot of people went to jail, it was hot, and I was starving.  The night was not starting off as planned.

Then I got a text message with a video attached.  Watch for yourself the grace with which Riley strums her guitar and note her perfect pitch while singing her song about her daddy.

Okay, so not so perfect pitch, but not bad though.  I saw that and had to laugh.  I forgot for a few moments that I was hot, sweaty, and starving.  I forgot about the fights, the yelling, and cursing.  I smiled as my baby girl belted out a song for me.

Then on Wednesday while I was getting ready for work Riley was sitting on the bed with Ashley, and my duty belt.  Riley enjoys all of the stuff on it and crawled over there and immediately went for my flashlight.  The thing is metal and about 8 inches long.  If she dropped it on her head it would likely knock her out cold.  But, she grabs the light and begins to perform an a cappella version of the "Daddy Song."  No guitar, just Riley and her...flashlight.  Funny stuff folks.  Then, Ashley called her our little 401k.  My reply..."No, she is our retirement in Hawaii."

Hey, like I said, by the time she moves out and gets married she will owe me nearly half a million for raising her.  I could settle for a little place near the beach where we got married instead of cash.  Kapalua Bay is nice, well, year round.  See you on Maui folks.

So if the video won't play, here is the link.
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=540167599243&comments

The Faces of Mischief

I have said since it since she was born.  Riley is tricking Ashley and I.  She is currently deceiving us by being cute, and funny.  Yes, Hannah and Cooper were, and are, cute and funny.  But Riley is different.  There is something in her face that tells me that we are in for some trouble with her.  And, so are her sisters.  Let me tell you with some photos.  Behind the cuteness is some mischief.

 Here Riley is deep in thought about what to do.  She is contemplating how best to get away with some sort of prank, all while having her sisters take the blame for it.  Cute...yes.  Mischievous...indeed.

In the second photograph we see Riley having already completed her deed and is now looking for somewhere to discard the evidence.  She knows she has to locate it somewhere that we can find it, and also someplace  close enough to her sisters to implicate them, without them knowing.

In the third photograph we have Riley, having already carried out her deed, delighting in the fact her sisters are in trouble and getting blamed for whatever it is that she has planned out and executed perfectly.  Just look at the brow and the smile...she is good.

Riley's unsuspecting sisters have at this point replied to our accusations with, "It wasn't us, it was Riley!"  Riley looks at us as if to ask, "Who, me?"  Then, she angrily looks at her falsely accused sisters as if to ask them, "How can you blame me, I can barely walk?"

And in the last photograph we see Riley rejoicing in having completely suckered her father while engaging  me in a game of "come and chase me, daddy" as she takes off running.   She has gotten away with it and she is happy.  I am clueless. 

I tell you friends, Riley is already a master.  This is a child who is learning from her sisters, who were pretty good themselves at creating havoc and getting away with it.  Cooper could have stolen and eaten a bag of Cheetos, had orange powdered cheese on her face and hands, and deny taking them after being caught.  She would be so convincing you almost had to believe her.  Why?  She could fabricate a ludicrous story as to how she came to be covered in Cheeto dust because the Cheeto truck overturned near the house and she helped pick them all up.  And as ridiculous as the story would sound, it would also be plausible.  But as I have said before, Cooper has a tell when she is lying.  She will follow her lie with this:  "I'm serious."

The sky could be blue and Cooper could say, "The sky is a reddish orange color today."  Just by looking at her face, and without looking overhead, I would believe her until she followed the assertion with, "I'm serious."  I detect liars for a living and I have to say, these little people are good.

Riley is learning from the professionals.  She is mastering her craft as we speak.  She is likely already thinking of her next deed to get her sisters into trouble.  And when she has come up with her idea, we will see this:

It is sort of her "ah ha" face.  As in, "ohhhhhhh, I got a good one."  Trouble I tell you...we are in T R O U B L E.